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Original poster

Feel like I have failed after GS failed every GCSE

134 replies

CuddlyBears · 20/08/2026 23:13

First post on MN please be kind. Some context

When my DD was 13 she got pregnant, she didn't really show at all and she was they thought 28/29 weeks gone. I still wonder how no one knew, not me, not her school, not anyone. DD’s behaviour had changed from the beginning of year 8, she was more snappy and moodier and honestly off the rails. I begged for help from school but nothing happened, she was excluded from school and we didn't have mum and daughter days anymore or anything

I wasn't even angry I was more shocked than anything. She was too far gone for an abortion. Prior to this nothing changed in her life to cause this she just fell into a trap after meeting her bf. He was the year above but only months older so nothing was done as they were both underage having sex and dd made it clear she wasn't coerced

She gave birth about 8 weeks after she found out and he was tiny but healthy and I've raised him since then, I got a guardianship order (i think that’s the name forgive me if not im exhausted).

I don’t want to make this thread long and unreadable so will reply to questions but his behaviour is awful tbh, he vapes and smokes weed often, steals alcohol, selfharms, is rude and disrespectful to me, he spends almost all of his time gaming on his PC and doesnt really go out. His room is disgusting the one time he did go out (the other week) I went in his room and found 2 bottles of his wee and when i confronted him later on and told him how disgusting it was he was just like “oh well you shouldn’t have gone in my room then”.

He got his gcse results today and he already was in a terrible mood because i had woken him up to go get them. He came back and threw them at me unopened and went back to bed. He’s failed everything. He mostly got 1s and 2s but he also got a U it says he got 3 marks across 3 papers on that one.

I’m upset and disappointed he doesnt care I went to talk to him and he was ignoring me so I turned his PC off and honestly that gave a bigger reaction than him finding out he failed everything. I didn’t expect him to get the top grades or even pass everything just something at least. I feel like I’ve failed him and yes this is probably the tip of the iceberg but seeing parents today saying about how well their children have done even on the radio I heard it. I feel like such a shit parent because it does feel like im his parent really rather than his grandparent

OP posts:
Wellshellsbells · 21/08/2026 01:07

ChickenBananaBanana · 21/08/2026 00:11

TBF what did you expect? Sell the PC.

What a pleasant human you are! Straight in to kick the op when she is down.
she stepped in and raised her grandson.
OP could you contact the school and see if there is any help available to him?

Original poster
CuddlyBears · 21/08/2026 01:07

I know he needs help but there's no one that will help. He doesn't have a social worker and when I last spoke to the GP about the self harm they wanted to talk to him (it was over the phone) but he refused so they couldn’t do anything other than the camhs referral but at the same time i don’t think his sleep is helping any matters because it’s all over the place as in he sleeps all day and hes awake most of the night. I woke him up today and got sworn at which is the norm with him. He was offered school counselling but he didnt really engage

DD was living with us after he was born and when he was young and after he was born she calmed down a bit and went back to school etc but she then got pregnant again at 16 (with the same boy, they had and still HAVE an on/off thing) I wasn’t pleased and she blames me for forcing her to have an abortion when all I said was if she chose to have the baby I wasn’t looking after it because she obviously knew how babies were made by that point and how easy it could be to get pregnant . I was already raising GS who was a toddler and if I had given in and raised the next baby and then the next when would it have stopped

He doesnt see his mum or siblings , sometimes they come here very rarely like at Christmas for example and he hates it but tbh i dont see them much depending on how my relationship with dd is at the time and its more bad thbut she’s admitted to me she doesnt see him as her child but shes never tried to even get to know him on any other level but he just refers to her as “her” or a bitch which I always pull him up on

His dad is in the on/off relationship with his mum and GS didn’t actually properly meet him until he was 12/13, he briefly went to stay with his dad which was his choice but his dad brought him back after a few days and told him he’ll take him out but he cant live with him and since then GS hates him, his dad gave him money a few months ago and attempted suicide and when GS found out he didnt seem concerned or upset or any normal reaction he just said “he should try harder next time” which isnt the person i raised

Im going to phone the school tomorrow i think they said someone will be around to talk about results

Ill reply to other replies tomorrow too. apologies this comment is so long

OP posts:
sugarrosepetal · 21/08/2026 01:04

Tbh his grades would be the last thing on my mind. Grades can be made up by attending basic adult education classes and college.

In regards to his mental health, gaming, and drug taking, what support does he have? And is his time online being monitored to see who he is speaking to and what he is accessing?

Groaaan · 21/08/2026 01:04

You’ve missed out all the bits about how he was raised…regardless of who did it

Devonshiregal · 21/08/2026 01:00

TheHatOfHappiness · 21/08/2026 00:53

He sounds like he is crying out for support but he may be unable to receive it if offered, as it sounds like he is in a big hole.

His mental health will be the main reason for his room, and probably for the pee bottles because he likely struggles to get up even when he needs to, at times.

My youngest got Fs, Gs, and Us today. I am gutted. She is autistic, clearly adhd but I had lost the will for paperwork so no dx, and she is dyslexic. She tries hard but is in a special class at school.

I know she is worth more than her grades but I feel sad for her and also guilty because it feels like I have failed her. I am going to try and get her to sit down with me downstairs this coming year, to work on things, in the hope that her actual GCSE grades in a years time, better reflect her capabilities.

She left a toxic friend group off her own back last year, which is good because they were getting into all kinds of trouble. But several of her current friends have just left year 11 and there's no sixth form, so I don't know if we are about to see a change.

You aren't a failure. Things happen. Your DGS has been born into a situation where his parent isn't the one rearing him - this makes him different. He is a male in this time of Tate and Me Too and the (correct but sometimes viewed as difficult) current of everyone cracking down on boys' and mens' behaviours and the patriarchy - schools are an increasingly hostile institution for all students. And he sounds like he has fallen in with some toxic friends, which can be easier to do if anything sits a kid on the outside for any reason.

He would benefit from seeing CAMHS but I know the waiting lists are ridiculous. If he has a social worker, or you could geg one for him, they may be able to help.

if your kid has adhd but they arent actually diagnosed theyre missing a diagnosis and potentially life changing medication.

TheHatOfHappiness · 21/08/2026 00:53

He sounds like he is crying out for support but he may be unable to receive it if offered, as it sounds like he is in a big hole.

His mental health will be the main reason for his room, and probably for the pee bottles because he likely struggles to get up even when he needs to, at times.

My youngest got Fs, Gs, and Us today. I am gutted. She is autistic, clearly adhd but I had lost the will for paperwork so no dx, and she is dyslexic. She tries hard but is in a special class at school.

I know she is worth more than her grades but I feel sad for her and also guilty because it feels like I have failed her. I am going to try and get her to sit down with me downstairs this coming year, to work on things, in the hope that her actual GCSE grades in a years time, better reflect her capabilities.

She left a toxic friend group off her own back last year, which is good because they were getting into all kinds of trouble. But several of her current friends have just left year 11 and there's no sixth form, so I don't know if we are about to see a change.

You aren't a failure. Things happen. Your DGS has been born into a situation where his parent isn't the one rearing him - this makes him different. He is a male in this time of Tate and Me Too and the (correct but sometimes viewed as difficult) current of everyone cracking down on boys' and mens' behaviours and the patriarchy - schools are an increasingly hostile institution for all students. And he sounds like he has fallen in with some toxic friends, which can be easier to do if anything sits a kid on the outside for any reason.

He would benefit from seeing CAMHS but I know the waiting lists are ridiculous. If he has a social worker, or you could geg one for him, they may be able to help.

AlgaeDreams · 21/08/2026 00:50

This could have been my son 15 years ago.

For all of those wading in, how many teenage boys have you brought up alone?

My son was 6'4 and was physically abusive towards me. I tried to help him, his Nana and Grandad did but he was having none of it.

I hate to say this @CuddlyBears but mine is no better now at 29. Lives in a room in a shared house. The others all work. He just stays in his room
He doesn't engage... There's nothing I can do.
He had to move out because of his violence and his younger sister had to come first (she's now doing her Alevels!)

Oh @CuddlyBears what support are you getting? You must be exhausted.
Make sure you get yourself some counselling so that you know that the decisions you will be making in the future are the right ones.

Does he respect you? I guess I mean - is he violent toward you? If so involve CS straight away. I wanted to but my Mum thought he'd be put in care so took him in and gave in to his every whim. I've told her over and over that we would have been better off getting help.
I think you need some, and I'm speaking from experience with no judgement at all. Give one of the services a call because I think this is too much to take on, on your own.
Good luck darling, message if you want.

Crikey, I handed out my first darling 😂😘 < have that too!

DjangoEverythingx2 · 21/08/2026 00:44

Ahh this is such a hard situation. I think first thing is that he needs some mental health support, he sounds very depressed. Second, speak to your local FE college. Often they have courses designed for young people like your grandson to get them re-engaged with education. Sometimes it’s some sort of foundation learning course, sometimes it’s a level 1 or entry 3 in something trades-related. Does he have any interests at all? A vocational course might suit him very well and give him a feeling of purpose. You can usually phone and speak to admissions, who will help you and him decide next steps.

Starlia · 21/08/2026 00:41

It sounds very much like your family is in crisis, OP. You need support and help, your GS desperately needs support and help.
Does he have a relationship with his mum and/or dad?

LBFseBrom · 21/08/2026 00:41

I am wondering how and what your daughter is doing now, I realise she had her boy very young but she's still his mother.

You need some professional advice, I am sorry things are so difficult.

Firefly1987 · 21/08/2026 00:41

No dad OR grandad in the picture? No surprises there then. Where are the useless men in all this?

thisismeithinkorisit · 21/08/2026 00:38

op it sounds like he's been struggling for a long time. where is his Mom? she presumably stayed living at home until he was at least 5? does he have a relationship with her? his Dad?
he sounds like a very damaged young lad, who needed intervention years ago. I don't know what you do next, but his GCSEs really are the least of it

JillyComeLately · 21/08/2026 00:32

Namenamchange · 21/08/2026 00:24

I’m sorry, it must be very hard. I wouldn’t worry about the GCSE’s, I would worry about the self harming and his self esteem.
Start with the GP, if he will go, of not self refer to social services.

This.
I feel so sad for you, please get outside help, all this is too much for you to cope with alone.

nocoolnamesleft · 21/08/2026 00:31

The self harm part rather jumped out at me. What help have you managed to get for that?

HeddaGarbled · 21/08/2026 00:28

The GCSEs results are largely irrelevant right now. This is a disturbed young man who needs intervention. Do you have a Social Worker?

Namenamchange · 21/08/2026 00:28

ChickenBananaBanana · 21/08/2026 00:11

TBF what did you expect? Sell the PC.

Don’t sell the PC, at least you know where he is when he’s on it. Maybe limit the hours, so he sleeps at the right time.

ChickenBananaBanana · 21/08/2026 00:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Am I thick? Maybe. She hasn't asked how to help him. Or what the next steps should be. Because at no point has she mentioned that she has done anything to help him. Just that she feels shit cos he failed and others didn't.

Winter2020 · 21/08/2026 00:26

I'm sorry things are so rough.
Did he attend school regularly?
Do you think he would be motivated by earning money if he could look for a retail or hospitality apprenticeship or a trade like carpentry or bricklaying?

AutumnAllTheWay · 21/08/2026 00:26

ChickenBananaBanana · 21/08/2026 00:17

He has obviously needed help and intervention for a while! He's self harming, drinking and smoking, stealing etc

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Why do you keep stating the obvious?

AutumnAllTheWay · 21/08/2026 00:25

This reply has been deleted

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Namenamchange · 21/08/2026 00:24

I’m sorry, it must be very hard. I wouldn’t worry about the GCSE’s, I would worry about the self harming and his self esteem.
Start with the GP, if he will go, of not self refer to social services.

Gettinglater · 21/08/2026 00:22

I’m sorry, this sounds very hard OP.

Herecosimbored · 21/08/2026 00:19

Something is very wrong at home to have 2 kids off the rails, fucking up so badly and behaving like that. What was happening at home when they were younger to reach these crisis points? It doesn’t happen overnight.

Molly70 · 21/08/2026 00:18

Don’t despair about the exam results. He’s still young and he can turn his life around. As a PP said, it is probably better to try and tackle his mental health problems first. Can you speak to your doctor and see if there are any resources available such as counseling or getting him to see a child psychiatrist even.

ChickenBananaBanana · 21/08/2026 00:17

oviraptor21 · 21/08/2026 00:14

Such an unhelpful response. Please show some empathy.

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He has obviously needed help and intervention for a while! He's self harming, drinking and smoking, stealing etc