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AIBU?

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Original poster

Partners friends have booked their wedding 3 weeks after ours

193 replies

TheBolans · 20/08/2026 11:03

We are getting married next June, we aren’t on a lot of money so we aren’t doing the whole massive wedding thing, just a small number of people and a low key wedding. However, for us it’s still a considerable amount to save up including food, wedding dress, alterations, hair and make up, wedding rings etc etc. it’s nothing compared to the standard weddings these days that are like 30k, we absolutely can’t afford that. But it’s still taking us time to save up for it.

We are also saving up for our honeymoon, and my step brother is getting married abroad 2 months after us so we are also saving for his wedding in Greece. On top of that, I am currently on a 12 to 18 month waiting list for open heart surgery, my partner won’t have enough holidays to take time off to look after me for the amount of time we would like, so he is taking some time off unpaid so we also need to make sure we have enough money to cover him not being in work for a couple of weeks.

His friend recently told us he has booked his wedding for 3 weeks after us. He said to me “don’t book your honeymoon for straight after your wedding because we are getting married in July” I was a bit gobsmacked by the comment because… we can take our honeymoon whenever we want. But tbh we wouldn’t have booked for July anyway as we have too much going on with not knowing the date yet for my surgery and also going to my step brothers wedding in August. So it wasn’t a problem.

The problems have started now because he is asking DP to pay for a load of stuff which we can’t afford. He said he is going abroad in May for his stag do, he also said DP will need to buy his own suit, and also he wants all of the groomsmen to stay the night before in the rooms of the venue, and the groomsmen will all have to pay for themselves.

We really can’t afford this. DP already told him there’s no way he can go abroad for his stag do, and the friend got very upset by this and they had a bit of an argument. The friend ended up saying he will pay for the room the night before the wedding. We then went out with them for food at the weekend and they said they changed their minds about this seeing as our wedding is so cheap, we can pay for our own rooms the night before the wedding. I bit my tongue because I didn’t want to cause drama in the restaurant.

I understand that they can book their wedding for whenever they want to. That’s fine. But if they have all of these expectations on DP and what he needs to pay for, I feel that they should’ve taken into account our circumstances and the fact that having just got married ourselves, we may not be able to afford it.

AIBU here? Is there any way for me to firmly tell them that we cannot afford these and if he wants DP to be a groomsman, he will have to pay for him because we can’t afford it, without causing a fall out?

OP posts:
SunsetDrifter · 20/08/2026 12:24

Well they aren't going to book and plan their wedding around your wedding any more than you would their's. You don't have to attend their wedding if you can't afford to, nor does your husband have to attend a stag do abroad. You simply join in or not whatever you want to/can afford to. It isn't like it's a siblings wedding or something, a friend's wedding isn't going to end a friendship (if it's a true friendship) not attending, I missed one of my best friend's weddings we were away on holiday, it was one we had rescheduled 4 times because of covid, it'd already cost a fortune and there was so much hassle to move it again, I just said to my friend I couldn't make it. I went on the hen do, just missed the wedding. I mean it was her second wedding I did go to her first one 10 years before so I had seen her get married once 😆.

Not attending hasn't made any difference to our friendship though. Some people missed our wedding due to holidays, it really wasn't an issue, the world doesn't stop spinning because you are getting married.

ClaredeBear · 20/08/2026 12:21

hamnish · 20/08/2026 11:30

You're on the waiting list for open heart surgery - that must be a hell of a thing to have hanging over you. I really hope it goes well. Personally, I wouldn't be afraid of citing that as a reason for ring-fencing time and money next year, after your own wedding and the family wedding you're already committed to. Your DP can say he's honoured to be asked to be an usher/groomsman, and you're both really looking forward to celebrating with them, but given that there's even a small chance he might not be able to be there on the day because you're recovering from open-heart surgery, he'd prefer to attend as a guest.

I agree with this. Prioritise your health above everything and your husband should gracefully withdraw to nip all of this in the bud. They don’t sound like very good friends at all.

ladyb2gw · 20/08/2026 12:20

Just be crystal clear on what you can spend. It does not need to be a drama or falling out. It is what it is.

Greybeardy · 20/08/2026 12:19

Completely missing the point of the post, but is travelling to Greece whilst waiting for cardiac surgery a great idea? Have you explored the cost of travel insurance for that?

Mapletree1985 · 20/08/2026 12:18

" Is there any way for me to firmly tell them that we cannot afford these and if he wants DP to be a groomsman, he will have to pay for him because we can’t afford it, without causing a fall out?"

Yes, there is. Just tell them. Be completely honest.

Original poster
TheBolans · 20/08/2026 12:13

Harrysmummy246 · 20/08/2026 12:08

This is nothing to do with their wedding date and everything to do with their selfish and unreasonable expectations around other people spending for their day

If their wedding date was different then we probably would be able to afford it. We will not have money left over for anything else so close to our own wedding. That’s why I mentioned the date

OP posts:
FookFookFook · 20/08/2026 12:13

TheBolans · 20/08/2026 12:03

They aren’t spending any money on ours, we are paying for the bridesmaid dresses and groomsmen suits ourselves. We don’t have an open bar so they’ll just need to spend money on getting there and back (it’s about a 45 min drive from them) and drinks when they’re there

Show quote history

You definitely aren’t being unreasonable then.

bitontheobtuse · 20/08/2026 12:12

Why they think their wedding should be of any importance to you is baffling.

FlapperFlamingo · 20/08/2026 12:12

“We already booked our honeymoon for after our wedding so I am sorry we can’t attend, have an amazing day”. Ok you haven’t booked it but he doesn’t need to know that!

Bogliasco · 20/08/2026 12:11

The reason you have a cheap wedding is because you can't afford a more expensive one not because you're tight!

You've got some strong reasons why DP can't afford all those things (not least because he's paying for his groomsmen's suits!) so I would suggest DP gives his friend a choice. He would love to be a guest at the wedding and even more so love to be a groomsman but if there's a cost to it he'll have to step down to just being a guest.

Harrysmummy246 · 20/08/2026 12:08

This is nothing to do with their wedding date and everything to do with their selfish and unreasonable expectations around other people spending for their day

MiceSpiders · 20/08/2026 12:08

I'd say our wedding is 'cheap' because we don't expect our invited guests and bridal party to shoulder the cost

Horses7 · 20/08/2026 12:05

TBH I think that you do t need friends like these.
I hope your partner sticks to his guns - his friend is being very selfish and even if they promise to pay for this, that and the other don’t fall for it - I do t believe they will cough up in the end!

Thisismyfinesthour · 20/08/2026 12:04

'Don't book your honeymoon after the wedding because I'm getting married' WTAF ? Jog right off with that one chummy.
OP your wedding is your priority and what YOU want to do, everyone else will have to suck it up that you might not be able to attend others weddings. If they refuse to go to yours as a result, then so what?
The most important people on the day are you and your p. Anyone else is a bonus and not essential.

roshi42 · 20/08/2026 12:04

I think the crucial information missing here is are you asking them to pay for anything related to your wedding? Eg stag/hen. [Crossposted!]

If not then you’re going to have to have an honest conversation about finances… it sounds like they don’t fully understand that - hopefully they’ll be decent when it’s explained!!

Original poster
TheBolans · 20/08/2026 12:03

FookFookFook · 20/08/2026 11:45

I was going to ask this too but in the face of it yanbu. I would say as others have you would love to attend as a guest but can’t afford to be a party of the formal party.

Show quote history

They aren’t spending any money on ours, we are paying for the bridesmaid dresses and groomsmen suits ourselves. We don’t have an open bar so they’ll just need to spend money on getting there and back (it’s about a 45 min drive from them) and drinks when they’re there

OP posts:
Lifealwaysgetsbetter · 20/08/2026 12:00

hamnish · 20/08/2026 11:30

You're on the waiting list for open heart surgery - that must be a hell of a thing to have hanging over you. I really hope it goes well. Personally, I wouldn't be afraid of citing that as a reason for ring-fencing time and money next year, after your own wedding and the family wedding you're already committed to. Your DP can say he's honoured to be asked to be an usher/groomsman, and you're both really looking forward to celebrating with them, but given that there's even a small chance he might not be able to be there on the day because you're recovering from open-heart surgery, he'd prefer to attend as a guest.

Yeah this is a good idea..

Lifealwaysgetsbetter · 20/08/2026 11:59

TheBolans · 20/08/2026 11:03

We are getting married next June, we aren’t on a lot of money so we aren’t doing the whole massive wedding thing, just a small number of people and a low key wedding. However, for us it’s still a considerable amount to save up including food, wedding dress, alterations, hair and make up, wedding rings etc etc. it’s nothing compared to the standard weddings these days that are like 30k, we absolutely can’t afford that. But it’s still taking us time to save up for it.

We are also saving up for our honeymoon, and my step brother is getting married abroad 2 months after us so we are also saving for his wedding in Greece. On top of that, I am currently on a 12 to 18 month waiting list for open heart surgery, my partner won’t have enough holidays to take time off to look after me for the amount of time we would like, so he is taking some time off unpaid so we also need to make sure we have enough money to cover him not being in work for a couple of weeks.

His friend recently told us he has booked his wedding for 3 weeks after us. He said to me “don’t book your honeymoon for straight after your wedding because we are getting married in July” I was a bit gobsmacked by the comment because… we can take our honeymoon whenever we want. But tbh we wouldn’t have booked for July anyway as we have too much going on with not knowing the date yet for my surgery and also going to my step brothers wedding in August. So it wasn’t a problem.

The problems have started now because he is asking DP to pay for a load of stuff which we can’t afford. He said he is going abroad in May for his stag do, he also said DP will need to buy his own suit, and also he wants all of the groomsmen to stay the night before in the rooms of the venue, and the groomsmen will all have to pay for themselves.

We really can’t afford this. DP already told him there’s no way he can go abroad for his stag do, and the friend got very upset by this and they had a bit of an argument. The friend ended up saying he will pay for the room the night before the wedding. We then went out with them for food at the weekend and they said they changed their minds about this seeing as our wedding is so cheap, we can pay for our own rooms the night before the wedding. I bit my tongue because I didn’t want to cause drama in the restaurant.

I understand that they can book their wedding for whenever they want to. That’s fine. But if they have all of these expectations on DP and what he needs to pay for, I feel that they should’ve taken into account our circumstances and the fact that having just got married ourselves, we may not be able to afford it.

AIBU here? Is there any way for me to firmly tell them that we cannot afford these and if he wants DP to be a groomsman, he will have to pay for him because we can’t afford it, without causing a fall out?

Just book a honeymoon that clashes with the wedding (even if it’s in the uk). Say it’s a gift and that’s the only date possible and you can’t change it or afford anything else. Win win.

babyproblems · 20/08/2026 11:57

bitontheobtuse · 20/08/2026 11:06

They can book their wedding for whenever they like, but neither of you have to go. Your DP can simply tell them that you are on a strict budget and do not have the spare cash to spend on attending their wedding as well as your own, so they can get stuffed.

This. Your DH has to say sorry can’t attend stag then. Just be polite and honest x

DeftGoldHedgehog · 20/08/2026 11:56

If you book your wedding immediately after someone else's, there is a good chance that couple may not be able to go. YANBU.

You might also need to save for bespoke travel insurance with the medical conditions you've mentioned.

JustLookingThanks · 20/08/2026 11:50

Definitely just get your partner to say you can't commit to anything else next year due to your surgery. That fact can't be argued with. Wishing you every happiness for your own marriage and also wishing you well for your surgery, fingers crossed the wait isn't too long.

outerspacepotato · 20/08/2026 11:48

Your husband is being pushed and he's going to have to assert himself strongly because this guy is aggressive. He's going to have to refuse to be a groomsman, this guy sounds like a bully.

This guy isn't a friend. If he was, he would understand you guys are on a budget. He's super entitled and thinks he's the center of the universe.

FookFookFook · 20/08/2026 11:45

Sunnibee · 20/08/2026 11:35

Are they spending any money on your wedding?

I was going to ask this too but in the face of it yanbu. I would say as others have you would love to attend as a guest but can’t afford to be a party of the formal party.

Didimum · 20/08/2026 11:43

Silly comments from them, but you there's no need for arguments or dramatics, and they can get married whenever they like.

Everything they are asking of you is optional – you just have to grow a back bone in saying no. It's as simple as that. If they get annoyed with you, then so be it. You don't need friends like that, so nothing lost.

AmericaPleaseThanks · 20/08/2026 11:40

I'd cut anyone out of my life who was this pushy and entitled and I wouldn't give a fuck what their reaction was. In fact the more angry they get about it the better, means they won't get back in touch in the future. Win win.

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