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Original poster

AIBU to think his solo holiday plans are selfish?

230 replies

Sam17062002 · 20/08/2026 23:41

For some background context, I have taken mine and my partners children on holiday twice. Once last year for a week and once this year for 10 nights. Both times my partner has opted out in coming due to personal extended family issues.
now my partner has decided he wants to go away in October for a week on his own to “somewhere with a sunbed where he can do nothing” am I being unreasonable in thinking this is selfish? Me and my partner have already been away for a weekend without the children and he has actually never been away with the kids.
I know I probably haven’t explained this the best but I am feeling annoyed that he thinks it’s acceptable to go away without even considering me or the kids

OP posts:
Elsvieta · 21/08/2026 07:47

You've settled for a half-in, half-out relationship all along, and that's what you've got. He is U, but you are U to imagine he'd be any different. You didn't get married before having kids, you're not both equally financially committed to the family, he doesn't even live with you FT. So now you do the work of parenting all the time and he treats it like an optional hobby that he can pick up and put down as he likes. (Supported in this by his mum, it seems). Crap, but predictable.

whippersnapper55 · 21/08/2026 07:47

Sam17062002 · 21/08/2026 07:04

ive Recently moved house, it is rented and he did not want to put his name down on anything so I did tell him he would have to go back to his mums until he wanted to do things properly, there is a lot more context to our relationship and I’d spend forever trying to write it all down but he’s very stuck in his ways and has verbally voiced that he wants nothing to do with my parents, whom I am very close with.
when we first got together I did genuinely believe I’d found an amazing person whom treated my daughter like his own but when I fell pregnant with the others the rose tinted glasses soon fell off, we have been in this cycle for years now and it is mentally draining but I have definitely come to the conclusion that I’m not being unreasonable about this holiday

Don't worry about the holiday, it sounds like you've got much bigger problems, frankly. Why are you continuing in this relationship? He sounds like a useless, selfish, lazy piece of work and you'd be better off without him.

HalzTangz · 21/08/2026 07:43

SueblueNZ · 21/08/2026 05:20

I am confused.

Would he go on holiday with you & the children if your parents weren’t going?
Where does it say that the OPs holidays have included her parents?

When the op quoted he won't go because the grandfather, so assume this is a holiday to visit family rather than a package holiday

daisychain01 · 21/08/2026 07:41

LuckyHazelFox · 21/08/2026 07:35

Apologies. You are right.

Show quote history

No problem!

just to correct my mis-statement, there are 2 shared DC that @Sam17062002 needs to consult with him on. She doesn't need to talk about the eldest DD as he has no say or right to discuss her upbringing,

DurinsBane · 21/08/2026 07:40

Sam17062002 · 21/08/2026 00:24

@JustGiveMeReason there’s has been many occasions where he has moved back into his mums house or he’s worked alot but it’s more so the having to remember every appointment or when the kids need new clothes or taking them somewhere as simple as the park etc

So is it his parents or yours that he doesn’t have a relationship with? Why did that stop him going on holiday with you all, or were the grandparents with you?

Frozensun · 21/08/2026 07:36

Just so I get it right, 2 youngest are his biologically and he/your parents don’t get on. Did your parents go in the 2 holidays he didn’t attend?
And ‘the shine’ has gone off your eldest, once the others came along? That’s a real issue. She’s going to know that and it will impact her long term.
His behaviour would indicate that there really isn’t a full relationship from his side,

Billender · 21/08/2026 07:35

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LuckyHazelFox · 21/08/2026 07:35

daisychain01 · 21/08/2026 07:33

No we have not "all bagged a dick" - speak for yourself!

what you'd be reasonable stating is that most of us on here recognise a dick when we see one, and he most certainly is!

what's more to the point, is that @Sam17062002 would be well advised to discuss the shared care of their 3 children with him and state that he can stay at his mums permanently because she's withdrawing his right of entry to the rented property for which she holds the tenancy agreement (and presumably pays for it)

Edited
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Apologies. You are right.

Billender · 21/08/2026 07:35

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DizzyWhoreEighteenHundredAndFour · 21/08/2026 07:34

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Hush now Bellender.

@Sam17062002 of course yanbu. Please leave this excuse for a partner/father. Your life (and your children's lives) will be so much better, I promise 💐

Quokkafeet · 21/08/2026 07:33

How old are the children and are they all biologically yours or his or both?

Not sure why I'm asking as clearly yanbu, I'm just trying to figure out why he thinks this is OK.

daisychain01 · 21/08/2026 07:33

LuckyHazelFox · 21/08/2026 07:29

Well what do you call making a point and then putting the boot in on several more posts. The OP is aware she's got a twat in tow - that's why she's here asking fellow women for support. We have all bagged a dick at some point.

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No we have not "all bagged a dick" - speak for yourself!

what you'd be reasonable stating is that most of us on here recognise a dick when we see one, and he most certainly is!

what's more to the point, is that @Sam17062002 would be well advised to discuss the shared care of their 3 children with him and state that he can stay at his mums permanently because she's withdrawing his right of entry to the rented property for which she holds the tenancy agreement (and presumably pays for it)

likeafishneedsabike · 21/08/2026 07:31

LuckyHazelFox · 21/08/2026 07:29

Well what do you call making a point and then putting the boot in on several more posts. The OP is aware she's got a twat in tow - that's why she's here asking fellow women for support. We have all bagged a dick at some point.

Show quote history

This 100%

daisychain01 · 21/08/2026 07:31

WhatNextImScared · 21/08/2026 07:20

Oh sorry just seen they are all biologically his. Sounds like he’s checked out of being a dad tbh.

No they share two children and @Sam17062002 also has a DD who isn't biologically his.

LuckyHazelFox · 21/08/2026 07:29

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Well what do you call making a point and then putting the boot in on several more posts. The OP is aware she's got a twat in tow - that's why she's here asking fellow women for support. We have all bagged a dick at some point.

Billender · 21/08/2026 07:27

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LuckyHazelFox · 21/08/2026 07:25

Longtimelurker1980 · 21/08/2026 07:23

Gosh some people have really hit low here, no need.

Probably projecting on the OP. I agree, there's no need to be so brutal.

Ellie1015 · 21/08/2026 07:24

Well done for not letting him move in without contributing financially and as a parent/partner.

You are not wrong, refusing family holiday twice is weird/disappointed. Then going on holiday with you and now alone makes him outrageous. I would end it.

LuckyHazelFox · 21/08/2026 07:24

chirrupybird · 21/08/2026 07:21

Book the same resort at the same time for you and the kids and just turn up?

Or more realistically book a solo holiday for yourself when he comes back, you deserve a break more than he does.

Or just dump him then he can look after his own kids, there must be better out there. I think it's a deal breaker.

Booking the holiday at the same time is a brilliant idea!

Longtimelurker1980 · 21/08/2026 07:23

Gosh some people have really hit low here, no need.

Billender · 21/08/2026 07:21

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chirrupybird · 21/08/2026 07:21

Book the same resort at the same time for you and the kids and just turn up?

Or more realistically book a solo holiday for yourself when he comes back, you deserve a break more than he does.

Or just dump him then he can look after his own kids, there must be better out there. I think it's a deal breaker.

LuckyHazelFox · 21/08/2026 07:21

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I think you've made your point. Lay off her now please.

WhatNextImScared · 21/08/2026 07:20

Oh sorry just seen they are all biologically his. Sounds like he’s checked out of being a dad tbh.

Billender · 21/08/2026 07:19

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