AIBU to wonder how many chances to give him?

first time… maybe a mistake
second time… hmmm
third to twelfth time… nope

dump him as he doesn’t care about you

I would give somebody a second chance but probably not a third these days. You say "he treats me much better than my ex-husband." - All things are relative though it doesn't sound like it treats you well just better than your ex husband. I think over time people letting you down just impact on what you think of them and what you think of yourself for letting them get away with it. You either have to accept this is what he's like and not let it bother you or move on because he won't change .He's got no motivation to change because you keep forgiving him.

I was with someone 13 years and maybe 10 of those years I told myself I couldn’t leave because of all the time I’d already put into the relationship, it’s an awful way to live. I did eventually leave and had 7 years on my own. I’m married now to a wonderful man and he loves the strong independent woman that I am so I guess those 13 years weren’t wasted as such as they taught me a great deal and if I’d left sooner I wouldn’t have been in the right place to meet DH.
All I can say is he won’t change, he hasn’t after 30 times so he won’t after any more. Only you can decide when you’re ready to leave and when enough enough.

Have you thought that he keeps doing it because there's zero consequences to it? If he's done this 30 times and you're still with him then you'll put up with it if he does it 40 times or 50 times

It's down to two choices

you stay with him and put up with it because he's going to keep doing it

or you break up with him

The choice that you keep hoping for that you stay with him and he doesn't do it anymore is never going to happen

If you’ve agreed with him not to go to the casino (or strip club was choice 2) and he went anyway then it’s ok for you to end the relationship for breaking your trust or if that’s a hard no for you.

ultimately it is up to him if he wants to do those things, but up to you to decide if you will tolerate it. You can’t force him not to go, but you can walk away.

Is he using you as someone to fill in gaps until he has the opportunity to prioritise his friends who align with his wants, leaving you bottom of the pile? If that’s the case, my, is he selfish and callous.

Twice.
It doesn't sound as though he's making you happy.

It’s very hard to know without some idea…insisting on Sunday Dinner at his adult daughter’s without you every Sunday is very different to constant fishing/cycling/golf holidays or lending considerable money to a dysfunctional friend or getting blotto every month and peeing in your wardrobe.

However, it’s not how it would make any of us feel it’s how it makes YOU feel. Do you feel cherished and respected in your relationship? Are your boundaries respected. If the answers are no then life is too short and you need to find the strength to acknowledge he doesn’t deserve you.

What exactly do you love about him ? If someone were to ask him what does he love about you...what do you think he would say ??

What ever he is doing has become a habit and he doesn’t care about changing for you. He knows he’ll get away with whatever it is, because he has done 30 times already.

Hard to know how serious the issue is to be honest.
But you’re always within your right to leave a relationship at any time for any (or no) reason. You shouldn’t feel like you have to prove it’s bad enough to break up - or be waiting for proof of another failure. You can say enough is enough now.

I simply wouldnt put up with it.
But Im not you and I dont know what he did so I cant say.
Id rather have nobody than somebody who repeatedly let me down.

Are we talking about an addiction here or a choice ?

I really hope he’s not your best friend.

It sounds like you've given him way too many chances already.

People treat you how you allow them to treat you !!!!!!!!!!!

Take your head out of the sand.....give it a wobble....and move on. You deserve so much more and you know it.

Thing is, you've told him it upsets you, that it isn’t acceptable, that it’s ‘break-up’ worthy. But he still does it (which is disrespectful to you) and you are still allowing it, not putting any boundaries in place, letting him carry on as if nothing has happened. This tells him there will be no consequences so he can carry on letting you down.

So it’s really your choice, isn’t it? Carry on as you are or stand up for yourself and say enough!

Drinking, drugs, gambling or sex/porn related. He’s not going to change, time for you to move on.

He’s done this 30 times in 12 years?

Surely it’s obvious by now that he’s not going to change? Either accept that he’s going to keep on prioritising others over you, or end it.

How many chances? .. I think 30 is more than generous!!

He treats you better than your ex but still treats you like shit. Raise the bar op. He treats you like shit because you love him more than yourself, and you let him off every time. Time to change the narrative.

Well whatever it is he clearly isn’t going to stop doing it. There’s no point in saying “ I have this boundary “ and then complaining when he keeps breaching it without consequences. Either you accept the behaviour and stop discussing it or you leave. You have not control over his behaviour I’m afraid