Page 3 | To tell my MIL if she wants a son to name she can go have one and not be engrossed on what I choose to name my son.

TwinklyPoster · 2026-08-20T11:35:44+00:00

Hi all, this is more of a rant than anything because I’m honestly just frustrated. I gave birth to my son at the beginning of August, and my husband and I have chosen his name together. We’ve named him after my father with his middle name being my grandfather’s name. We’ve also given him a double-barrelled surname/name incorporating both mine and his dad’s names. My family are absolutely thrilled. My dad in particular is over the moon and feels incredibly honoured that his grandson has been named after him. I am born in 89, my name was old even then and I’ve grown into it I love it, I always get compliments on it or just people curious about it. DH has somewhat of an old name too. I was never going to name my child whether boy or girl something old fashion. If we had a daughter she would have been name Agatha. The name itself is quite old-fashioned. Think along the lines of Hugo/Herbert, although it isn’t either of those. Personally I love it and think it’s the sort of name that will grow with him. It might sound very “old man” on a newborn, but I can picture it perfectly on him as a little boy, teenager and adult. The thing is, my husband and I discussed the names at length and he has always been completely on board. We also deliberately decided not to tell anyone the name or even the sex before the birth. This is our first baby and we wanted to keep it completely to ourselves and just enjoy finding out when he arrived. DH’s parents, however, are furious about the name. His mother mainly. Apparently it’s “unfair” that we’ve used family names from my side and that they weren’t consulted. MIL came round last night to check on us and, inevitably, the subject came up again. I’ll admit I was probably snappier than I should have been, but after hearing yet again how unfair it all was, I told her:* “*he is my son I name him not you if you want a child to name to have on yourself” She was obviously offended and the atmosphere went very awkward. My husband did his best to calm things down. Now I’m wondering whether I was completely out of order in how I said it. I absolutely stand by the fact that DH and I are the only people who get to decide our son’s name. But perhaps I could have handled MIL’s feelings better, especially as I’m freshly postpartum and emotions are obviously running high.

Original poster

TwinklyPoster · 21/08/2026 09:52

WhatHoJeeves · 21/08/2026 09:27

You clearly despise your MIL. You speak about her in the cruellest way and seen to hate everything about her.

She may indeed be difficult and intrusive but you say you never wanted a relationship with her, which is bound to make her feel ostracized and rejected. You repeatedly say she isn't wanted or needed and you even say your husband wouldn't care if she died. What a sad situation at what should be a happy time for everyone.

But why do I have to have a relationship with her. Surely it’s my choice whether I want to accept someone who is so cruel to her own children and has started being cruel to our son who isn’t even a month old.

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Original poster

TwinklyPoster · 21/08/2026 09:49

Whatado · 21/08/2026 09:29

It’s interesting your views of her and your DH relationship with her.

Children who are abused as you state in childhood rarely grow up to have healthy adult relationships without a shed load of therapy. In fact they usually end up in relationships that mirror a lot of their childhood. With life partners who have traits similar to their parents.

Also interesting that the blame for his childhood is laid at his mother’s door who did nothing with her life but rely on a man. In a generation when actually that was the way many women of her generation did. If boarding school was so abusive shame his father didn’t save them from being dumped by their mother.

He’s in therapy luckily they were all sent to boarding school. He just feels sorry for her as his siblings have all cut out out, low contact but still we can see it does affect her but all she had to do was repeat people’s choices.

She relied on a man yet my mother is only 3 years younger than her and has a career, attending university has skills. Let’s not make excuses for people especially because she grew up fairly wealthy.

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Whatado · 21/08/2026 09:29

It’s interesting your views of her and your DH relationship with her.

Children who are abused as you state in childhood rarely grow up to have healthy adult relationships without a shed load of therapy. In fact they usually end up in relationships that mirror a lot of their childhood. With life partners who have traits similar to their parents.

Also interesting that the blame for his childhood is laid at his mother’s door who did nothing with her life but rely on a man. In a generation when actually that was the way many women of her generation did. If boarding school was so abusive shame his father didn’t save them from being dumped by their mother.

WhatHoJeeves · 21/08/2026 09:27

You clearly despise your MIL. You speak about her in the cruellest way and seen to hate everything about her.

She may indeed be difficult and intrusive but you say you never wanted a relationship with her, which is bound to make her feel ostracized and rejected. You repeatedly say she isn't wanted or needed and you even say your husband wouldn't care if she died. What a sad situation at what should be a happy time for everyone.

Femalemachinest · 21/08/2026 09:16

TwinklyPoster · 20/08/2026 14:02

Yes she is she chose to find out the gender. He already has a name, his first name is our grandfathers name. Her MIL doesn’t care all she wants is a healthy baby. She too is using a double barrel name her maiden name and her husbands surname.

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I thought you said brothers wife. This reads like its your sister that is pregnant.

Original poster

TwinklyPoster · 21/08/2026 09:13

Sunnibee · 21/08/2026 09:06

It's. Not. All. About. You.

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But this is my life so things that concern me are certainly all about me not a bitter old woman that can’t just make amends she could be very happy if she respected her children’s boundaries. No child goes out of their way to avoid contact with their own mum for no reason but I do not know I speak to my mum everyday and we’ve always been close because she’s always respected me as an individual who is capable of making decisions.

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Sunnibee · 21/08/2026 09:06

TwinklyPoster · 21/08/2026 08:36

Why is everyone here thinking you have to be friends with MiL I’m not missing out on anything trust me. I don’t have to be friends with anyone I can be respectful which I have tried to be big she keeps disrespecting my boundaries. DH has a step mum too who I get in very well with.

It's. Not. All. About. You.

DraigCymraeg · 21/08/2026 09:00

TwinklyPoster · 21/08/2026 08:35

Our son has 5 grandparents DHs family is very much involved just his mother who doesn’t seem to understand that no means no, we have boundaries and a child cannot consent to being on any form of social media. All we’d like is to get to respect our choices as parents. DHs dad and step mum somehow can grasp that idea, my mum and dad can too. It’s just DHs mum that refuses and thinks she has a say.

Her feelings do not matter to us she is manipulated and uses tears as a weapon. Once you get to 76 and you’re still fake crying then there’s something wrong. She got upset with her son for pointing out that she’s “crying” but tears aren’t coming out. Normal well adjusted people do not do such things. Not saying she cannot be upset about our decisions but also they’re our decisions she needs to learn to respect them. She had not learnt anything from her 7 other grandchildren whose parents see her as just manipulated and avoid her as much as possible. No parent goes out of their way to stop a child from interacting with their grandparent. She’s been warned on so many things given chances she refuses and with me she will not be doing any of that. My son deserves to be cared for and respected not used a pawn to get back at her children who have set clear boundaries.

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My ex, late MIL once faked a heart attack so you have my sympathy.

SixtySomething · 21/08/2026 08:50

TwinklyPoster · 20/08/2026 23:41

Bigger than my husband is the only one that is somewhat still in contact with her. Bitter then even her own family and the children she supposedly raised would rather suffer then ever ask her for anything. She’s the one that has ruined her relationships. I didn’t go into this marriage wanting to be friends with her at all. I went into this marriage because I love my husband and I love each other. He’s aware I don’t really want much contact with his crazy mother. She’s 76 my mother is only couple years younger than her and they’re vastly different. I think it’s because my mother actually had a career. Then again my all my siblings and I actually love our mother because she shows us actual love by respecting our boundaries and understanding that no means no we aren’t babies we are grown adults who can make our own decisions.

She isn’t coming over to help she’s coming over because she thinks she’ll have some sort of relationship with my son. He has 4 grandparents we aren’t desperate for a judgemental 5th. I’ve told her to go volunteer etc she should have used her younger years to gain some skills have a career etc. I don’t feel sorry for her at all I used to. She finally met her match now she tries to pretend she wants a relationship I do not. My life will be the same if she disappeared. DH has spoken to her because he is sick of the judgement. Imagine judging a father for taking 3 months off work to spend with his wife and newborn baby she’s just bitter. Crying because we’ve told her multiple times not to post our son on Facebook. Get a grip a child cannot consent she seems to not understand the concept of consent. As she has been told if she wants to have a say she can go have her own son since the ones she has will never care about what she has to say she won’t be doing that with our son her opinion will never matter.

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'She finally met her match now she tries to pretend she wants a relationship I do not.'

Exactly, just what I said!

chillibuns · 21/08/2026 08:43

If she mentions it again, ask her if it was her mother in law who chose her son’s name. Doubtful.

dizzydizzydizzy · 21/08/2026 08:40

Go easy on yourself, OP. It sounds like your MIL has been repeatedly needling you about it. It’s none of her business and she knows that.

Original poster

TwinklyPoster · 21/08/2026 08:38

TheFairyCaravan · 21/08/2026 08:35

The more this goes on, the more deeply unpleasant you sound @TwinklyPoster

I’d love to hear the MIL’s side in all of this because I’m not convinced she’s the problem here, tbh.

There’s 3 sides to every story my side is of course going to be biased but I’m guessing all her children are the problem too then since my husband her youngest son is the last one who is able to tolerate her. She had 7 other grandchildren some of her children don’t even pick up the phone when she calls to start disrespecting or pretending she cares about then then goes back into her old ways.

Then yes all her children are the problem and she isn’t since they all try very hard to avoid her. Luckily I am not her child therefore her opinion will never matter it’s a shape she can’t grasp that.

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Original poster

TwinklyPoster · 21/08/2026 08:36

Why is everyone here thinking you have to be friends with MiL I’m not missing out on anything trust me. I don’t have to be friends with anyone I can be respectful which I have tried to be big she keeps disrespecting my boundaries. DH has a step mum too who I get in very well with.

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TheFairyCaravan · 21/08/2026 08:35

The more this goes on, the more deeply unpleasant you sound @TwinklyPoster

I’d love to hear the MIL’s side in all of this because I’m not convinced she’s the problem here, tbh.

Original poster

TwinklyPoster · 21/08/2026 08:35

amyds2104 · 21/08/2026 08:25

Have to say I find it really awkward reading how one sided your baby name is at honoring your family. Do you consider your family a risk of “contaminating” your son? Or is that just paternal family? I’m guessing you don’t like mil or paternal family which I’m sure is valid but your poor son is being raised with two parents and two family connections and you have snubbed one side. This must be hurtful for mil. However is for your DH to deal with not you as he also agreed baby’s names.

I think your approach with MIL was evidencing that you don’t really like or have time for her. Blaming your post pregnancy hormones is plausible however let’s be honest your post screams disdain for your MIL so you were just letting out your true feelings. Bugger anyone else’s feelings…

Our son has 5 grandparents DHs family is very much involved just his mother who doesn’t seem to understand that no means no, we have boundaries and a child cannot consent to being on any form of social media. All we’d like is to get to respect our choices as parents. DHs dad and step mum somehow can grasp that idea, my mum and dad can too. It’s just DHs mum that refuses and thinks she has a say.

Her feelings do not matter to us she is manipulated and uses tears as a weapon. Once you get to 76 and you’re still fake crying then there’s something wrong. She got upset with her son for pointing out that she’s “crying” but tears aren’t coming out. Normal well adjusted people do not do such things. Not saying she cannot be upset about our decisions but also they’re our decisions she needs to learn to respect them. She had not learnt anything from her 7 other grandchildren whose parents see her as just manipulated and avoid her as much as possible. No parent goes out of their way to stop a child from interacting with their grandparent. She’s been warned on so many things given chances she refuses and with me she will not be doing any of that. My son deserves to be cared for and respected not used a pawn to get back at her children who have set clear boundaries.

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amyds2104 · 21/08/2026 08:25

Have to say I find it really awkward reading how one sided your baby name is at honoring your family. Do you consider your family a risk of “contaminating” your son? Or is that just paternal family? I’m guessing you don’t like mil or paternal family which I’m sure is valid but your poor son is being raised with two parents and two family connections and you have snubbed one side. This must be hurtful for mil. However is for your DH to deal with not you as he also agreed baby’s names.

I think your approach with MIL was evidencing that you don’t really like or have time for her. Blaming your post pregnancy hormones is plausible however let’s be honest your post screams disdain for your MIL so you were just letting out your true feelings. Bugger anyone else’s feelings…

Original poster

TwinklyPoster · 21/08/2026 08:20

BreatheAndFocus · 21/08/2026 07:40

She finally met her match now she tries to pretend she wants a relationship I do not. My life will be the same if she disappeared

I was all ready to be on your side until I read all your comments. No matter who’s right, you sound very unpleasant. She’s met her match? Think about that. I reckon you’re more alike than you think.

You reap what you sow. What if your future DIL treats you like this? Says you’re boring; she doesn’t want to be your friend; she thinks you’re a waste of space?

Yes, it’s your baby so you choose the names, but there’s no need to be so sneeringly unpleasant and ageist.

You do not need to be friends with your MiL at the very least cordial and respectful I don’t owe her a friend or better yet anything. Same way If my son meet someone his partner will not be required to be friends with me. I wish always respect his choices. I hope to live a life where I have things going on and won’t need to obsess over DiL or SIL.

You do not need to be friends with people you do not want to be friends with. Once again consent and choice. She’s been rude to me from day one trying to tell me what to. If my own mother doesn’t tell me what to do why is some random woman that just so happens to have given birth to my husband telling me what to do. That’s the only thing we have in common and that’s okay we don’t need to have things in common or even be friends.

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Original poster

TwinklyPoster · 21/08/2026 08:16

ProudMaker · 21/08/2026 07:45

I presume that it will be your side of the family?

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Not necessarily. There’s no written rule for what we name our children

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Original poster

TwinklyPoster · 21/08/2026 08:15

Sunnibee · 21/08/2026 02:08

The misogyny and contempt is really alarming

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Misogyny to wish that she had acquired skills and not relied on a man. I actually feel sorry for her and it’s been a motivator for me so to be honest she has made a difference in my life. Showed me exactly who I do want to be at that age. Let people make their own choices about this own lives.

Now in her 70s she has nothing better to do than bother us and get in the way constantly pretending she wants to help knowing I gave birth not even a month ago.

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TeaCupTinsel · 21/08/2026 07:46

At this point OP your DH really clearly needs to tell her that she isn't welcome and stop letting her in at the door.
If she isn't respecting either of you, he needs to be the one to do it as it's his parent. You've said he feels the same as you.

ProudMaker · 21/08/2026 07:45

TwinklyPoster · 20/08/2026 18:21

No there’s no rule ? He will have a middle name that is affiliated with the family.

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I presume that it will be your side of the family?

BreatheAndFocus · 21/08/2026 07:40

She finally met her match now she tries to pretend she wants a relationship I do not. My life will be the same if she disappeared

I was all ready to be on your side until I read all your comments. No matter who’s right, you sound very unpleasant. She’s met her match? Think about that. I reckon you’re more alike than you think.

You reap what you sow. What if your future DIL treats you like this? Says you’re boring; she doesn’t want to be your friend; she thinks you’re a waste of space?

Yes, it’s your baby so you choose the names, but there’s no need to be so sneeringly unpleasant and ageist.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 21/08/2026 07:39

Of course you were not out of order. She needs to learn to wind her neck in. Please also nane your next child after your side of the family if you choose to have one. Don't reward bad behaviour.

ProudMaker · 21/08/2026 07:36

TwinklyPoster · 20/08/2026 16:46

Good thing she’s got 7 other grandchildren. One who was born this year and she wasn’t at their house everyday getting in the way. She’s not really needed and I wish she’d see that and love baby from far away. She overwhelms me and hurts me often DH tries she doesn’t want to even respect his boundaries she doesn’t respect him or me.

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Your answer has nothing to do with my post, it is once again another rant about how much you dislike your MIL

thepariscrimefiles · 21/08/2026 07:28

TwinklyPoster · 20/08/2026 14:50

Why would I be sad for my husband ?

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Apparently, although you know that your husband is perfectly happy with the names that you have both chosen for your baby, this poster obviously knows better that, in reality, he is absolutely distraught that you haven't chosen names to 'honour' his side of the family.

Your MIL sounds utterly dreadful and she is lucky that you have any sort of relationship with her. Ignoring all her other grandchildren but obsessing over your baby because your DH is the 'golden child' is not the behaviour of a normal, loving grandparent.