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Original poster

Partners friends have booked their wedding 3 weeks after ours

193 replies

TheBolans · 20/08/2026 11:03

We are getting married next June, we aren’t on a lot of money so we aren’t doing the whole massive wedding thing, just a small number of people and a low key wedding. However, for us it’s still a considerable amount to save up including food, wedding dress, alterations, hair and make up, wedding rings etc etc. it’s nothing compared to the standard weddings these days that are like 30k, we absolutely can’t afford that. But it’s still taking us time to save up for it.

We are also saving up for our honeymoon, and my step brother is getting married abroad 2 months after us so we are also saving for his wedding in Greece. On top of that, I am currently on a 12 to 18 month waiting list for open heart surgery, my partner won’t have enough holidays to take time off to look after me for the amount of time we would like, so he is taking some time off unpaid so we also need to make sure we have enough money to cover him not being in work for a couple of weeks.

His friend recently told us he has booked his wedding for 3 weeks after us. He said to me “don’t book your honeymoon for straight after your wedding because we are getting married in July” I was a bit gobsmacked by the comment because… we can take our honeymoon whenever we want. But tbh we wouldn’t have booked for July anyway as we have too much going on with not knowing the date yet for my surgery and also going to my step brothers wedding in August. So it wasn’t a problem.

The problems have started now because he is asking DP to pay for a load of stuff which we can’t afford. He said he is going abroad in May for his stag do, he also said DP will need to buy his own suit, and also he wants all of the groomsmen to stay the night before in the rooms of the venue, and the groomsmen will all have to pay for themselves.

We really can’t afford this. DP already told him there’s no way he can go abroad for his stag do, and the friend got very upset by this and they had a bit of an argument. The friend ended up saying he will pay for the room the night before the wedding. We then went out with them for food at the weekend and they said they changed their minds about this seeing as our wedding is so cheap, we can pay for our own rooms the night before the wedding. I bit my tongue because I didn’t want to cause drama in the restaurant.

I understand that they can book their wedding for whenever they want to. That’s fine. But if they have all of these expectations on DP and what he needs to pay for, I feel that they should’ve taken into account our circumstances and the fact that having just got married ourselves, we may not be able to afford it.

AIBU here? Is there any way for me to firmly tell them that we cannot afford these and if he wants DP to be a groomsman, he will have to pay for him because we can’t afford it, without causing a fall out?

OP posts:
LondonPapa · 21/08/2026 07:38

TheBolans · 20/08/2026 11:03

We are getting married next June, we aren’t on a lot of money so we aren’t doing the whole massive wedding thing, just a small number of people and a low key wedding. However, for us it’s still a considerable amount to save up including food, wedding dress, alterations, hair and make up, wedding rings etc etc. it’s nothing compared to the standard weddings these days that are like 30k, we absolutely can’t afford that. But it’s still taking us time to save up for it.

We are also saving up for our honeymoon, and my step brother is getting married abroad 2 months after us so we are also saving for his wedding in Greece. On top of that, I am currently on a 12 to 18 month waiting list for open heart surgery, my partner won’t have enough holidays to take time off to look after me for the amount of time we would like, so he is taking some time off unpaid so we also need to make sure we have enough money to cover him not being in work for a couple of weeks.

His friend recently told us he has booked his wedding for 3 weeks after us. He said to me “don’t book your honeymoon for straight after your wedding because we are getting married in July” I was a bit gobsmacked by the comment because… we can take our honeymoon whenever we want. But tbh we wouldn’t have booked for July anyway as we have too much going on with not knowing the date yet for my surgery and also going to my step brothers wedding in August. So it wasn’t a problem.

The problems have started now because he is asking DP to pay for a load of stuff which we can’t afford. He said he is going abroad in May for his stag do, he also said DP will need to buy his own suit, and also he wants all of the groomsmen to stay the night before in the rooms of the venue, and the groomsmen will all have to pay for themselves.

We really can’t afford this. DP already told him there’s no way he can go abroad for his stag do, and the friend got very upset by this and they had a bit of an argument. The friend ended up saying he will pay for the room the night before the wedding. We then went out with them for food at the weekend and they said they changed their minds about this seeing as our wedding is so cheap, we can pay for our own rooms the night before the wedding. I bit my tongue because I didn’t want to cause drama in the restaurant.

I understand that they can book their wedding for whenever they want to. That’s fine. But if they have all of these expectations on DP and what he needs to pay for, I feel that they should’ve taken into account our circumstances and the fact that having just got married ourselves, we may not be able to afford it.

AIBU here? Is there any way for me to firmly tell them that we cannot afford these and if he wants DP to be a groomsman, he will have to pay for him because we can’t afford it, without causing a fall out?

When I got married (not that long ago!), I paid for the best man and groomsmen’s suits. Is this not the case anymore? If I were DP, I’d tell the friend to take a hike with the extras as well. I did my stag the night before wedding (destination wedding) as well. Kept costs down, and was no less fun plus I got to invite those I’d not normally have invited to a stag.

DidYeAye16 · 21/08/2026 06:58

Probably best for your partner to say he can't commit to being a groomsman due to the costs.

Imisssleep88 · 21/08/2026 06:54

Weddings are expensive for everyone, even guests, especially if hotels before and or after are required, outfits, gifts etc.

You just need to be firm, they need to understand that it's not financially viable, or just say you can't commit to that as you may have you op then so can't lay out money for hotels etc when you may not even be able to go as yet.

TerfOnATrain · 21/08/2026 06:28

TheBolans · 20/08/2026 12:03

They aren’t spending any money on ours, we are paying for the bridesmaid dresses and groomsmen suits ourselves. We don’t have an open bar so they’ll just need to spend money on getting there and back (it’s about a 45 min drive from them) and drinks when they’re there

Show quote history

You could always charge them now for their outfits and use the money to fund the outfits for theirs.

TerfOnATrain · 21/08/2026 06:22

I don’t know how old you are, but for the last few years in my DC friendship groups have been a never ending round of endless weddings and stag/hens. I dread to think what the cost has amounted to. Some of these events have been considerate and low cost and some have been extravagant and bordering on outlandish.

I think you just have to be firm, we would love to attend your wedding, we have saved very hard for our wedding and had to keep it small, we cannot afford to go on the stag or pay for the suit but will come as guests and be there for the day.

Personally, I don’t think any bride or groom should expect their friends to pay for their own bridesmaid/groom costs including outfits and hair/make up. If you want it, you fund it.

Seajaye · 21/08/2026 05:39

You husband hasn't been asked to be the best man so his friend has got other options, and as much as your husband may want to be a groomsmen for his friend, his friends terms and conditions aren't acceptable to you both in your particular circumstances.

So he needs to politely decline for personal financial reasons ( not mentioning the cost of compliance with the friends conditions is too expensive,) due his impending period of unpaid leave , and confirm that you will be delighted to attend as ordinary guests, assuming your surgery doesn't prevent you .

Wreckinball · 21/08/2026 05:17

DP’s friend sounds like a twat rather than a friend. DP will just have to tell him he’s too busy with his own wedding and skint given that he’s been so rude and has a complete lack of understanding

B9waiting · 21/08/2026 01:05

They are not your friends!

Whoops75 · 21/08/2026 01:03

I declined being bridesmaid at my friends wedding, I went as a guest instead.
Like ye I couldn’t spare the money and this was the easiest way to remove any financial obligation as early as possible.

LlamaLoopy · 21/08/2026 01:01

You partner needs to explain your own wedding plans are being managed based onn your financial situation and he is very sorry that he would love to be part of their wedding party

Limon22 · 21/08/2026 00:54

TheBolans · 20/08/2026 11:03

We are getting married next June, we aren’t on a lot of money so we aren’t doing the whole massive wedding thing, just a small number of people and a low key wedding. However, for us it’s still a considerable amount to save up including food, wedding dress, alterations, hair and make up, wedding rings etc etc. it’s nothing compared to the standard weddings these days that are like 30k, we absolutely can’t afford that. But it’s still taking us time to save up for it.

We are also saving up for our honeymoon, and my step brother is getting married abroad 2 months after us so we are also saving for his wedding in Greece. On top of that, I am currently on a 12 to 18 month waiting list for open heart surgery, my partner won’t have enough holidays to take time off to look after me for the amount of time we would like, so he is taking some time off unpaid so we also need to make sure we have enough money to cover him not being in work for a couple of weeks.

His friend recently told us he has booked his wedding for 3 weeks after us. He said to me “don’t book your honeymoon for straight after your wedding because we are getting married in July” I was a bit gobsmacked by the comment because… we can take our honeymoon whenever we want. But tbh we wouldn’t have booked for July anyway as we have too much going on with not knowing the date yet for my surgery and also going to my step brothers wedding in August. So it wasn’t a problem.

The problems have started now because he is asking DP to pay for a load of stuff which we can’t afford. He said he is going abroad in May for his stag do, he also said DP will need to buy his own suit, and also he wants all of the groomsmen to stay the night before in the rooms of the venue, and the groomsmen will all have to pay for themselves.

We really can’t afford this. DP already told him there’s no way he can go abroad for his stag do, and the friend got very upset by this and they had a bit of an argument. The friend ended up saying he will pay for the room the night before the wedding. We then went out with them for food at the weekend and they said they changed their minds about this seeing as our wedding is so cheap, we can pay for our own rooms the night before the wedding. I bit my tongue because I didn’t want to cause drama in the restaurant.

I understand that they can book their wedding for whenever they want to. That’s fine. But if they have all of these expectations on DP and what he needs to pay for, I feel that they should’ve taken into account our circumstances and the fact that having just got married ourselves, we may not be able to afford it.

AIBU here? Is there any way for me to firmly tell them that we cannot afford these and if he wants DP to be a groomsman, he will have to pay for him because we can’t afford it, without causing a fall out?

i’m going to be honest with you.. I get why you’re disappointed and annoyed. But it really is that kind of anger you should be having in a quiet space as a vent with your partner, knowing it’s not really fair to be angry but you’re only human, getting it off your chest and then moving on.

As a society we have all become way too self absorbed. Your partners friends have done absolutely nothing wrong - they’ve booked a wedding after yours and albeit rather close; it’s not the same weekend. You could still easily do a two week honeymoon and make it back. You also don’t know the reason for their date - their venue might have limited options, clashes with family availability etc.

How much you spend on your mate’s wedding is personal but if he’s your husband to be’s groomsman then really he should mirror it back. I get the stag abroad might be tough, and if your groom is funding his mate’s suit then it should be vice versa.

But all in all they should be able to be excited about their wedding and vice versa. When I got married ten years ago we had six weddings in the run up to ours. It was the age and time friends were getting wed. Since then we’ve all had kids, and there’s constantly clash of availability. It’s just life. Everyone’s life is their own priority, and you’ve to weigh up who/what is impotent to you vs what you can/can’t afford. If you genuinely can’t afford some things honesty is the best policy and they’ll get over it. But if it stems from jealousy in sharing the limelight be careful. We should be able to celebrate our friends and ourselves without competition or comparison.

Giraffehaver · 21/08/2026 00:48

Your DP needs to tell his "friend" privately why he can't do this, mentioning the financial situation and your surgery.
If the "friend" does not understand this then he is not a friend at all and you can politely decline to attend

EmeraldShamrock000 · 21/08/2026 00:35

Bubble567 · 21/08/2026 00:30

It's unusual to expect the groomsmen to pay for their own suits, you don't expect bridesmaids to for their dresses so it should be the same.

Maybe your DP could step down from being a groomsman...say you would love to share their special day but due to finances he can't afford to attend the stag do abroad, pay for suits and rooms but he would like to take him out for a pint for a mini stag and he'll step down as groomsman due to being unable to afford the extra costs involved.

It’s apparently it is the done thing in America. Crazy to expect the bridal party to pay for the dress.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 21/08/2026 00:33

It’s an invitation not a summons. Don’t delay or change any of your plans. I’d be grateful that they weren’t getting married 3 weeks before your wedding. You can’t go. If they choose to drop out of your wedding it will save you a few pounds towards your honeymoon.
Congratulations 💖

Franjipanl8r · 21/08/2026 00:32

It’s a wedding invitation, not a court summons. He just needs to decline the invitation and decline anything else he doesn’t want to do. If he looses the friend over it, then they aren’t a friend worth having anyway.

theodoretrout · 21/08/2026 00:31

I admire the decency of all the people who suggested declining politely with explanations. They are better people than me. I for one would sternly reassess the 'friendship' and start going through the process of breaking off contact.

Congrats on your wedding and all the best with your surgery.

Bubble567 · 21/08/2026 00:30

It's unusual to expect the groomsmen to pay for their own suits, you don't expect bridesmaids to for their dresses so it should be the same.

Maybe your DP could step down from being a groomsman...say you would love to share their special day but due to finances he can't afford to attend the stag do abroad, pay for suits and rooms but he would like to take him out for a pint for a mini stag and he'll step down as groomsman due to being unable to afford the extra costs involved.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 21/08/2026 00:25

Your DP needs to back out as a groomsman.
Tell the friend it's not affordable due to his own wedding costs, another family wedding and planning on taking time off. Go as guests and not part of their wedding.

CreamSecond · 21/08/2026 00:24

Sorry if I've missed something - but if you still don't know the date of your surgery then you can't commit to anything in the near future can you?
That is an excellent reason to be unable to promise anything. You have to keep your dates clear.

Lauzg90 · 21/08/2026 00:18

I voted YABU only due to your last sentence.
I think it is pretty reasonable to pay for your own hotel room and stag do place. Even the suit isn’t too bad…not ideal but not ludicrous.
However it is also reasonable to not be able to afford it. The groom should not have to cover all costs for your partner. Your partner should just tell him that sadly he is unable to afford to be a groomsman and go to the stag do but he would love to come to the wedding as a guest.

SpicyMargFTW · 21/08/2026 00:17

Also, why the fuck isn't this guy paying for his own groomsmen's suits? He's having the wedding he wants, on other people's dime, and is then getting shitty about it when people say "no". The fucktard needs a reality check. Ditch him. He's not a real friend of your DP if he is not championing your DP's nuptials.

SpicyMargFTW · 21/08/2026 00:13

TheBolans · 20/08/2026 11:03

We are getting married next June, we aren’t on a lot of money so we aren’t doing the whole massive wedding thing, just a small number of people and a low key wedding. However, for us it’s still a considerable amount to save up including food, wedding dress, alterations, hair and make up, wedding rings etc etc. it’s nothing compared to the standard weddings these days that are like 30k, we absolutely can’t afford that. But it’s still taking us time to save up for it.

We are also saving up for our honeymoon, and my step brother is getting married abroad 2 months after us so we are also saving for his wedding in Greece. On top of that, I am currently on a 12 to 18 month waiting list for open heart surgery, my partner won’t have enough holidays to take time off to look after me for the amount of time we would like, so he is taking some time off unpaid so we also need to make sure we have enough money to cover him not being in work for a couple of weeks.

His friend recently told us he has booked his wedding for 3 weeks after us. He said to me “don’t book your honeymoon for straight after your wedding because we are getting married in July” I was a bit gobsmacked by the comment because… we can take our honeymoon whenever we want. But tbh we wouldn’t have booked for July anyway as we have too much going on with not knowing the date yet for my surgery and also going to my step brothers wedding in August. So it wasn’t a problem.

The problems have started now because he is asking DP to pay for a load of stuff which we can’t afford. He said he is going abroad in May for his stag do, he also said DP will need to buy his own suit, and also he wants all of the groomsmen to stay the night before in the rooms of the venue, and the groomsmen will all have to pay for themselves.

We really can’t afford this. DP already told him there’s no way he can go abroad for his stag do, and the friend got very upset by this and they had a bit of an argument. The friend ended up saying he will pay for the room the night before the wedding. We then went out with them for food at the weekend and they said they changed their minds about this seeing as our wedding is so cheap, we can pay for our own rooms the night before the wedding. I bit my tongue because I didn’t want to cause drama in the restaurant.

I understand that they can book their wedding for whenever they want to. That’s fine. But if they have all of these expectations on DP and what he needs to pay for, I feel that they should’ve taken into account our circumstances and the fact that having just got married ourselves, we may not be able to afford it.

AIBU here? Is there any way for me to firmly tell them that we cannot afford these and if he wants DP to be a groomsman, he will have to pay for him because we can’t afford it, without causing a fall out?

That's just a shitty move on your DP's friend's part, if they were expecting your partner / you to be a part of their wedding.

Three weeks apart is just ridiculous. A lot of people honeymoon for 2-3 weeks and don't go straight from the church. The comment about you delaying your honeymoon (which doesn't sound as though it's a joke) is genuinely disgusting - your DP's friend does not respect that your wedding is as important to you as his wedding is to him. He also doesn't respect your wedding in the way he wants you to respect his. What a shitty person.

He's at liberty to have his wedding whenever he wants. He is a dick for expecting you to spend on his wedding and potentially change your own wedding plans to fit around his. What a douchebag.

I mean, when this "friend" has a tanty about you guys not spending X to attend his lavish stag do, it's worth reminding him that you're not even spending that much on your own so there's no way you'd spend it on someone else's.

I really object to such entitled behaviour and I despise people trying to spend other people's money for them.

Redpaisley · 21/08/2026 00:01

Dp’s friend is a groomzilla.

Luckylu123 · 20/08/2026 23:38

nomas · 20/08/2026 11:08

YANBU. DP should tell them that the reason you are having a low key wedding is due to financial circumstances, which is why you're not expecting your guests to book accomodation or to pay for a stag do or to buy matching groomsmen suits. And that for the same reason, DP won't be able to afford to pay for accomodation or to pay for a stag do or to buy matching groomsmen suits for his friend's wedding.

Edited

This is spot on for me. I think the most reasonable outcome is for your DP to say he can’t be a groomsman because he can’t afford all the expenses. And you attend as guests.

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 20/08/2026 23:17

Your dh needs to be brave and either tell you that his friend is a priority and so somehow the budget needs to change OR tell his friend that his wedding can't be a priority for him right now, maybe that means he can't be a groomsman, maybe it means his friend is cross with him but ultimately sometimes the decisions we make can annoy people - it's their choice what they do, and how they feel. It's your dps choice what he does.