To leave early after my dad told off my son?

What type of burping - mouth wide open forcing it out acting like a total pig or, a small accidental burp?

If it was the former, we'll done Grandad and you need to start parenting.

I really feel for you, and had a similar relationship with my parents. We rarely saw my grandfather on my dad's side (never saw my other grandfather), and one day when I was 13 I saw him grab my mum's friend's five year old by the back of his collar and drag the boy over to him because the child had ignored him. In that moment I realised if I had children I couldn't leave them with my dad because he was similar.

Later my mum was trying to get my 3 year old niece out of the car. My niece was mucking about and refusing and my mum said get out or I'll smack you. And I realised I couldn't leave kids with my mum either. I didn't have children because of this, so I really understand that what you are watching is a repeat of the dynamic that dominated your childhood. It's being played out again on your son, who you want to protect, so you are doubly hurt - by being told your parenting is not good and by your son being exposed to this verbal abuse.

In your shoes I would certainly get a taxi and leave. It is not unreasonable at all. I would then inform my father that if he wanted to see me and my child again, he would have to stop being abusive. At this point he might become abusive to you and your response is, "this is exactly why I won't see you. Until you behave properly, that's it". If there are consequences for children who misbehave then there are consequences for parents too.

I am so sorry that he did that to your son and to you. Leave as quickly as you can. Even if you pack your bags and tell your dad to take you both to the station.

What the hell am I reading here? I like good table manners as much as the next person but this is pretty average behaviour for a 5 year old and your dad was being unreasonable.

Your child should have behaved properly, your dad shouldn't have got worked up. You are stuck in the middle. Talk to your dad, as others have said apologise but be clear about how you felt about what he said. Then move on.

So your son is so shy that he freezes when he’s asked a question, this behaviour is ‘out of character’ as he’s usually well behaved , and yet he does something as bold and naughty as repeatedly burping after being warned? Does not sound like a shy and well behaved kid.
some kids today are just so badly behaved and it’s because no one else is allowed to step in even though it affects them. Op burping at the table is disgusting, and it affects other people at the table. So I do think other people can say something if they want.

I was just about to ask how your Dad treated you as a 5-year old and then saw your first update.
Your Dad is controlling and doesn’t sound very understanding or empathetic to your situation. I remember how they can be at that age and as much as mine were no trouble, it really was a big ask to expect them to still perfectly still and not fiddle with everything.
Your son is at an age where he finds burping hilarious and your Dad really shouldn’t be judging him so harshly.
You sound lovely and you need to get a taxi to come and collect you both asap and get your lovely son safely home with you where he isn’t constantly being judged and criticised for acting his age.

Op - you seem to be making excuses for your son's behavior. He sounds like he needs disipline.

I am going against the flow. I am a grandparent and if my grandchildren are there with their parents it is up to the parents to tell them off. Having said that, I am exasperated at children who get up and down from the table the whole time.

Tells me the dad is the one in the right here. Op has made all sorts of excuses

You keep telling yourself that. All I see is a nasty pile on towards a 5 year old child.

In the majority it is in good faith

I’m sorry your DF is a bully OP, but good for you for not sticking around so he could bully your DS.

On balance, in your shoes I would leave if I could afford a taxi. If I couldn’t, I would keep out of your DF’s way until Sunday - unless he made some moves to show he regrets his actions, in which case I would engage to a degree.

Good luck. I hope things calm down enough for you and your little boy to enjoy your time in beautiful Wales.

Cant you get a taxi to the train station? No he shouldn't have spoke to your son like that he's only 5! He's your son not his!

No it's not. It's offered to see who can be the biggest areshole.

I agree with this. Think through what you're going to say, speak clearly and firmly so there's no misunderstanding. Now's the time to get the backbone you needed when he behaved like this to you. Good luck.

YABU your son wasn't behaving himself and, although you say you were "dealing with it", your dad stepped in old-skool parenting stylee. Think it highlights how different generations parent differently.

Agree 100%

Personally I don’t think anyone should be shouting at someone else’s child. You weren’t dealing with it effectively that is clear, and I expect there is a difficult and stressful dynamic with your dad that you son well have reacted to.

Why are you spending time with your dad given he’s controlling and emotionally abusive? That’s not an environment to take a small child into.

If the behaviour from your son was unusual why did he do it? It’s a strange thing to do for the first time when out.

I would leave early and take some time to understand why you’re spending time with a man who clearly doesn’t like or respect you, even if he is your dad.

A bad beginning doesn't have to mean a bad ending.

if you go home early you are creating a bad ending with no chance of things improving.

Speak to your son. Tell him yesterday was a bad day all round so today is going to be a fresh start.

Make a plan for today. Get out of the house. Play games with him. Burn off his energy. Validate and encourage his good behaviours.

It sounds like your dad is too set in his ways to change but you can change yourresponses to him. If you think he is being unreasonable tell him very calmly "I'm the parent here Dad, I'll handle this' and just keep repeating it. Practice it in front of a mirror if you have to.

@Sparklesbigtoe if you are still reading this - if it was me, I'd leave (I'd also come off this thread, too many batshit or bored people here).

You don't need anyone's permission, least of all your dad's. You can leave. You don't have to expose your son to what you went through, just because that's his granddad. Not all grandad's are nice. Not all dad's are good. You can leave and then decide how much of a relationship your dad gets to have with your son later

I posted before your last reply.

My post was more about what my dad said after to me - that I was a rubbish mum and I’m bringing him up with no manners. It was so hurtful to hear that from my own parent when I’m trying my absolute best as a single parent with little support
Firstly , your child didn't have any manners so your dad was correct. The truth can hurt.
Secondly, your dad was supporting you by telling your child off. You can't complain about no support if you won't accept him stepping in on occasion. That is what support can look like but what do you think support is?

However you can talk to your dad about the how to discipline/teach. It shouldn't be about what he was trying to do but the raised voice etc. But be honest with yourself how much of that was your dad's frustration at your lack of effective discipline?

My nephew is almost 11 and he eats like an animal. He has no table manners, shovels food in and barely chews, eats with his mouth open, doesn't cut food up and often uses his fingers. I can't bare sitting opposite him at family meals. His mother wasn't brought up like this but doesn't correct him. It feels like we are constantly criticising him when we say close your mouth, use your cutlery, cut your food etc.

He also does the burping thing, it's disgusting but he thinks it's hilarious.

Don't let your child be my nephew.

At five years old your dad is right, your son is rude for burping at the table and not sitting still. I would hate having a child acting like this staying in my house too.

I don't know. Repeatedly burping at the dinner table is pretty wild - does he do that at home?

Wow 5 pages pf comments and nobody has said yet ‘maybe the child has SN’ 🤣🤣🤣

agree with the above, disgusting behaviour and absolutely needed calling out.