AIBU to expect acceptance when DH declines niece's wedding abroad?

She sounds nuts, tbh. What a sad way to be! Instead of growing her family circle by inviting in her daughters-in-law and especially all her grandchildren, she's holding them at arm's length.

@CreamSecond you seem to have missed the essential part that HER DH doesn’t want to go. And that HE is upset by his mother’s reaction.

Why do you think it’s all about the OP when she is clear they BOTH have the same view on his mother attitude?

I don’t think that a good enough reason for not going, there is no gaurantee you’ll be pregnant, they sound like a really close family, too close excluding the other family members.

I’d be annoyed and refusing the invitation because my family, wife & DC are excluded.

What kind of weird wedding is this.

Of course 🙄🙄
Totally normal to go away for a week (because MIL won’t accept anything less) when your wife has high risk pregnancies.
And with a newborn and 2 other young dcs, totally normal that the father goes away on a jolly leaving his dwife. Who needs help eh?
With a bit of luck she won’t have a CS otherwise she’ll just have to enlist her own parents to help…

And then one wonders why men are so shit at being parents when other women set the the so low for them.

It sounds as though it's a drama because it's five days abroad not one evening locally, and the man isn't allowed to say no!

In this case it appears an invitationis a summons.

It almost makes it hypocritical to be celebrating a wedding really...

What's the meaning of marriage if spouses aren't family?

Why are some grandchildren not family but one grandchild is?

😬 missed that.

the whole thing gets madder the more details come out.

Lol, they're probably only too delighted to be excluded from this 'OUR family only' crap - as would I!

When the next wedding or funeral comes along, I suggest all you 'OTHER family' members get together for your own celebration, and really put MiL's nose out of joint!

Well I've no idea.

Maybe not if MIL is paying!

At first I thought the issues was you didn't want to go just because you might be pregnant at that time, in which case, you would be being unreasonable. Then I read you aren't even invited!! Is it a tiny wedding of just the niece, her parents, grandparents and uncles? If so, it's unusual, but understandable. If not, it's pretty rude. You've been with your DH for 15 years; it's not like you're the girlfriend of the month!

You don't need top share with MIL that you're trying to conceive. It's none of her business and it sounds like she's the sort of person who'd ruin your joy/make it all about her anyway. I think you're potentially on rocky ground by DH saying he's not going because they were rude not to invite his whole family. What if she later caves and invites you and the children? Would you agree to go in that case?

But OP said SiLs kids have 'special status' within those two tiers so it sounds like they might be the exception. If so, that's unforgivable, even more than the already bonkers 'tiered' thinking.

This is a good reason to decline all on it's own!

They want a father of two to take five days annual leave and go abroad without his children, to prioritise his niece?

Is the wedding "child free"?

It's extremely unusual to exclude a spouse of ten years from a family wedding invitation where one of the couple is "expected" to attend by said family, even if no children are invited to the wedding.

*edited for typo (abroad/ ahead)

You're missing the point! He is not going because his family is being excluded from a family wedding because they are not family! That is the weird thing.

It sounds like controlling nightmare.

You, your dh and the kids are all well out of it!

You ought to have stated in the OP that you already have children and they’re also being excluded. Thats a level of batshittery that I don’t even know how one tackles.

Do you think other guests are allowed to take spouses?
Because if the non family guests can take spouses this seems even weirder.

Op and kids are not invited.

None of the siblings spouses are invited. Not family.

Not the same as a 5 day trip though.

Am I getting this right: they are neither paying for you NOR for your 2DCs, so that means they don't see their own grandchildren as family? But their other grandchildren will be there? If so, that is truly shocking.

The DC are also not invited because they would distract from his 'family duties'

Maybe they just want a child free wedding and it's being turned into a drama.

I actually think you’re all being over dramatic- I feel a bit sorry for your dh stuck in the middle of what seems like a war!!!!

Me too. My mil was a bit like this 'family' meals out only meaning her kids without their spouses. More than a few of these occasions. We hanger on in- law spouses weren't that bothered, it was a bit of a joke between us tbh.
Can't imagine turning it into this type of drama.

Not going and missing a family event due to TTC and maybe or maybe not being pregnant is really weird - not like it’s your first child from the sounds of it

It's not about the cost, they have been told they can't pay for themselves either as they aren't invited, because they aren't family

Because he doesn’t want to. Lots of people love their wives and children and don’t want to leave them

Lots of people love their spouse and children but aren't joined at the hip.
That's not a proper reason. Do they never do anything apart?

How far away is it and for how long? Tbh I can see all sides, I also think a wedding without partners and kids would possibly be fun and shouldn’t be seen as an insult. (Myself brothers and sisters rarely get to just be family!) Surely if you’re very pregnant or about to have a baby then you can change things? I actually think you’re all being over dramatic- I feel a bit sorry for your dh stuck in the middle of what seems like a war!!!!