To leave early after my dad told off my son?

Ugh.

I'd tell my son he needs to sort out his table manners. I'd then apologize to Dad, but also state that you have spoken to your son and it won't happen again. That you don't appreciate shouting and don't parent that way. And could they both please apologize to each other? That you don't want to fall out over it so let's just forget it after the apology.

If he's unwilling to then I'd ask for a lift to the station as we don't want to stay if it's going to be so upsetting for him.

Good Morning OP, given the backstory & dynamics you have hinted at here, your (now adult) self may need to calmly pack your things, order a taxi/?uber (yes I am sure that would be a huge expense but it is the independent way to do things) and leave early.

Your DF has hugely overstepped your boundaries - you were dealing with your DS behaviour - and has insulted you to boot.

You do NOT have to see your DF as the 'only way to the train station' (this is never the case).

You may feel a liberation as you finally stand up for yourself, step into a new dynamic, draw a boundary in how (adult & mother you) will allow your DF to treat you.

AND most importantly, model and teach your son that he can do that too. And stand up for him being bullied (by a person who bullied you too) when he is too little to do so himself.

It’s an overreaction, sorry OP.

I think as single parents we tend to go overboard protecting our children from what would have been a mundane, relatively common telling off by a grandparent. A 5 year old should know by then how to eat properly at the table and (personally) I find your expectations about your father drawing with him etc a bit unrealistic.

Depending on the age difference a lot of grandparents won’t really have the same way of engaging with children that you do, doesn’t mean they care or love them any less. Asking how’s school is perfectly normal, not boring.

I can see why you want to leave, but I’d probably try to calm down and power through. Your kid will hardly be traumatised from this.

My nephew never wanted to eat anything except of biscuits, crisps and chocolate. He is now 10 and nothing has changed. He just doesn't come to the table or leaves the table saying he is not hungry only to take the biscuit from the cupboard 5 minutes later. He only lives on such supermarket snacks. Mom doesn't seem to care and generally gave up parenting him because he is tough to parent in general (think he just walks around and finds a victim to lash out at all the time, beats up other kids, talks back rudely to everyone etc.). His dad is trying to put some boundaries in place but he is overruled by soft mum, so he backs down to avoid a fight and goes to have a drink instead. We are now on holidays near them and I had to throw the nephew out last time because he started beating up my son.

I don't think the OP said he abused her (which would imply sexual or violent abuse). She said he was controlling, but she also goes on to say that he has always been there for her and physically looked after her. She says he has many good points. It sounds to me as if he displays a lot of the characteristics of actually being human.

Yeah I guess for me, I don't like when others parent my children but then they don't have to as I would do it myself.

If my kids were with my siblings or parents and they did something like this I would expect my family to intervene (if I wasn't there) and parent them on my behalf.

At 5 years old, your son have the ability to engage in having a regular conversation. Asking a kid about school isn't boring or unusual. He should be polite enough to even just say 'fine thank you'.

From all of this it suggest a bit of permissive parenting which is clashing with your father who is witnessing repeated poor behaviour and stepping in to parent because what you are doing doesn't work.

I would also say at five, having the 'okay kids time for best manners as we are a guest in someones home' is acceptable and reasonable.

Getting up from the table and burping repeatedly is rude. A five year old knows this so I would suggest it was attention seeking.

We don't know the whole story but there was nothing 'abusive' about what your father said or did here.

Your father's opinion is of course important to you, but it doesn't make him right. Parenthood is hard, some days you're winning and others, not so much. Chalk this up to experience.

Honestly? Unless there’s a background he’s his grandfather and can tell him off if he’s misbehaving in his home. Maybe he will behave better at dinner tomorrow for it.

My four year old nephew has been told off a few times by me. Sometimes they need to be told they’re not acting right.

What you could do to keep the peace is to ask your Dad's advice on how to stop the bad behaviour of your son.....even if you dont want to hear it. Admit you may not be succeeding as well as you could.

I wouldn't mind my dad telling him off but telling you off is not on. Even if he disagrees with your parenting, there are kinder and more helpful ways of putting that across. And if you think your kids are shit parents, look at yourself. Who did they learn their parenting skills from?

Are you annoyed that your dad has told him that his bad behaviour is bad, or are you embarrassed that your child was behaving badly and someone else has picked up on it, or do you not want your child told off by others? I don’t really know what you’re upset about. People are going to comment on poor behaviour, so keep working on poor behaviour. Crying isn’t traumatising to a child, and he needs to get used to people telling him that poor behaviour isn’t acceptable as he’ll be told it at school.

People of your dad’s generation like me, wouldn’t dream of asking advice from some random person in the pub or at the bus stop and asking folk on social media like Mumsnet is no different, except you’re more likely to encounter self important fake experts and nasty trolls on here than you would down the pub!

You don’t need anyone’s permission to decide how to live your life. If you want to go home, just do it.

Come off SM and focus on building your own self esteem and confidence in making your own decisions.

By a grandparents who abused his own daughter when she was a child?

DS wouldn’t sit still, kept getting up and burping at the table

I don’t believe that someone who calls this out is a bully.

OP, i think both you and your child sound very hard work. You are a parent so bloody well parent.

Well the Mother should parent her child then. The child's behaviour was disgraceful.
Are you a lazy parent like that, do you allow disgusting behaviour.

I'm very surprised that you are/were happy for your abusive dad to have a relationship with your son after he was abusive to you when you were a child. He obviously has no patience and possibly enjoys exploiting the power imbalance between him and his children and grandchildren.

He seems to have the old fashioned mind-set that children should be seen and not heard. Fortunately for your son, although you couldn't escape your father's abuse when you were a child, your son doesn't need to have a relationship with him.

Can you not get a taxi to the station?

Your child sounds rude and it sounds like your parenting style is going to cause you many problems in the years to come…

Firstly, OP, ignore all the yummy mummies on here who claim to have perfect, insta-ready kids who never get shy and can hold a conversation with Einstein at the age of 3. They might think they’re perfect but really they have a terrible fucking attitude. Some people just like to have someone to talk down to.

Your father sounds like a bully. He clearly didn’t learn anything much from being a parent. You don’t have to see him. He makes you feel bad about yourself, probably always has done. Don’t let him do that your little boy.

Can you change your tickets home and get a taxi to the station? If at all possible, go home and enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Going forward, have as little to do either your dad as possible.

Triggered, as I said above 👍🏻

Oh OP.
A few burps and some restlessness from a 5 year old.
Whilst maybe not ideal, I don't belive is the horror others are making it out to be.

Sounds like you were trying to avoid a confrontation with your dad escalating.

Try and have a quick chat with him today to clear the air.
'Dad I know you mean well, and DS' table behaviour could be better, but please leave it to me. I know we are in your house, but please don't speak to him like that again.'

If it doesn't go well, explain calmly that you don't think staying till Sunday is a great idea as it seems stressful for all of you.

No, I'm laughing at you.

It’s interesting that you are triggered by my observations, perhaps some introspection is required?

Im saying nothing about his wider behaviour but raising your voice to admonish a child who's not listening to being asked nicely and said child then crying is pretty normal and neither have anything to do eith bad manners. Likewise wanting your guests to feel comfortable in your home doesnt involve putting up with poor behavoour from a young child.