DS(14) refuses to go on holiday with dad (ex-DH), but dad says he has to, no question - WWYD?

I think you should be honest as to
why he isn’t going. I have no time for people who force random children into their kids lives and expect them to just get up and get along.
He shouldn’t be forced to do 5yo activities- who would want to go on a holiday like that? Be honest and let his father explain how this trip is going to work for everyone

Perhaps if you take a united front with dad and explain what others have said as a compromise, that this year he goes but next year he gets more of a choice

I think you have to support your son. His father doesn't want to listen to him, so you have to be the parent that does.
The dynamics have changed because of the new girlfriend/young child which your exh obviously doesn't want to accept as the reason for your son's decision. It's easier for him to try and blame you!
Let your son stay with you next week and address the issues with your exh when he is back from holiday and there isn't a deadline hanging over you all. At 14, your son is old enough to have his opinion heard and respected.

Being bullied by his dad will backfire.
You need to have ds's back.
I bet ds not going will make him look bad to his gf that's all.

No not a divorced family so not comparable really, Im just talking from the perspective of what age group kids get to make decisions about joining or not joining a family holiday, at 14 I think they probably dont generally get a say unless there are exceptional circumstances

Being 'not keen on going' isnt enough in my view, but then Im quite old fashioned

Your son can write his dad a letter, it just gets sent on whatsapp rather than on paper, or do write a paper letter and leave it on his pillow.

It gives him time to compose what he wants to say

I do agree quite a bit with this . After an extended exotic trip, few people would want to go on a cramped caravan trip rather than relaxing at home and catching up with friends.

Unfortunately it sounds like an entire extra caravan was booked with the intention of your son and a friend (that he couldn’t find to come) to come. Otherwise he could have shared with his own parents and saved a third of the cost.

I would encourage him to go in this situation. He will be sharing with his dad so getting 1-1 time there, and spending time with his grandparents (who presumably aren’t the grandparents of the little girl anyway).

He's 13, he doesn't get a choice really. I imagine my 13 yo would like to opt out of things, but irs not always an option or in best interests.
He went on your holidays, how would you feel if ex used a court order to stop you taking him. He might decide another time he doesn't like your set up abroad

My initial thought was that you should definitely advocate for your son, what was your ex gonna do, physically uplift his son and drag him there?

However, after the explanation about the grandparents it made me swither somewhat.

Remind your son about all the more fab places he's gone with his Dad and if he refuses this holiday, it may very well have an impact on future adventures?

Your son doesn't really have a valid reason (which would change my reply) and just think @Writer034 you'd have the house all to yourself. 😉

I think he should go. Hell be sharing a caravan with his dad, so that's the chance to have one on one with him. Also, if he doesn't want to do an activity, he'll be able to stay there and have some time for himself.

Ultimately, he should do it to spend some time with his grandparents especially if they are getting old. Of course, at 14, he won't fully get why it's important and that one day not too far away they won't be there any longer.

Even if he moans about it, it's likely that he'll look back at this holiday and be grateful he did and had that time with his grandparents.

Is it just me that thinks that’s a weird split of the caravans? Especially if DS doesn’t go then DD and her friend could have one alone and dad+partner+child can have one. I suppose with DS there maybe DD friend wouldn’t want to share with him? But wow that girls caravan sounds intense I would have hated that at 16.

Are there any activities that would tempt DS to go? Often there are outdoor adventure type places near campsites and tourist areas, for example. Just having some days doing things that makes sense for him instead of the 5yo could swing it. Worth having a quick look online maybe

No court in the land would force this because its unforcable. What is dad going to suggest, that the child is physically restrained to get him on the plane? In the car?

I wouldnt tolerate however my 14 year old refusing to come along on holiday with me. Its a family holiday. Complicated slightly by dads new partner yes.

Is dad planning any other trip with just him and his son/daughter?

Its probably what your son needs, 1-1 time with his dad.

Can you explain that he needs to speak to his dad about it but you’ll back him up and are happy for him to stay at home?
Maybe his dad can reassure there will be teen friendly stuff.

Before reading your update I thought that dad was being a bit unreasonable to try and force DS to go with him. He might still be.
But if the caravan set up is specifically to help them spend more one on one time together, and without your DS his dad would be in a caravan on his own, I can see his point. You’ve taken him away for most of the holidays so it’s not his dad’s fault he hasn’t seen friends.
I think you should have both discussed this more before booking. Kids do need downtime in the holidays to socialise and do nothing.

With my ex we discuss what we’re both planning so the DC’s are our main focus. Last year they went on a big 3 week holiday with him so I just did days out and some UK trips with them plus a solo holiday for me. This year it was my turn so dad has stayed in the uk for short trips.
I know some ex’s are difficult but it sounds like he’s trying to spend time with his son. I would be supporting him by reminding your DS of this to encourage him. But ultimately you can’t make him go. I do think he needs to talk to his dad.

I think this is a difficult one.

I agree your son should speak to his Dad himself but I do also think that sometimes 13 year olds may have to do what they don't necessarily want to. If you and your ex-DH were still together, would this be a decision you would be happy for him to make? (to not go on a family holiday?). Is his Dad kind and good to him? It is obviously different if he is abusive. Can you listen to his concerns and validate his feelings without getting in the way of his relationship with his Dad?

Is he with dad now? That makes it harder but he just needs to tell him how he feels.

Dad would then hopefully make sure they have some father son time without everyone else sounds unlikely though.

Can he write a letter.?
This would take the confrontation out if it.
Say the dynamic has changed.
Father has changed
No one to one time.
Surely making this an obligation is going to damage any further relationship.
—& if this is not negotiable he can & will let a judge decide—

Is your ds going to be stuck entertaining the five year old, which very few 13 year olds would be interested in doing.
Whats the plans during the holiday, do they cater for the different age groups.