DS(14) refuses to go on holiday with dad (ex-DH), but dad says he has to, no question - WWYD?

What do you mean by forced though?

How would you force it if the child just sat on the sofa and refused to move?

Thats what people mean by forced. A 5 year old, you pick them up and plonk them in the car. You can do that for a few more years too

AT 14, how do you think you can force it?

Hmm. So when Dad has been taking him to exciting places like Miami and Florida he has been more than happy to go I assume. Now when, for understandable reasons, it's a caravan in Cornwall he's getting arsey about going. Doesn't sound good from your DS TBH.

I know they are at Dad's now, but if this comes back in to your court I think you should try to play up the positives to encourage your DS to go

your Son wants to see his mates, that's the crux of the matter. he has been away nearly 3 weeks of the 4 weeks up to now and no 14 year old would now want to go in a caravan for another week when they can hang out with their mates.

If he is at his dad's now, is dad not listening at all to him?
What does your DD/his sister have to say about the situation? Is she able to tell you exactly what is going on?

At 14 I believe he should be able to speak up for himself and you shouldn't need to intervene.
Would the grandparents listen if son spoke to them about it?

Can you sit ex H and your DS down together and get DS to explain what the issue is?

I wouldn’t make him go on this holiday.

I think it is a family holiday. Yes Ex-DH new partner will also be there but surely will be diluted by GPs, DSis & her friend. How long is the trip?

Can your son make his own way to your house so you don’t have to collect him?

also I never understand MAKING a child who is old enough to have independent thoughts and fend for themselves go ina holiday which is supposed to be a fun experience not some thing to be endured

your ex husband is still going to enjoy it even if he does miss his son a bit !

plus it may encourage your daughter to stick up for herself in the future too!

It's just awful how people force their new dp and their kids on their own dc. Just keep separate properties, allow relationships with the new bf or gf to develop with various kids before forcing combined homes and holidays on them.

In those circumstances I don't think he should be made to go.

Text the ex op. Go get your ds.

My DD refused to go on hols with her dad (my ex) when she was 17. Although it wasn't booked at the time. I told her fine - but she needed to tell him. We do not have a good co-parenting relationship and it would be another thing he'd blame me for if I got involved.
She was 3yrs older, but I wouldn't force a 14yr old to go on a holiday he didn't want to go on. I'm not really sure how you'd force him? Manhandle him into the car?
In your situation, I would back your DS up. If your ex tries to blame you, just ignore it, or reiterate that it's DS's choice, as many times as needed.

Just as a counterpoint, I was allowed to decide at 14 if I went on a family holiday. I wouldn’t have been allowed to stay home completely alone, I think, but I did stay once with a friend instead and once at home with my older sister at 13-14. And both times there wasn’t any particular reason I didn’t want to join the family holiday, just wasn’t feeling it and preferred to stay home and hang out with friends. If just one parent was going I would definitely have been allowed to say, even last minute, that I didn’t want to go any more and would stay home. Only way I can imagine that being an issue is if the holiday had been planned especially around something I had asked for and / or it was very expensive.

At 12 and 14 my ds's dumped their df for a few years. Of his own doing. I supported their choice..
They got back in contact in time and in their terms.
More than the fucker deserved imo.

I would ask your ex how he plans to ensure your son goes with him when he doesn’t want to? I am a worrier so i would be very concerned he might run away if put under extreme pressure.

You tell your HX that DS is not going and if he's not happy he should get his lawyers involved. Please stand up for your DS.

Since your ex loses nothing financially if he doesn’t go because it’s literally just a caravan holiday in the UK, your DS shouldn’t be forced to go against his wishes. It isn’t fair on him. This exact same thing happened to me when I was 13. My mum dragged me to Butlins with her best friend and her DC. She said it would be fine because her DD and I always got along, but her DD brought a friend along so I was a third wheel! It was awkward as hell and I hated it.

Don’t make your DS go, he’s old enough to be allowed an opinion. I’d feel differently if this was an expensive trip abroad with flights and accommodation paid for him but it’s not. Your DD has a friend so she’ll get some enjoyment from this, your poor DS will be miserable.

I'm afraid I would tell ex-h that I have no intention of picking the boy up and physically putting him in the car, if he wants to do that, it's up to him.

DC are both old enough to make their own decisions about holidays and it's understandable if they feel they have been away enough, even apart from the difficulty with his dad's new lifestyle.
However, it may be correct that you have inadvertently used up all DS's holiday 'tolerance'. Perhaps you could suggest to your Ex that next time, he tries to make a plan to go away with DS before other trips are arranged.

Does his Dad realise that at any point he could refuse to live with him any more? And that this holiday is pushing him closer to that point?

How long has he been with his partner for ? You’ve said they’ve been together a short amount of time

I would back your son up here tbh. He’s asking for your help because he’s increasingly unhappy with his father, and he really, really doesn’t want to go. He’s asking because he trusts you, and I wouldn’t be inclined to teach him that you won’t back him up when he needs you to.

I don’t think this is one of those situations where he’s just going to roll his eyes and suck it up. I think some form of blow up is likely inevitable, and it’s better to have it to on home turf than miles away from home in a caravan.

I know it is staggering that he is telling the ds he has to go. Authoritarian ex or not, the op needs to put her ds first and just say no.