Partners friends have booked their wedding 3 weeks after ours

Perfect!

They are the ones being so unbelievably cheap. You are having the wedding you can afford. They are having the wedding they want on other people’s dime. So crass.

I think it's totally unreasonable to tell someone they 'have' to pay out to attend an abroad stag do, buy a special suit, and pay for accommodation the night before their wedding.

It's not ok to get angry with a friend who says they're sorry, but they can't afford to do that.

It's not ok to tell your friend that they can't book a honeymoon straight after THEIR OWN wedding because it will interfere with yours.

It's not ok to get very upset that your friend has been honest with you re what he can afford.

It's really RUDE to talk trash about your friend's wedding, calling it 'cheap'.

All things considered, this person is a crap friend, and I would be rethinking whether I even wanted to attend his wedding as a guest.

Concentrate on your wedding, health and marriage. This guy isn't much of a friend tbh. Another thing is most people I know aren't even close with people they had in their wedding party 10 years later as life does have a habit of moving on.

I have a heart condition and insurance is insane. If you are waiting for surgery I am seriously surprised anyone is offering to cover you. However, hope you have a lovely time and don’t bother about the friends wedding. Yours is what’s important.

Be honest and message to say, we are so pleased you are geetting married, its fabulous. However, we have a lot of outgoings to pay, a wedding which is small because thats our budget. At this time, we wont be having a honey moon due to affordability and a brothers wedding and will struggle to pay for a stag do and overnight stay as well as suits etc I think honesty is the besy answer here.

They can't make anyone pay for stuff they don't want to. They can't expect him to pay to go away for a stag do, hotel night before wedding or the suit. Friend can go fuck himself.

With friends like these, who needs enemies?

Your friends are CFs

Have you explained your financial commitments and difficulties in the way you have here in the original post? If not - do so. I think it’s quite reasonable to see why you’re financially struggling when explained like this. If they’re still not sympathetic then sod ‘em.

Please don't write this. It's horribly cold and formal. I'd be upset to get something so dismissive. Assuming you still want to keep the friendship, explain that the reason your wedding is cheap is you don't have money to throw around. You absolutely want to help them celebrate, but it has to become within a certain budget.

I think the old mumsnet phrase of "its an invitation, not a summons" applies here. Just dont go to the wedding, you really won't be missing that much.

That’s perfect actually - saying “I can’t afford to be your groomsman”.

it’s not saying he doesn’t want to be but truthfully cannot afford it.

silly comment about saying your wedding is cheap. Not only is that incredibly rude, but also the whole point is that you are not prioritising spending on it - clearly the same reason you can’t prioritise spending on the friend’s wedding. Duh!

Like any event, I believe a wedding invitation is not a summons. If you can’t go, you politely say sorry. If you are invited to be part of the wedding party, but can’t afford the associated costs, you also say thanks but no thanks because XYZ.

You are overthinking it.
If the pair getting married can’t understand the block on you being able to go is cost and health, you would have to ask how good a friendship do we have.

You need to stay as you chose to have your wedding 3 weeks after ours it will of course mean we can’t attend as will be completely skint

A stag do is the most unnecessary part of the "friend's" expectations here. Men get together and go do things (that they can go anytime) and these over the top out of the country ones seem mostly to involve binge drinking and sex tourism.

Just tell them no. It's that bloody simple. You're going to have to deal with far more difficult situations than this in life so get used to putting your foot down. They're hardly friends, they obviously don't care about you and what you're going through.

Ugh, I’m annoyed for you. These aren’t real friends. Have a lovely wedding.

It’s a refreshing change to have a groomzilla story!

Interesting that they’re getting a good deal on their wedding by making the bridal party pay for everything where you, who is being careful, are making sure no one is out of pocket. Speaks volumes about the type of people you both are.

is it quite last minute for them to be booking?

I’d say you need to get a solid budget for it and see if you can make it work. Go on the stag do for a shorter period, rent a suit etc. at the end of the day, he’s not much of a friend if he’s going to fall out with your DP over it.

They can do whatever they want.

But your DP needs to say no.

Why do you think the OP & fiance should change their wedding plans to accommodate someone else's wedding?

You have absolutely no need to stress yourself over this. One of my best & oldest friends from school booked her wedding for the day after my close cousins wedding. I politely declined the invitation which is exactly what I would do in your circumstances. Given your situation OP if you do decline the invitation & this friend takes umbridge at your decision then sadly he is not the friend your partner thinks he is.

I feel sorry for the guy's wife to be. Is he bullying her too?

I'd say you've booked the honeymoon - you don't have to actually book it now, you can see how things go nearer the time.

It should be that if it's important for someone to be stood by your side as a bridesmaid or groomsman that you pay for their dress/suit and nothing more is expected of them other than wearing it and standing by your side on the day.

Maybe he could send a message saying he is really happy for them, would love to attend but can't afford all the extras and if that's a problem for them you will just attend as guests and totally understand that with no hard feelings.

They can't force him to spend hundreds of pounds on THEIR wedding celebrations. 🙄🤦

Really the timing isn't relevant, people shouldn't expect this level of spending regardless. It's very self involved and entitled of them and seems to be happening more and more.