Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell my MIL if she wants a son to name she can go have one and not be engrossed on what I choose to name my son.

483 replies

TwinklyPoster · 20/08/2026 12:35

Hi all, this is more of a rant than anything because I’m honestly just frustrated.
I gave birth to my son at the beginning of August, and my husband and I have chosen his name together.

We’ve named him after my father with his middle name being my grandfather’s name. We’ve also given him a double-barrelled surname/name incorporating both mine and his dad’s names.

My family are absolutely thrilled. My dad in particular is over the moon and feels incredibly honoured that his grandson has been named after him.

I am born in 89, my name was old even then and I’ve grown into it I love it, I always get compliments on it or just people curious about it. DH has somewhat of an old name too. I was never going to name my child whether boy or girl something old fashion. If we had a daughter she would have been name Agatha.

The name itself is quite old-fashioned. Think along the lines of Hugo/Herbert, although it isn’t either of those. Personally I love it and think it’s the sort of name that will grow with him. It might sound very “old man” on a newborn, but I can picture it perfectly on him as a little boy, teenager and adult.

The thing is, my husband and I discussed the names at length and he has always been completely on board. We also deliberately decided not to tell anyone the name or even the sex before the birth. This is our first baby and we wanted to keep it completely to ourselves and just enjoy finding out when he arrived.

DH’s parents, however, are furious about the name. His mother mainly.

Apparently it’s “unfair” that we’ve used family names from my side and that they weren’t consulted.

MIL came round last night to check on us and, inevitably, the subject came up again.
I’ll admit I was probably snappier than I should have been, but after hearing yet again how unfair it all was, I told her: “he is my son I name him not you if you want a child to name to have on yourself” She was obviously offended and the atmosphere went very awkward. My husband did his best to calm things down.

Now I’m wondering whether I was completely out of order in how I said it.
I absolutely stand by the fact that DH and I are the only people who get to decide our son’s name. But perhaps I could have handled MIL’s feelings better, especially as I’m freshly postpartum and emotions are obviously running high.

OP posts:
PantsinRiceKrispies · 21/08/2026 12:08

@Auroraloves

OP has clarified that she does prefer old-fashioned names.

Whether you think it is ugly or not is entirely irrelevant.

PantsinRiceKrispies · 21/08/2026 12:06

@TwinklyPoster

Do your husband and his siblings have "family" names? If so, are they balanced between your MILs and FILs famliies?

Does your MILs name reflect equal sides of her family?

Auroraloves · 21/08/2026 11:50

AlwaysExtraHot · 21/08/2026 11:35

So?
You may find it 'ugly' but other people may not. The OP and her husband clearly don't. It's nothing to do with you.

Yes quite. I just disagree that it’s not old fashioned , and after that it’s nothing to do with me but I’m entitled to my opinion and I’m sure many others would think the same

AlwaysExtraHot · 21/08/2026 11:36

Itsbeenalongtimeincoming · 20/08/2026 17:16

Yea I can read just fine. Both the babies first names were from her side of the family.

Both the babies first names were from her side of the family.
Yes, but you also said, 'Only one side of the family was included', which is clear isn't actually the case if you read and understand the whole post, is it.

AlwaysExtraHot · 21/08/2026 11:35

Auroraloves · 21/08/2026 11:21

Yes for sure. But Agatha is an old name

So?
You may find it 'ugly' but other people may not. The OP and her husband clearly don't. It's nothing to do with you.

Auroraloves · 21/08/2026 11:21

Netcurtainnelly · 21/08/2026 10:57

Would be Aggie I assume.
Again up to the couple or individual.

Yes for sure. But Agatha is an old name

Netcurtainnelly · 21/08/2026 10:57

Auroraloves · 21/08/2026 10:12

Your MiL is batshit.

It’s your choice and both you and your husband are happy with this, nothing to do with her

however I would say Agatha is a very old fashioned and ugly name

Would be Aggie I assume.
Again up to the couple or individual.

Auroraloves · 21/08/2026 10:50

TwinklyPoster · 21/08/2026 10:26

Good thing you don’t have to name your child Agatha. If we had a girl it would be between Agatha (after DHs great grandmother) , Tabitha, Allegra or Flossie and many other “ugly” names.

Allegria and Flossie are pretty

DontBuyAnotherBook · 21/08/2026 10:49

Netcurtainnelly · 21/08/2026 10:31

Names don't have to be from anyone's side. Name your child what you want.
Mil had her chance when she had a baby.

I agree but obviously favouring one side isn't the best thing to do. It would have been better to choose new names as you say.

DontBuyAnotherBook · 21/08/2026 10:48

Netcurtainnelly · 21/08/2026 10:30

You would think she'd be delighted to have a grandson whatever his name. What is wrong with some people? Why do they look for trouble?
Life's easier when your nice.

If her posts are anything to go by I wouldn't presume OP is nice either. Bit hard to be nice to someone like OP.

TwinklyPoster · 21/08/2026 10:41

Cheese55 · 21/08/2026 10:35

Can you not pick you own names. What's the point of naming new children after adults.

The point is that we like those names. Baby might not like his name I can’t talk the future we will have to see and if that’s the case he can change it but his grandfather is great so I think he’ll love having been named after someone so special to me. He’s not even a month old he has yet to get to know his grandfather.

OP posts:
Cheese55 · 21/08/2026 10:35

TwinklyPoster · 20/08/2026 13:27

My husband loves the name did not want me to name his son after his father at all. I did ask him for our sons middle name so we went with my grandfathers name.

Edited

Can you not pick you own names. What's the point of naming new children after adults.

TwinklyPoster · 21/08/2026 10:35

Time for the thread to be over. I am not saying the rest of you cannot have relationships with your MiL I am saying I have not had a great experience with mine she seems to think she can dictate what we do. We are adults we can do whatever we like she doesn’t need to ever approve if she hates it she can remove herself out of our lives we don’t care. She’s upset that we don’t need her upset that I have my own career If our marriage was to not work out I would be more than able to stand on my own two feet without him whereas she has spent her life relying on a man who ultimately left her in the end anyway.

OP posts:
TwinklyPoster · 21/08/2026 10:32

IamaBluebird · 21/08/2026 10:29

Your dislike of this woman is evident, there are always maybes in the future Op. maybe your son will want a relationship with his grandmother, your husband fall out with your family, who knows.

If he wants a relationship with her he’s allowed it but I think the older he gets he’ll wonder why the other grandchildren/his cousins do not like her. We won’t stop him from seeing her but we will stop her from posting under 18s on social media. Children cannot consent to that especially now with how unsafe social media is getting for children.

OP posts:
Netcurtainnelly · 21/08/2026 10:31

DontBuyAnotherBook · 21/08/2026 10:13

I can sort of see her point of view as both first and second names are from your side. What about his side?

Names don't have to be from anyone's side. Name your child what you want.
Mil had her chance when she had a baby.

TwinklyPoster · 21/08/2026 10:30

TheFairyCaravan · 21/08/2026 10:26

The drip feeds and embellishments are getting worse.

Why do I need to put every detail in the original post. People making assumptions that she’s widowed when I’ve clearly stated form the start DHs father is alive. It’s not my fault he left her nor is it my fault bet other children keep contact as low as possible. She’s the common denominator if everyone around her keeps leaving. And she’s won’t be doing any of that nonsense with our son

OP posts:
Netcurtainnelly · 21/08/2026 10:30

Newgirls · 20/08/2026 12:46

She was really rude to bring it up. The name is decided and her job is to support you all - not stir trouble. Well done for standing up for yourself

You would think she'd be delighted to have a grandson whatever his name. What is wrong with some people? Why do they look for trouble?
Life's easier when your nice.

IamaBluebird · 21/08/2026 10:29

Your dislike of this woman is evident, there are always maybes in the future Op. maybe your son will want a relationship with his grandmother, your husband fall out with your family, who knows.

TwinklyPoster · 21/08/2026 10:26

Auroraloves · 21/08/2026 10:12

Your MiL is batshit.

It’s your choice and both you and your husband are happy with this, nothing to do with her

however I would say Agatha is a very old fashioned and ugly name

Good thing you don’t have to name your child Agatha. If we had a girl it would be between Agatha (after DHs great grandmother) , Tabitha, Allegra or Flossie and many other “ugly” names.

OP posts:
TheFairyCaravan · 21/08/2026 10:26

TwinklyPoster · 21/08/2026 10:21

No DHs father is alive. They’ve been divorced for some time he’s remarried. The reason he left her was her own doing no one told her to have an affair

The drip feeds and embellishments are getting worse.

TwinklyPoster · 21/08/2026 10:21

SixtySomething · 21/08/2026 10:08

ahe "has started being cruel to our son who isn’t even a month old."

This really does say it all.

Btw., we take it this poor woman is widowed?

Edited

No DHs father is alive. They’ve been divorced for some time he’s remarried. The reason he left her was her own doing no one told her to have an affair

OP posts:
DontBuyAnotherBook · 21/08/2026 10:13

I can sort of see her point of view as both first and second names are from your side. What about his side?

Auroraloves · 21/08/2026 10:12

Your MiL is batshit.

It’s your choice and both you and your husband are happy with this, nothing to do with her

however I would say Agatha is a very old fashioned and ugly name

dinoderry · 21/08/2026 10:10

TwinklyPoster · 21/08/2026 09:52

But why do I have to have a relationship with her. Surely it’s my choice whether I want to accept someone who is so cruel to her own children and has started being cruel to our son who isn’t even a month old.

How has she been cruel to your baby?

SixtySomething · 21/08/2026 10:08

TwinklyPoster · 21/08/2026 09:52

But why do I have to have a relationship with her. Surely it’s my choice whether I want to accept someone who is so cruel to her own children and has started being cruel to our son who isn’t even a month old.

ahe "has started being cruel to our son who isn’t even a month old."

This really does say it all.

Btw., we take it this poor woman is widowed?