AIBU to think his solo holiday plans are selfish?

Sadly I would presume that once again this “relationship” is staggering on

Have you stuck to your guns @Sam17062002

So you were holidaying with your parents who he doesn't get along with, or your exs parents? If your parents, major red flag flying, if you exs, understandable, but nothing stopping him from staying in nearby accommodation. Or even you all doing that. You could even let the gps babysit sometimes and go out for dinner as a couple.

Sounded pretty clear cut to me. You do all the heavy lifting when it comes to family holidays and he holidays like a single man.

Well, carry it on doing the same old s and you'll keep in getting the same old s!
When I realised I'd become a martyr in the relationship, then I decided enough was enough and got shot. There are no living martyrs. Up to you, but you sound as if you're doing it on your own anyway.

oh I really hope that you stick with this @Sam17062002

Have you told your parents yet? I imagine they’re overjoyed!

Well done OP. I’m sorry you have had some unsupportive replies but glad to see you’ve also had some support along the way. Older women do get frustrated seeing younger women allow themselves to be treated poorly by men, and we forget we were young once too. I’ve been a single parent for over ten years now, I’ve had brilliant support from other women in that time including from exMIL and exSIL. Like yours, my exMIL has stepped up for childcare in a way her son absolutely has not, allowing my career to flourish.

It’s hard when you’re young to forgo the dream of a romantic relationship but in your case it’s not forever. Just dig in and do the best for your children for now.

Good luck, strength and power to you.

Well someone didn’t bother to read the Op did they @Mapletree1985

That’s the biggest pile of rubbish I’ve ever heard! No woman refuses family holidays then wants to go away on her own and would probably be criticised harsher if she did !

I really really hope you mean it this time.

Just ensure you get the ball rolling in CMS. This loser, living with his mama and scabbing off his daddy for his holiday, will be a tricky bugger.

And don’t FGS get in to another relationship until you have healed, maybe got some therapy and just hunkered down with your children.

Message his mum as presumably you need her involvement for your 12 hour shifts

Well done!! You've got this. Stay firm and hold your boundary. Good luck x

This solo holiday seems like the icing on the cake of an utter shit show of a relationship.

I cannot, in any shape or form, imagine being with a man who lives with his parents whilst I live with his two children and my children from a previous relationship. What on earth must your friends and family think for a start?! And your daughter… when she goes to school… won’t she realise that actually - if your mum and dad are supposedly together, they are meant to live together. Without your dad flouncing out every now and then.

We are trying to help you see that you are trying to turn a pig’s ear into a silk purse. It can’t be done.

You “ended it” last night! That’s great! Now choose yourself, your children, your life over him next time he comes quivering around you for sex snd housing. Don’t take him back. Strike out on your own emotionally. Be brave.

OP, I was 25 when I separated from my first husband. He was horrid, and I stayed far longer than I should have. We had a child together even though I saw the warning signs, so no excuse.

I was 28 when I met my current husband; he is so lovely, and we have been together 8 years now, with a house of our own and a little DD.

You are SO young, I know you think you love him, but he will just keep causing you pain and make your life harder. There are good men out there, not perfect of course but a man who will adore you. Don't settle...for this...

I wish you luck and hope you get out.

She never said they weren’t?

OP, that's WONDERFUL news!! Well done for ending it. I know it's not as easy as we all think it is when it comes to other people, but at the end of the day, you say you've split before and gone back, with hopes of 'things being better this time', only to find that they're not. So please do yourself, and your children a HUGE favour, and make this the last time that you put yourself through the pain of breaking up, with no doubting yourself, or second thoughts.

I'm sure from all the responses you've had to this thread, it is now clear to you that his behaviour is NOT acceptable, and that it's not a case of 'if only you did this' or 'if only you did that' things would be better and he'd treat you the way you'd like him to, but the fact is, that NOTHING you do will ever change him! He's NOT the man you met anymore, and in actual fact probably never was, but he acted a part, to get, and keep you interested in the early stages, then couldn't keep it up. So now that the mask has slipped, and he's found out that he can just treat you like shit, you'll have a massive row and throw him out, but then a bit of sweet talking, and a few promises to change, which he already knows he won't keep, and you're back where it suits HIM, and he reverts to type.

A while ago someone told me a saying which may well be appropriate in your case, it is this:

If you always do, what you've always done, then you'll always get, what you always got.

Think about it!

This is what you've been doing over recent years, so if you keep doing it, you'll end up back here again, in the same old pattern.

Wishing you all the VERY BEST! Stay strong, you CAN do this!!

They are her kids, isn’t nanny with a fanny usually used for a step mum (or girlfriend)?

He doesn’t see you as a partner. It’s really as simple as that. You are just a convenience and will parent children.

Exactly what I thought, it’s rubbish, he just didn’t want to go away.

You’re not in a relationship with the man you met 5 years ago—you’re in a relationship with the man he is TODAY. Your decisions need to be based on this fact.

Ignore them, I very much doubt that any of those having a go at you would have their heads together enough and be eloquent enough to give all the information in one post. Even the news of ending it, as I'd probably be looking for people's reactions to justify / make me question my decision.

I'm so glad to hear that you finished it, and if you take anything away from this post, it's that he's no good for you and you need to make this change permanent. Your children will be far better off this way too, if anything, do it for them. Two happy and separate parents are better than one unhappy, volatile and unpredictable family x

You’ve done the right thing. You’re too young for this nonsense. This is an unfortunate life lesson so learn from it and don’t take him back. You’re worth much more.

Good for you, OP.

You deserve so much better than him.