To leave early after my dad told off my son?

A 5 year old messing about at the table doesn't mean he's going to end up a wrong 'un.

Don't be so bloody dramatic.

He may be a bit harsh but you’ve massively over reacted

OP's son doesn't need discipline from OP's dad who was abusive to her when she was a child. The leopard doesn't change its spots.

Wake up and smell the coffee!

Your extrapolation from this one incident is absolutely ridiculous.

This boy burped through the meal; this was out of character and a one off. Yes, it is unusual and unpleasant behaviour at the table and chastisement was required. But come on, some perspective is needed.

Some people are really inflating this episode way out of proportion to the behaviour, and making sweeping judgments about a five year old that are really quite unfair.

If that's what you want to call it , then yes.

A metaphorical boot being stuck in to the Op will be far better than the literal boot that her dear son, when he is a teenager and later a man, will probably stick in to her...or you...or me...or my child...or his teacher...or my mother.

Society's oafs start somewhere, they don't leap-like Venus-fully formed from the sea.

They are often little shits and become big shits simply because people like the OP allow them to be so.

Did you enjoy sticking that boot in?

I know. It’s hilarious. That poster has an agenda that she tries to shoehorn in most threads!

Triggering?

YANBU. DS behaviour was out of character and you were dealing with it. He's only five. Your dad overreacted.

Can you afford to get a taxi or uber to the train station? I would do that.

If my parent was abusive to me as a child, I wouldn't be going out of my way to bring my child around them.

It's obviously tough for you, and you say the bad behaviour round the dinner table was unusual for your son, so maybe he was feeling uncomfortable? My parents are 'strict', and my son is ND so has always struggled to sit still - I do understand it's not always that easy to deal.

In my situation, at that age I spoke to my parents about how he sometimes struggled, and also spoke to my son about sitting nicely while we ate. He was allowed to leave the table once he'd finished eating, and me and my parents would carry on chatting - it was a good compromise, I think. He also understood that he needed to behave a certain way during meals there.

Yeah take your son home and don't go back. 💯
Why put yourselves through thsi

We have a controlling domineering family member. We meet irregularly and always on neutral territory so it is easy to leave.

This - or they come to us on my ground and I have another adult backing me.

I think whole trip was bad idea. It does sound like DS was being naughty but that you dealt with it only for him to pour petrol on the situation.

If you leave does it blow everything up into a bigger deal - can you leave before Sunday. If you have to stay be busy be out be away from your Dad as much as possible ,maybe tiring DS out may improve behavior a bit and run interference be glued to DS side and step in and leave rooms or house if needed.

Whether his manners could have been better doesn’t change the fact your dad sounds like a very unpleasant man.

This. Your father’s behaviour hurt you as a child, it’s still hurting you, and now it’s hurting your son as well.

I understand that things aren’t black and white, but being an apparently decent human being some of the time doesn’t make it ok for someone to be emotionally abusive at other times.

Your father is the one who needs to be given some boundaries and consequences. If he can’t be a loving parent and grandparent, he doesn't get your company for extended visits.

I realise that may be very hard if you’re isolated and lacking in other support generally, but this really isn’t healthy for you or for your DS. Yes you’re entitled to leave.

Or if you think you can manage it, you could try saying to your father that if he continues to speak to you and your son that way, you’ll be leaving early. If you think he’d take the slightest bit of notice of you. But you really have to mean it if you say it.

Shocked at the poll results on this thread, I thought there was more understanding of emotional abuse on MN. But then, this is AIBU. You’d probably get better support if you posted about your relationship with your dad on the Relationships board, OP.

You should read your nephew the story of the Bristol teenager who went permanently blind due to his restrictive diet

https://www.bbc.com/news/health-49551337

My thoughts exactly! You sound like a good and loving mum, OP 💐

You should reflect on whether you are properly training your son or making excuses for him.

In any case, no human being should be brought up believing no one is allowed to criticise them but their mum.

@Sparklesbigtoe your dad sounds very like mine and we had similar issues with how he related to our DS when little. My mum once came and asked us during one holiday to cancel the next visit due to our son's behaviour which was extremely hurtful. She did at least say it was because they wouldn't cope but we used to get lots of criticism of our son's fairly normal 'naughty' behaviour, which like you, we did respond to with appropriate boundaries. There was a lot of 'Why don't you...' and implied criticism of us. I'm sorry your dad was so openly horrible to you - that must be very hard. It did get easier once our son was older and my dad did engage with him once he was past the playing on the floor stage. They used to do stuff together in my dad's workshop etc which was really nice to observe. I'm sending you a big hug as it is hard phase to go through but hang on in there. If you have the opportunity you might find it helpful to have some therapy so that you can stop being scared of your dad and have a more adult to adult relationship. It was hard to challenge my dad but I got better at it.

Shouting at and intimidating a grandchild is abusive. Speaking to them kindly and firmly is acceptable. You are wrong.
what is a five year old supposed to say to a question like ‘how’s school?’

I don’t think threats of taking away pudding and no film are very effective in this sort of situation. The burping and the other issues were for attention. The way to deal with them is to tell the child to stop, then if they continue remove them from the room and say they can come back to the table when they are ready to behave. A punishment for a five year old needs to happen there and then.

I’m so sorry that you got such spiteful responses on here. Once again MN goes for the jugular.
You’re doing a good job. You were dealing with it. And your Dad is and was a bully. The fact that you’re scared of him shows that. Now your son will be scared of him too. See how it goes. You’re allowed to leave whenever you like.