AIBU to think his solo holiday plans are selfish?

Seemed quite clear to me from the OP

They are hers as well.

That was only clarified after I posted last night.

The opening post said "For some background context, I have taken mine and my partners children on holiday twice", from which I inferred she had taken her own dc and also her partner's dc. I can see I wasn't the only one confused by the phrasing.

Do you never look after your kids without your partner there
Of course I did, The difference being, he also sometimes looked after them when I wasn't there. Plus of course we both took them on holiday together when they were children.

I am completely estranged from my family. They have gone as far as stalking me and spreading lies about Dh and I saying we are trying to blackmail them (we aren’t, we cut them off due to my mum’s partner’s criminal record and the fact he is a known safeguarding risk to children). My life is incredibly stressful. I also have incurable cancer. None of that stops me going on family holidays. In fact, I’ve taken my dc on holiday solo twice this year. I also go on holiday by myself too, which is lovely, but well earned and not at the expense of quality time with my children.

Think it's time to set some new, clear boundaries @Sam17062002 . He has no respect for you as a parent or partner. Won't go on holiday with you and the children, doesn't want his name on lease. This may work in your favour should you pack his bags while he is on his solo holiday.
He is a very poor role model for the children as a parent and general all round human being. His parents still seem to think their poor son is so hard done by. Perhaps he should move back with them and let you get on with parenting.

@Sam17062002 , I won't waste time commenting on your 'partner's holiday, as it sounds as insignificant as 🤷🏾‍♀️.

I will say to you though, that there is more to life than a relationship that makes you miserable.

There's more to life than extending yourself, above and beyond for a man's children. Even more so for ones whose father don't care about you.

There's more to life than wasting away with a man who doesn't love you. And know, he will sleep next to you every night (when he's not off on his solo jollies) and not like/love or care about you.

You are worth more than this man will ever offer you.

You will have more time and emotional energy to are for yourself and your children, when you don't have a bellend sapping your energy.

I know you told someone upthread to leave your children out of it; but they are very much in this circus. Every minute you waste on this person, is time you take away from yourself and from them.

He is also showing his children that he doesn't care as much for them (if at all), as much as he cares for himself. They deserve more.

He is also not committed to your family in the way he should be. He doesn't even wish to help you secure a home for your family. What more do you need him to tell you and show you?

Same here, change the locks and bin him off. He obviously has no respect for you. If you are a single parent in all but name you might as well ditch the dead wood and become one. You would at least get some time to yourself when the kids are with him. He sounds like a selfish twat.

Tell him not to bother coming back to your house and put in a claim with CMS.
End the cycle once and for all.

You need to model what you want them to become. If you stay in this marriage with this poor excuse of a man, your children will think this is how men are supposed to behave and how women are supposed to be treated. Do better for them.

I agree with this.
OP, give some serious thought to the relationship you are modelling to your children.
A mother doing it all and a complete loser father allowed to completely suit himself.
Absolutely shocking.

Because he won't. She said she'd asked if they could do one just them 5 and he said no

You have choices now. To accept this or something better for you and your DC.

Edit to add: I'm absolute fuming on your behalf please find some energy to get angry.

I agree.

I do not accept anything of either DP or DS that I would not want for my DD. They all know what's acceptable and what isn't. Everyone in our household is treated equally and fairly. Family first, individuals second.

So what's your plan? Are you going too?
Will this change your relationship? That's he's ignored your views and done it anyway and left you high and dry?

If I wanted the relationship to work I'd find a way to take the children and go with him.

If I didn't want the relationship to continue I'd be telling him to pack his stuff and move to his parents until he was ready to parent his kids and be a partner.

Ball is clearly in your work now. He's made his thoughts very clear.

my partner has decided he wants to go away in October for a week on his own to “somewhere with a sunbed where he can do nothing”

That sounds like a dream, I’d love that myself, but alas, won’t be happening any time soon as I have children and have to use my precious annual leave on supervising and spending time with them. Which luckily I love.

Seriously, stop being annoyed and started getting angry. The absolute fucking cheek of him.