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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to expect acceptance when DH declines niece's wedding abroad?

257 replies

DestinationForOne · 21/08/2026 08:26

Dh niece is getting married next year abroad.

MIL seems to be in charge of organising most of it and to be honest is acting like its mostly about her !
She keeps saying how she wants her dc all there as she needs them there etc.

MIL/FIL are offering to pay but only for dh flight and hotel as they want him there as their son and not a husband / father as want his focus ‘on the family for once’.
It’s a 5 day trip.

They don’t know but we have been ttc so we have no idea what next year might look like for us. Dh has declined going and this has cause ww3. We’ve never argued with them before and it’s quite upsetting . AIBU to think they should be more accepting of Dh declining to go?

OP posts:
Original poster
DestinationForOne · 21/08/2026 08:36

GreenSedan · 21/08/2026 08:33

Has he declined because they aren't paying for you? Or has he declined because you might be pregnant?

If it's the latter, then YABU. I dont see why you being pregnant should stop him going, even if you can't.

If it's the former, then just say so.

Yes, you're allowed to declined a wedding invitation. But MIL/FIL are also allowed to be disappointed that all her children won't be there.

Both really we feel they’ve been really rude excluding me and our 2 dc plus if I was pregnant I have high risk pregnancies so that’s why dh wouldn’t want to go abroad.

OP posts:
GreenSedan · 21/08/2026 08:33

Has he declined because they aren't paying for you? Or has he declined because you might be pregnant?

If it's the latter, then YABU. I dont see why you being pregnant should stop him going, even if you can't.

If it's the former, then just say so.

Yes, you're allowed to declined a wedding invitation. But MIL/FIL are also allowed to be disappointed that all her children won't be there.

Original poster
DestinationForOne · 21/08/2026 08:33

ElsiePiddockSkipsinherSleep · 21/08/2026 08:31

If it’s all paid for, why has he chosen not to go? Not sure why ttc is particularly relevant at this stage, so what is the reason?

Because if I’m pregnant or have a newborn (wedding is June)

OP posts:
Original poster
DestinationForOne · 21/08/2026 08:32

mummybearSW19 · 21/08/2026 08:28

How long have you been married? Is this the first time he’s not done what they have wanted him to?
Classic controlling family, I would hazard a guess
To be honest, I would reconsider having kids with them and run a mile. However, I’m a couple of decades ahead of you & Hindsight is a wonderful thing

Yes we usually agree with most things and he’s pretty upset they are saying he needs to focus on the family as he regularly does !

The issue is that his sister is by far the favourite and her dd has an elevated position in the family so they think everyone should drop everything and be there to celebrate her.

We’ve been together 15 years married 10

OP posts:
ElsiePiddockSkipsinherSleep · 21/08/2026 08:31

If it’s all paid for, why has he chosen not to go? Not sure why ttc is particularly relevant at this stage, so what is the reason?

Trivialpursuits · 21/08/2026 08:30

You can’t make them be accepting of it. You can’t control anyone else’s reaction, only your own.

leave it to DH to deal with them.

mummybearSW19 · 21/08/2026 08:28

How long have you been married? Is this the first time he’s not done what they have wanted him to?
Classic controlling family, I would hazard a guess
To be honest, I would reconsider having kids with them and run a mile. However, I’m a couple of decades ahead of you & Hindsight is a wonderful thing