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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to consider legal action after admitted hospital negligence?

138 replies

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 20/08/2026 13:55

I don't want to go into too much detail, to avoid "outing" myself, (name changed) but a close family member passed away recently, in hospital. We know there was serious negligence. The hospital have admitted this, and I have been advised in a document from the NHS to contact a lawyer. My problem is that other family members are adamant that they do not want to know what happened or pursue any action, so I can't speak to them about it. While "money" is always "useful", I don't WANT it, I just don't want anyone else to go through what my family have. I have been advised that sueing is the most effective way of forcing changes. So, should I sue (NBU), and if I do, what should I do with any financial payout?
For poll purposes
Sue ... YANBU
Don't sue ... YABU

OP posts:
PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 20/08/2026 14:54

If you go against the majority will of the family, are you prepared to deal with the fallout of that?

purplecorkheart · 20/08/2026 14:53

I think if the next of kin does not want to sue then you do not have a moral right to do so. If you are say one of a number of the siblings then I think you should do what the majority of people want to do.

P00hsticks · 20/08/2026 14:52

I've not voted one way or the other.
I'd say whether you sue or not would very much depend on the family dynamics and the risk of potentially causing a family fallout, which only the OP can really judge.

If the OP does choose to sue then it could result in a court case which would discuss all the medical details along with all the attendant publicity that may bring. If other members of the family don't want that then that may bring about a rift that would be difficult to heal....

Original poster
BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 20/08/2026 14:51

Crumbylentil · 20/08/2026 14:44

I think you need to reread my post

I am saying that if the letter is addressed to the OP, then she should do whatever she thinks is right

The letter wouldn’t be addressed to just one child

Edited
Show quote history

Who the letter is addressed to, is irrelevant. There are people who can instigate a claim, and people who cannot. All you need to know, is that i could do so, if I chose to.

OP posts:
Nocameltoeleggingsplease · 20/08/2026 14:50

I would say yes, go ahead as long as there is no huge cost to you (a) financially or (b) in terms of your mental health. If you are going to do it to benefit others then you should not be negatively impacted.
I would be clear from the outset that any financial compensation would go to charity. I would not contact a lawyer as you are not doing it for the money and you said the letter said to get legal support because otherwise the claim would be capped. But the process would still go ahead, lessons would be learnt and you could donate the money to either a charity that is linked to what the claim is about (so for example if your relative died due to issues with their heart donate to the BHF) or donate to a charity you know they supported.

I would also be mindful of my own mental health throughout the process; you will still be grieving for example, and be willing to withdraw if the impact on me was too much.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Ginflinger · 20/08/2026 14:48

Sue if it's the best way to make relevant changes to the NHS.

Donate the money to a relevant health charity.

Crumbylentil · 20/08/2026 14:46

AirborneElephant · 20/08/2026 14:45

I did read it. You said it was up to the person the letter is addressed to. I don’t agree.

Show quote history

Fair enough

Original poster
BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 20/08/2026 14:46

AirborneElephant · 20/08/2026 14:43

I really don’t agree with this. If for example the OP is a child of the person who died, and the letter was written to a different child or even to the surviving spouse there is no reason why she should not take her own decision on whether to claim. OP already said she is in a position to be able to claim, which means she would have to be a close relation or be a dependent of the deceased. The fact that other family members may make a different decision does not mean she shouldn’t take action if she wants to.

OP, I would say the process is likely to be emotionally draining, take a lot of time and possibly financially difficult (at least temporarily). But I definitely agree that taking legal action is by far the best way to force the hospital to make real changes. So if it will give you some comfort and closure then go for it. But try not to lose years of your life pursuing it, I doubt your loved one would have wanted that.

Show quote history

Thank you. I really appreciate your comment.

OP posts:
AirborneElephant · 20/08/2026 14:45

Crumbylentil · 20/08/2026 14:44

I think you need to reread my post

I am saying that if the letter is addressed to the OP, then she should do whatever she thinks is right

The letter wouldn’t be addressed to just one child

Edited
Show quote history

I did read it. You said it was up to the person the letter is addressed to. I don’t agree.

Original poster
BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 20/08/2026 14:45

Crumbylentil · 20/08/2026 14:34

But it is! You were saying family don’t want to do this.

To whomever the letter is addressed to - it is squarely their decision . So if that’s you, then you explain to family that as the closest relative, you feel that you have a responsibility to process this. Not only because you lost a relative because of this negligence but also to hopefully stop it happening again .

and if the letter was not addressed to you, then you support the decision of to whomever it was addressed to

So now do you understand the relevance of the question

Although your lack of a response to this simple relevant question is, I suppose, an answer in itself. In which case, support the person to whom it was addressed to

Show quote history

I have explained that I have the legal "right" to sue. I am simply asking whether it is morally right to do so.

OP posts:
Crumbylentil · 20/08/2026 14:44

AirborneElephant · 20/08/2026 14:43

I really don’t agree with this. If for example the OP is a child of the person who died, and the letter was written to a different child or even to the surviving spouse there is no reason why she should not take her own decision on whether to claim. OP already said she is in a position to be able to claim, which means she would have to be a close relation or be a dependent of the deceased. The fact that other family members may make a different decision does not mean she shouldn’t take action if she wants to.

OP, I would say the process is likely to be emotionally draining, take a lot of time and possibly financially difficult (at least temporarily). But I definitely agree that taking legal action is by far the best way to force the hospital to make real changes. So if it will give you some comfort and closure then go for it. But try not to lose years of your life pursuing it, I doubt your loved one would have wanted that.

Show quote history

I think you need to reread my post

I am saying that if the letter is addressed to the OP, then she should do whatever she thinks is right

The letter wouldn’t be addressed to just one child

Original poster
BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 20/08/2026 14:43

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 20/08/2026 14:26

Any money should be distributed in accordance with the deceased's will.

Show quote history

Thank you

OP posts:
AirborneElephant · 20/08/2026 14:43

Crumbylentil · 20/08/2026 14:34

But it is! You were saying family don’t want to do this.

To whomever the letter is addressed to - it is squarely their decision . So if that’s you, then you explain to family that as the closest relative, you feel that you have a responsibility to process this. Not only because you lost a relative because of this negligence but also to hopefully stop it happening again .

and if the letter was not addressed to you, then you support the decision of to whomever it was addressed to

So now do you understand the relevance of the question

Although your lack of a response to this simple relevant question is, I suppose, an answer in itself. In which case, support the person to whom it was addressed to

Show quote history

I really don’t agree with this. If for example the OP is a child of the person who died, and the letter was written to a different child or even to the surviving spouse there is no reason why she should not take her own decision on whether to claim. OP already said she is in a position to be able to claim, which means she would have to be a close relation or be a dependent of the deceased. The fact that other family members may make a different decision does not mean she shouldn’t take action if she wants to.

OP, I would say the process is likely to be emotionally draining, take a lot of time and possibly financially difficult (at least temporarily). But I definitely agree that taking legal action is by far the best way to force the hospital to make real changes. So if it will give you some comfort and closure then go for it. But try not to lose years of your life pursuing it, I doubt your loved one would have wanted that.

DottyDot3377 · 20/08/2026 14:38

I would but please be aware it is a rather stressful process. A close family member went through this and one of my children has suffered an injury due to mistakes made during the labour and delivery process. Trying to decide what to do is always horrendous.

Crumbylentil · 20/08/2026 14:34

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 20/08/2026 14:32

It really isn't, but thank you for your input

Show quote history

But it is! You were saying family don’t want to do this.

To whomever the letter is addressed to - it is squarely their decision . So if that’s you, then you explain to family that as the closest relative, you feel that you have a responsibility to process this. Not only because you lost a relative because of this negligence but also to hopefully stop it happening again .

and if the letter was not addressed to you, then you support the decision of to whomever it was addressed to

So now do you understand the relevance of the question

Although your lack of a response to this simple relevant question is, I suppose, an answer in itself. In which case, support the person to whom it was addressed to

BillieWiper · 20/08/2026 14:32

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 20/08/2026 14:26

Any money should be distributed in accordance with the deceased's will.

Show quote history

Yeah that would make sense actually.

Original poster
BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 20/08/2026 14:32

Crumbylentil · 20/08/2026 14:25

Whether or not the letter is addressed to you is basically the most relevant question

Show quote history

It really isn't, but thank you for your input

OP posts:
Original poster
BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 20/08/2026 14:31

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 20/08/2026 14:28

This is a very stressful process. Even if they have admitted liability. Ive been through it and it was a lot of effort.

I hope you're OK.

OP posts:
ByQuaintAzureWasp · 20/08/2026 14:28

This is a very stressful process. Even if they have admitted liability. Ive been through it and it was a lot of effort.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 20/08/2026 14:26

BillieWiper · 20/08/2026 14:22

I'd take their advice and contact a solicitor. If you do get a payout you should share it with the others in your family who are also bereaved. And maybe give some to a charity relating to the illness or health issue your loved one who died suffered from?

Any money should be distributed in accordance with the deceased's will.

Crumbylentil · 20/08/2026 14:25

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 20/08/2026 14:23

Sorry, but I'm not giving any further details. They are irrelevant to the question I asked.

Whether or not the letter is addressed to you is basically the most relevant question

Original poster
BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 20/08/2026 14:23

Sorry, but I'm not giving any further details. They are irrelevant to the question I asked.

OP posts:
Crumbylentil · 20/08/2026 14:23

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 20/08/2026 14:22

All I can say, is that yes, I could do so, if I chose to.

Show quote history

Was the letter addressed to you?

Original poster
BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 20/08/2026 14:22

Trumptontown · 20/08/2026 14:18

What’s your relationship with the person who died, as this will affect whether you can even do this.

Show quote history

All I can say, is that yes, I could do so, if I chose to.

OP posts:
BillieWiper · 20/08/2026 14:22

I'd take their advice and contact a solicitor. If you do get a payout you should share it with the others in your family who are also bereaved. And maybe give some to a charity relating to the illness or health issue your loved one who died suffered from?