'I don't like confrontation'

Nobody likes confrontation but some find it far easier to deal with than others for all sort of reasons.

I love Dutch people so much. We should all go Dutch!

Maybe people disagree with you about what is necessary? So someone taking a car park space, no I won’t, but to use an example from another thread, an architect being vague about the cost basis of an estimate and it being massively over what was agreed. Yes, we are going to be talking about that, and I will be precise and articulate about my requirements.

If they’re complaining about and suffering situations they don’t want to be in, that could quite easily be solved by being assertive, then yes, they would absolutely benefit from working on their lack of assertiveness. Being naturally inclined/ socialized to a trait does not mean you have to accept it, or that you cannot change it.

OP - I do think a lot of it is socialization. I was raised in a country that is direct when it comes to communication, and saying ‘no’ doesn’t have to be couched in apology or appeasement. It isn’t considered rude, aggressive, or uncomfortable there at all, whereas not saying what you mean and/or accepting something when you don’t want to would be indicative of someone weird, rude, weak and/or untrustworthy.

However, in the UK whether someone is assertive or rude is often entirely in the eye of the beholder, and saying no at all can be considered the latter.

I bloody love confrontation, always have.
However, i usually do it in such a way that leaves people thinking "what just happened"

A lot of people (and I include myself in this) are just not equipped with the vocabulary required to articulate effectively nowadays.

Jane Austen is proof that something very honest, to the point or cutting can be said in a polite and assertive way.

It's not true at all! Some people love needling/starting fuss/could start an argument in an empty house. There's a massive difference between someone calmly standing up for their rights, like "No, I'm not happy to split the bill equally when you've had ten courses and I've had a salad" and someone who loves starting arguments because their SIL didn't obey their specific shade of autumn colours dresscode at their wedding.
There have always been folk like this, but it's only recently that they'd bleat about how amazing they are for it, and criticise others who help keep the peace/know how to be the bigger person.

Completely agree with this, and I’ve felt this way about some people for a long time! You’re right, dealing with conflict is a very vital life skill!

My BF uses this to try and shut down any discussion he doesn't like. If I feel the need to express any dissatisfaction it's "don't have a go at me, confrontation upsets me" when really all I want to do is talk about something that's bothering me.

Yes this pervasive these days and goes hand in hand with lack of resilience. I see it increasingly at work where no one will speak up or argue a point. Everyone is terrified of confrontation or to even express disagreement.

Extreme social anxiety for me. If someone 'shouts' at me, I have a full blown panic attack. 'Shouting' may include sending me an email or a passive agressive remark. I was also a peacemaker growing up. I know I am pathetic. It has ruined my life.

Except when you confront the wrong person and they 1) physically harm you or 2) become venomous to you and make life much harder.

Yes if everyone was reasonable confrontation could be polite and constructive. But more and more people seem to be ready to burst aflame at the lightest touch.

Well yes. Eg I do pull people up when they don’t pick up dog poo. But there are definitely some kinds of owners I would not challenge. And I would also consider time of day, how many others were around etc.

But there are many kind of milder ‘confrontation’ people avoid. Eg asking for a refund..

Agree with the sentiment the OP expresses. There are plenty of things we do that we don't like but are necessary if you are not to be trampled over or worse.

It’s absolutely possible to do that, but it’s not possible to control how the other person responds. Accurately assessing how responsive people will be to polite assertion is also a skill. And so often (difficult neighbour, overly emotional friend, narcissistic mother) you know very well the response will be a massive row and you won’t achieve anything anyway. So you suck it up and leave it or just avoid it because that actually achieves the better outcome.

100%

Avoiding confrontation can be quite healthy, when it's things like just not spending time with a certain person anymore. There's almost no point trying to change a difficult person by persuading them to be better, they won't.

I work for myself and don't have a partner, so I have no need for confrontation, I can shape my life to be easy. It's different in a relationship of course when sometimes things do need to be said.

Once in a blue moon I'll need to deescalate a situation (last time about 2 years ago with an angry woman in Waitrose car park!) but much of the time it can be avoided altogether.

Some people thrive on it, they're not my people.

This, too.

Most ‘people pleasers’ learned the hard way, early in life, the bad things that can happen when you politely disagree with an outwardly respectable person who is privately insane or sadistic.

They walk among us.

I must admit it pisses me off sometimes as it is often an excuse. You can stand up for yourself without shouting or being agressive.

I think that's really insightful. It certainly explains why so many people on here advocate lying to get out of anything that feels uncomfortable.

I don’t like confrontation because no one can predict how the other person will react.

it might sound extreme but how many people have ended up being stabbed or seriously injured because they confronted unreasonable behaviour?

there are stories in the news every day describing how people have been killed with one punch or glassed and scarred for life or stabbed and killed because they confronted someone

You can't get your point across when it comes to my manager, because he will just stomp all over you and ignore whatever you've said. We just suffer in silence and plot his demise...

I find it easier going head-to-head with someone who I got on with, who then turned on me. While they can give it, they can't take it. They are now not speaking to me, so it's nice and peaceful!

I was brought up to not make a fuss, etc. and it hasn't done me any good. I am doing my best to rebel against it as an adult, but it's a bit tricky when anxiety takes over and makes my chest so tight that it's hard to get words out.

If you 'don't like confrontation', how do you get your point across when it becomes necessary? Or do you just suffer in silence?

Unfortunately, yes, speaking as a reformed "don't like confrontation" person.

I have reframed it into a LinkedIn-style thing of "passionate about fairness and equality".

(See also: Not My Problem and "oh dear, what are you going to do to about that?" as a response to people fishing for you to sort out a mess of their own making)