To leave early after my dad told off my son?

I can sympathise OP. My dad was quite strict and scary with me as a child, raising his voice, when he had done it with my kids I’ve found it really upsetting and triggering.

All 5 year olds behave badly sometimes.. His behaviour didn't sound that unusual and OP had addressed it. The father just also decided to intervene after she had dealt with it.

As one pp said These responses are over the top and weird. MN likes to be overly critical of behavioural issues, but it's not real. People just like to be awful sometimes.

Op ignore these criticisms and don’t feel you have to explain or defend yourself to these online strangers. Your father sounds rude and disrespectful to you. Undermining your own parenting and upsetting your son.

Staying or leaving depends on the bigger picture. Is this a duty visit? Was your DS enjoying himself otherwise? I’m assuming no DM is in the picture. If you’re not particularly enjoying yourself then leave, why stay? Life’s too short to remain around people that make you and your DS feel bad.

You don’t have to explain much to your DF either. Either go and simply say you’ve decided to head back home today without saying why. If he asks why, say it suits you better. If he won’t drive you to the station, call for a taxi.

If you stay, then tell him firmly that he’s not to interfere when you are dealing with your DS. Though of course it’s hard to stand up to a DF who bullies. If you can’t do that, then leave (to clarify, this is not a criticism if you find it hard to push back, some people just don’t listen). It won’t be nice for you or your DS to be around his GF who doesn’t like him.

What do you ask a 5 year old about apart from basic things ? School, their favourite toys. t.v show et al?
I never tried anything really highbrow when mine were 5 and they didn't get bored?

Is your Dad's behaviour out of character?

I think all these replies are very harsh. I'd ask your dad for a lift to the station later and if not, you'll need to call a taxi. You all need a bit of distance and hopefully it will blow over if you send him a thank you card and then call him in a couple of weeks and keep conversation neutral.

I imagine your son was tired or testing boundaries or something. He's five. Bad behaviour happens. You obviously weren't trying to hypnotise him with an i-pad or something which isn't helpful. You were helping him to learn. Grandads can forget what its like and probably weren't very involved the first time around. Have faith in yourself and your son.

You son is at the age where he'll be places without you (like school) and have his own relationships with other people, and people will tell him off sometimes. Kids soon learn the differences between adults - what one parent / grandparent will allow and another won't, which teachers can control a class and which will let them mess about etc. Best to just accept that and let him get used to it and accept that there's different rules in different environments, without fussing or crying.

Maybe it's time to get stricter yourself, though. There's too many mothers who are too soft and raise boys to believe that only men are to be respected and obeyed, while women may be safely ignored. You don't want to raise a sexist man. Instead of teaching him that he has to do as he's told the first time when he's at granddad's house, if granddad says it, why not teach him that he has to do it when YOU say it?

Although having said that, if your father was abusive, maybe it's time to think seriously about whether you're going to benefit from a continued relationship with him - and whether your son will?

If you do want to keep seeing your father, maybe it's time to work on standing up to him a bit better? I mean, what's your son learning there? Man shouts, woman backs down / runs away? Men are in charge? He who shouts loudest gets his way?

You sound like you're scared of your father - that's what needs fixing. You also sound like you're scared of acting authoritatively with your son (maybe because of how your father was, you've gone too far the other way?). The one time your father corrected your son's behaviour at the table (which wasn't acceptable, at five) isn't the real issue.

I'm not sure why you took your child to visit your dad if this is how he treats him. He doesn't have a kind and loving relationship with him and it can't be a nice experience for either of you.
I think I'd probably tell your dad that you think it's best if you go home early because he obviously doesn't enjoy being with you or his grandson. Then get a taxi you don't need to ask him for a lift.
And don't arrange a long holiday with him and your son again.

The child is 5. Yes he was being a pain but that's 5 year olds for you.

Unless you have perfect mumsnet 5 year olds.

Arsehole dads behaviour over the years has made you more protective of how he speaks to your your son and you’re not trusting that how you feels right I would guess.

i would go home and enjoy the rest of a nice summer with your son without feeling on eggshells.

Two things hers. 1) unresolved issues with your father, 2) really poor behaviour from a 5yr old. Both need addressing.

Your dad overstepped. His response to your son’s behaviour was disproportionate. He won’t accept that though, because people like that never do.

I would go down this morning and speak to him away from your son. I’d apologise for your son’s behaviour but explain that you aren’t comfortable staying. If he won’t take you to the train station is there a taxi service that will come out to you?

There’s no way on this planet that I’d stay with someone who makes me feel afraid to use my voice and reduces my son to tears over restlessness and a burp.

Give Dad a big smile and thank him for helping you out and reminding you that DS is old enough to learn better table manners.
Suggest to DS that today we are going to sit still and eat nicely at Poppy's table.

Arrange a less formal meal for lunch. A picnic in the fields. Allow DS to burn off energy with lots of outdoor play. Teach DS to understand sitting down, eating together, please and thank you etc. by modelling it yourself.

Would you, aye? I wouldn't tolerate a child jumping up and down and repeatedly burping at the table in my house, and I don't see why anyone else should, either.

What do you mean here @Sparklesbigtoe ? Actually usually choices are pretty simple but the reasons we avoid making healthier choices is what is complicated. If your father is domineering controlling and emotionally abusive towards children he is not going to be a positive role model in your child’s life.

There are all sorts of standard beliefs about how family “should” be as you will see being put up on posts like yours, but discernment is necessary when applying those beliefs.

So “family should stick together” great positive ideal but just not true if there is abuse.

I see both sides, but honestly if you are still scared of your dad why would you stay for so long? Or even go?!

Any 5 year old knows that behaviour isn't acceptable unless they constantly get away with it, it's called parenting for a reason... We aren't there to be friends and make everything all rainbows and butterflies, you should've dealt with it, you say you were but clearly if he kept doing it, you weren't.

Your father probably felt like something needed to be said... He gave you enough time and then dealt with it himself.

Teaching your kids basic manners does not make you a perfect parent. It makes you a decent parent doing their job and raising their kid properly and to be a decent and respectful around others.
If OP was sorting her kid out so well why did gf have to intervene?

So perspective. I have great parents and have lovely relationship but I live a long way from them.
All my dc have sen but higher functioning. My dad has lost his mind about twice when I went for visits with the kids when they were younger. I was upset and.kids got upset.
We took a day apart and calm then talked it through and agreed some rules.

What im teying to say is even the best grandparents become short tempered and rude.

Take some time. have a chat with dad if u can about moving on. Appreciate this may not may possible due to past issues

So perspective. I have great parents and have lovely relationship but I live a long way from them.
All my dc have sen but higher functioning. My dad has lost his mind about twice when I went for visits with the kids when they were younger. I was upset and.kids got upset.
We took a day apart and calm then talked it through and agreed some rules.

What im teying to say is even the best grandparents become short tempered and rude.

Take some time. have a chat with dad if u can about moving on. Appreciate this may not may possible due to past issues

Was he in floods of tears because someone actually telling him off for bad behaviour hasn't happened before?

What does taking him home early achieve, a lot of upset, including upset for DS and he will feel guilty and continue to push the boundaries

By a bullying controlling man. Yes.

Was he in floods of tears because no-one has ever properly pulled him up?

You were in the middle of dealing with it sounds like you were doing that pleading, overexplaining god-knows-what that I see so many children ignoring; whilst carrying on with poor behaviour.

Take him home early, as your father has probably had enough too.

Your dad went well over the top, which is his fault, but you’re also parenting rather weakly. You should have told your son to behave before anyone else did.

'He was just about to start behaving before my dad told him off' .....😆😆😆