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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell my MIL if she wants a son to name she can go have one and not be engrossed on what I choose to name my son.

483 replies

TwinklyPoster · 20/08/2026 12:35

Hi all, this is more of a rant than anything because I’m honestly just frustrated.
I gave birth to my son at the beginning of August, and my husband and I have chosen his name together.

We’ve named him after my father with his middle name being my grandfather’s name. We’ve also given him a double-barrelled surname/name incorporating both mine and his dad’s names.

My family are absolutely thrilled. My dad in particular is over the moon and feels incredibly honoured that his grandson has been named after him.

I am born in 89, my name was old even then and I’ve grown into it I love it, I always get compliments on it or just people curious about it. DH has somewhat of an old name too. I was never going to name my child whether boy or girl something old fashion. If we had a daughter she would have been name Agatha.

The name itself is quite old-fashioned. Think along the lines of Hugo/Herbert, although it isn’t either of those. Personally I love it and think it’s the sort of name that will grow with him. It might sound very “old man” on a newborn, but I can picture it perfectly on him as a little boy, teenager and adult.

The thing is, my husband and I discussed the names at length and he has always been completely on board. We also deliberately decided not to tell anyone the name or even the sex before the birth. This is our first baby and we wanted to keep it completely to ourselves and just enjoy finding out when he arrived.

DH’s parents, however, are furious about the name. His mother mainly.

Apparently it’s “unfair” that we’ve used family names from my side and that they weren’t consulted.

MIL came round last night to check on us and, inevitably, the subject came up again.
I’ll admit I was probably snappier than I should have been, but after hearing yet again how unfair it all was, I told her: “he is my son I name him not you if you want a child to name to have on yourself” She was obviously offended and the atmosphere went very awkward. My husband did his best to calm things down.

Now I’m wondering whether I was completely out of order in how I said it.
I absolutely stand by the fact that DH and I are the only people who get to decide our son’s name. But perhaps I could have handled MIL’s feelings better, especially as I’m freshly postpartum and emotions are obviously running high.

OP posts:
Myfridgeiscool · 20/08/2026 13:09

She got to name her son; you get to name yours!
If you and baby’s dad are happy then that’s it. End of story. She needs to put a sock in it.

TwinklyPoster · 20/08/2026 13:08

BeRoseSloth · 20/08/2026 13:07

I was about to post this. Agatha is really old fashioned. The naming baby to honour relatives is also quite a dated practice isn't it?

I made a typo / not explained properly. We prefer older names.

OP posts:
Rolluprolldown · 20/08/2026 13:07

Yeah you were being unreasonable. Not about feeling irritated by her comments - it's annoying and none of her business - but telling someone to do something that is very likely impossible for them is always a dick move. If you wanted to say 'he's my son not yours', fine - adding the 'have one of your own' is unnecessary.

BeRoseSloth · 20/08/2026 13:07

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 20/08/2026 13:00

As long as you and DH agree then its nobody else's business

Your post is confusing however. You said you'd never give your child an old fashioned name but then said it IS an old fashioned name? And Agatha is definitely an old fashioned name imo (it is pretty though)

I was about to post this. Agatha is really old fashioned. The naming baby to honour relatives is also quite a dated practice isn't it?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 20/08/2026 13:07

Screamingabdabz · 20/08/2026 13:06

I think you responded in the same spirit with which she criticised your choice which is fine. But I do feel sorry for MILs. When your son grows up and has a partner - do be mindful about the cavalier and offhand way you’ve sidelined her.

(And yes, cue the response that when that time comes you’ll be nothing but goodness and light compared to her flawed self - but sometimes we are human and messy - don’t let this damaging moment set the future path you take with your in laws).

In what way has she been sidelined?

Screamingabdabz · 20/08/2026 13:06

I think you responded in the same spirit with which she criticised your choice which is fine. But I do feel sorry for MILs. When your son grows up and has a partner - do be mindful about the cavalier and offhand way you’ve sidelined her.

(And yes, cue the response that when that time comes you’ll be nothing but goodness and light compared to her flawed self - but sometimes we are human and messy - don’t let this damaging moment set the future path you take with your in laws).

Chaibiscuits · 20/08/2026 13:05

GodIhatethepatriarcy · 20/08/2026 12:40

God people are so precious about first babies! This is a tiny thing in a long life, yours, your baby's and your MILs. It's just not worth falling out over.

It's fine to say "well, that's the name and we're happy with it" and change the subject and she was wrong to criticise you for sure, as it's your decision but you are also being very emotional and a bit unkind imo. But this is mumsnet and most people will probably tell you YANBU and to go NC with her!

It isn’t really precious to choose the name of your baby is it now?

PossumHollow · 20/08/2026 13:04

Her feelings are not your problem. She needs to back off. You are under no obligation to tiptoe round her and mollycoddle her because it’s “unfair”. It’s good you were firm and abrupt as otherwise she will escalate and take the piss about more and more stuff. She needs to understand your boundaries now.

Tell your husband to have a serious word with her and tell her to stay away if she can’t be respectful.

PrincessofWills · 20/08/2026 13:04

It's lovely that you've honoured your family in such a way. They must be delighted that you chose your sons name to reflect your side of the family.

Wherethedogsits · 20/08/2026 13:04

TwinklyPoster · 20/08/2026 13:00

This isn’t the first time. We do not seem to ever get on she doesn’t like anything that I do She wants to constantly be around our son he’s just been born give us a bit of time to get used to being parents. My husband has taken 3 months off work so we can spend time bonding with our son. We don’t need his mother at the house all the time.

Dh needs to put in boundaries regarding visits. This time is precious and you won’t get it back.

When I became a grandmother I could have spent all day every day with the dgc but I wouldn’t have intruded in that way.

Holeymoley28 · 20/08/2026 13:02

Perfectly fine. She named her children. You and your husband name yours. She needs to learn to keep her opinions to herself.

Wherethedogsits · 20/08/2026 13:01

You’ve just had a baby, it’s ok to snap! Sounds like she pushed until she got a response. He’s named now, she can’t change it so moaning about it is a waste of breath.

Anyone decent will respect that this baby is yours and your husband’s and that you both get to name him.

Hopefully she’ll stop now!

Congratulations!

TwinklyPoster · 20/08/2026 13:01

Gemilo · 20/08/2026 13:00

This, Both names were after your family?? Could you not have added a third name after his family?

He has his fathers surname.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 20/08/2026 13:01

Gemilo · 20/08/2026 13:00

This, Both names were after your family?? Could you not have added a third name after his family?

The kid already has 4 names! One of which is their surname. No more names needed

TwinklyPoster · 20/08/2026 13:00

This isn’t the first time. We do not seem to ever get on she doesn’t like anything that I do She wants to constantly be around our son he’s just been born give us a bit of time to get used to being parents. My husband has taken 3 months off work so we can spend time bonding with our son. We don’t need his mother at the house all the time.

OP posts:
Gemilo · 20/08/2026 13:00

SemperIdem · 20/08/2026 12:50

I can see why it sits poorly to honour one side of the family but not the other.

This is why my children were given their own names.

This, Both names were after your family?? Could you not have added a third name after his family?

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 20/08/2026 13:00

As long as you and DH agree then its nobody else's business

Your post is confusing however. You said you'd never give your child an old fashioned name but then said it IS an old fashioned name? And Agatha is definitely an old fashioned name imo (it is pretty though)

TheWonderhorse · 20/08/2026 12:59

Of course it's up to you what the names are, and she doesn't get to criticise your choices.

That said I would have made sure to honour people from both sides of the family. All my children have their father's surname (not mine) first names we chose together and the middle names are from grandparents on both sides. I wouldn't have felt okay about having one child with such an imbalance. In fact our PFB DS is named after DPs grandfather because I really wanted his parents to feel included, they'd recently moved abroad and his mother was struggling with being away from us.

LlynTegid · 20/08/2026 12:59

It's your choice, hope they are the conventional spellings, but would say that whether or not your MIL or anyone else had tried to interfere.

Glad you and your DH chose names jointly.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 20/08/2026 12:57

It serves her right for going on about it.

JHound · 20/08/2026 12:57

You were correct. Sometimes people need to be told directly.

AluckyEllie · 20/08/2026 12:57

I think you’ve handled it well. You’ve made your point, your husband tried to smooth it over and hopefully your MIL will back off a bit now. She will have realised it’s different being a grandparent to parent. Sometimes I think it’s tricky if you have that ‘matriarch’ figure for them to realise they aren’t the leaders in this situation, you and your husband are.

Hopefully it will all be fine now, dynamics set. Or it’s just riled her in which case- sympathies 😂

Cuppachuchu · 20/08/2026 12:55

YANBU. She should not have kept going on about it. You did good to put her straight.
Maybe now she will wind her neck in. 🤞

Chunkychips23 · 20/08/2026 12:51

GodIhatethepatriarcy · 20/08/2026 12:40

God people are so precious about first babies! This is a tiny thing in a long life, yours, your baby's and your MILs. It's just not worth falling out over.

It's fine to say "well, that's the name and we're happy with it" and change the subject and she was wrong to criticise you for sure, as it's your decision but you are also being very emotional and a bit unkind imo. But this is mumsnet and most people will probably tell you YANBU and to go NC with her!

Because babies are precious! This is her motherhood and experience. She can be as emotional as she wants about it.

OP is not being unkind either. MIL has gone on and on about this. She’s newly postpartum, it’s a weird thing to harass a new mother about.

SemperIdem · 20/08/2026 12:50

I can see why it sits poorly to honour one side of the family but not the other.

This is why my children were given their own names.