To leave early after my dad told off my son?

Taking away food, even pudding, is a really slippery slope. You're gonna end up with a child that has a really poor relationship with food!

The arrogance of you acting like you were actually there and/or know the op personally 😂

And the fact that OP has absolutely no idea how to get to the station without a lift from the “abusive, controlling” dad, says a lot.
you have no idea what type of man he is … you only know the type of man that the OP wants you to believe he is.
Anyway, the truth hurts as OP appears to have “done a runner” from this thread when faced with the truth … sounds familiar!

No, the truth I’m afraid.

It sounds like your father has no manners. That is the wrong way to correct a child. Especially, a child who is not yours. Your father can talk about it without raising his voice and being so draconian. Further, he should talk to the OP in a reasonable way about his concerns. If the son doesn’t learn some basic manners before starting school, it’s going to be harder for him to fit in. If he has playdates in other people’s homes, he needs to know how to behave. Even so, DF was out of line.

Yeah the dads, the Ops and the one you’ve invented probably.

I'm surprised you've had so many people on your dad's side here tbh. I'm of the view that when a parent is there, you respect the parent. Sure, your son was definitely not behaving and that is disrespectful, not making light of that at all. However, it's not OK to cut across you and shout at your son when you're right there to the point he cries is disrespectful to you and your position as a parent.
I think if you leave, it'll cast a sour note moving forward. We had similar at our home with fil, my husband took him to one side and explained we don't shout like that at our kids and that their behaviour is our responsibility. He was huffy but got the point and hasn't intervened since. It's part of the switch from parent to grandad, and unless you're not there, he can't decide how to discipline your child. Have a calm chat, set the boundary and if he can't get on board then politely suggest you leave early. If you know he won't apologise, don't look for one, just look for him to accept the new boundary.

Your 6 month old was sitting at the table? Or do you actually mean he was in a high chair at the table, which is normal and nothing to boast about.

He's a shit dad.

The OP has already said he wasn't great and he can't talk to her DS but she's the adult stuck in.the middle and wants relationships so she needs to help them achieve this.

The alternative is to walk away and the OP doesn't want to do this

Your son was misbehaving and being rude. Maybe your Dad wouldn't have had to step in in A) you had taught him correct behaviour at a table B) sorted it out so your Dad didnt need to intervene.
Get over it and teach your son some manners. You sound more bothered than your son

6 months? Mine was sitting at the table from a newborn.

Hopefully he gets his wish and his daughter doesn't visit him again.

Because he said he doesn’t want to eat dinner with him in the future? Of course he doesn’t !

Because it shows the OTT nature of his 'discipline', no emotional healthy person berates a child in such a way for something as simple as table manners, and then turns on their mother in front of them to berate her for not raising a nice enough child, all in front of the child.. none of that is 'discipline'.

Telling him off, sending him out .. all fine, deal with it at that moment. To correct behaviour you have to at least give a child chance to see the error of it and rectify it, saying you never want to eat with them again, is just designed to hurt them with maximum impact.. in other words what you have done is so bad that even if you behave well next time, I never want to eat another meal with you as you've upset me so much.

He was angry and he wanted to vent that anger, end of.

My father would have sent us outside if we behaved like that at the table. It's a life lesson for you - other people will not accept poor manners in your child.

Why can't your DS sit still at a dinner table at 5ys does he have additional needs (autism/ADHD) or is he just as your dad said a kid with no manners. Because if it's the latter I too would have made him cry very likely as I would have swiftly sent him away from my table. My DS9 has been able to sit at a table from being 6mo and transitioning to a "big chair" made no difference as he understood the expectations of sitting at a dinner table. It infuriates me when we are out eating and kids can't just sit and eat a meal without disturbing others it's not hard to teach manners.

Emotional abuse now? Being told off firmly? Not even shouting ?

and the reasoning being adult interpretation ? Because he said he doesn’t want to eat dinner with him in the future? Of course he doesn’t !

I would usually agree in principle, as it is a thing, but to be honest the information is all right there in her OP that something isn't 'right' in their relationship.

He doesn't just raise his voice to her son, he tells him he's got no manners, that he doesn't want to eat dinner with him again (carrying it on in to the future), and then tells him to go to bed (obviously skipping the film they had planned anyway), when the son starts crying he turns on OP saying she isn't raising him correctly, and that he is a rude child for ignoring him earlier in the day, all in front of her son.

It is WAY over the top by anyone's standards, and yes, abusive IMO, a few simple stern words would have sufficed if he really didn't think he was listening to OP enough for his liking, not the tirade of abuse that he metered out to both of them, he didn't want to discipline him at all, he wanted to vent his anger at both of them.

OP then went to bed with her son to get away from the situation instead of confront it, she finishes by saying she doesn't want to stay and she knows her dad will never apologise for his actions.

It's all right there in the OP that he is emotional abusive, and she may be afraid of him, if you've never had an emotional abusive parent, then whoopedy fucking doo for you, it doesn't mean OP is fabricating anything.. as soon as I read her OP I knew exactly what sort of 'man' he is.

Don’t have to be perfect parents to address the problem rather than ignore poor behaviour.

There are 3 sides to every story.

Didn’t say I did … but we are only going to get one side of the story.

Because he is 5.

What is the Dad's excuse?

And you know that…how? You are reading way too much into a strangers post on MN and you sound incredibly over invested.

It’s very sad when a mother comes here to ask for advice about a difficult situation and the best that other mothers can do is tell her how shit she is. I mean if she were defending his bad behaviour it might be a different matter but she isn’t. She acknowledged that it was poor manners but felt that her dad was maybe a bit heavy handed in his approach. That’s what the post is about but no, let’s keep berating her to make ourselves feel superior.

I agree.

There are ways of helping children to learn how to behave and raising your voice until the child cries and then telling off the parent in front of them, is not one of them.

No parent is 100 per cent perfect.. and he certainly isn't perfect by any stretch.

I was in the middle of dealing with it by taking away his pudding & film after. I also took him away from the table and he came back and apologised...If it had ended there then it would’ve been fine.

Many posters have overlooked that the child came back and apologised, but this made no difference to OP's dad.

Does your son behave like this when eating in public?

How could you possibly know what happened?