AIBU to think his solo holiday plans are selfish?

If you are already having to protect them and shelter them from the issues, then that suggests you are aware that he isn't a good dad and are covering for him.

As others suggest, you need to break away from him. You already do all the hard work so what does he actually contribute? He doesn't come across as a caring and loving father, maybe he is better as a partner?

You effectively are a single parent to 3 already so I would make it official.

You want advice about a holiday and then are annoyed that people point out your relationship, the holiday isnt the issue your partner is the issue, hes leading the life of a single man and he doesnt want commitment or responsibility, hes treating you terribly and doesnt want to be around his children, change the locks, apply for child maintenance and get rid of him

They are hers as well. Do you never look after your kids without your partner there

He sounds terrible. However I wouldn't leap in to judge him missing out on holidays if you are going with your parents because he doesn't get on with them, when I don't know the background to that. For all we know your parents might be horrible to him! (I suspect they aren't but I think they've got him sussed).

The good news is - the house is yours, you've got a good job and you are managing the children by yourself already. You are hardly going to miss him at all when you give him the shove, are you?

OP, please try to look past the harsh language. We, collectively, as women are simply exasperated by hearing the same stories of useless partners. Many of us made a decision to leave these useless partners behind and we sort of forgot that we were at certain point struggling to make that choice. So when we read your story, it hits the spot.
The reality of the situation is that you have a man who doesn't add anything of value to your life. He is a dead weight. You absolutely should have higher standards but this relationship is beyond repair. He should go on holiday and stay there for good.
You have your house, career and support network. You have enough and you don't need a man-baby who doesn't respect you in your life. Please get rid.

Yeah he’s a shit Dad. Never been on holiday with his own children, constantly running back to live with mummy. What sort of relationship is this? Those poor children.

Set your bar higher OP. He sounds rather useless, and extremely selfish.
Out of interest, where is he intending to go on his solo holiday?

He's not bringing anything to your life. Let him go on holiday. And take his stuff to his mum's. Job done . Be prepared for him either wanting nothing more to do with his kids or completely doing a 180 and claiming he's super dad and wants 5050

Why are you running around looking after this knobs kids on holiday, whilst he's dealing with 'extended family issues'?
Why is he going back to mum to stay with her so often? Just bin him off back to his mummy, he sounds like an immature kid who is incapble of doing adult things i.e being a decent p and a good f unless it's something HE wants to do.
Stroopy teen comes to mind.

This is deeply selfish unless there is a plan in place for you to get the same deal next spring/summer.
It's not exactly the same but next week I'm taking myself off for a day and night away to hike Yr wyddfa / Snowdon. I really want to do this solo without my DP or three year old. I'm going first because it was my idea etc. but DP thinks it is also something he would like to do so at some point in autumn or maybe next spring, he will go off and do the same.

Have you suggested you and the kids join him in October? What was his response?

It sounds like your previous holidays have been with your family and he's not wanted to go. Why have you gone on those and not one with him?

This was my first thought too, but I didn't like to say.

No. They have two kids together, she has one from a previous relationship. The original post is confusing @Sam17062002it reads like you’re looking after steps children as well. I’d leave him, you’re a single parent already.

He is basically someone who likes the outward appearance of having a family, but wants to put them back in their box when he can’t be bothered. Holidays alone can be healthy and I wouldn’t be concerned about that, except for the detail in this arrangement is that you took the children away and he didn’t participate, he’s been away with you without the children and now he wants a relaxing solo holiday. He opting in and out whenever it suits which is not acceptable in a partnership. He’s being a pathetic excuse for a parent and a partner and you deserve better.

The details you’ve added are more concerning to me and things I wouldn’t ignore. The issue with your parents for one is something which would make me reconsider. He’s not treating you well and by avoiding your parents he’s giving himself the space to be able to be worse to you without consequence. Your parents are likely to be the ones brave and close enough to point out when he is misbehaving, if he can ‘hate’ them then it adds an awkward dynamic between you and your parents, so you are less likely to listen to them. It’s not abuse by itself but it is likely to be part of a bigger picture. I don’t think we have enough information to judge that but I’m sure there are details we are unaware of which make your like more unpleasant.

He’a only half in this relationship; I’d walk away and get on with things as you always have. He doesn’t seem to bring much to the family. He’ll be able to go on all the solo holidays he likes then but at least you won’t have to stand by and watch.

I once read a poster on here say single dads wanted a "nanny with a fanny" and I think she was spot on.

If the sexes were reversed everyone would be cheering the woman on, encouraging her to take the solo holiday and saying the man had just done the bare minimum taking care of the kids while his wife dealt with her extended family issues.

Everyone needs some time alone. Some of us need more alone time than others. Let him have his; you'll be a stronger position when you want your own week-long solo holiday later.

He is unreasonable but as you have allowed him to do and commit to so little it's not surprising.
He will always treat you like this.
So if you want it to stop you need to set boundaries. Step away. Claim child support and sort out custody arrangements for no2 & 3. I assume you get cms for no 1 child? If not sort that too. The fact that he has been in her life since 1y doesn't put that responsibility on him. Good luck.
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Agree with this.

Yes he is being completely unreasonable about the holiday, but when you look at his overall behaviour then that is what needs addressing.

Why is he not financially committing to you and the children? Is the reason he didn't want to put his name down on the tenancy so he doesn't have to pay? Does he actually contribute to the household and children?
Why can he opt out and live with mum?

Tell him you’ve managed 2 holidays solo parenting the kids and he already got a “break” at home. You’ll consider him going only after you’ve had a week away yourself. It’s only fair.