Just walked out on kids

I was regularly left for 4 hours with my older sister when I was 6-7 and she was 8-9. The neighbour checked in on us but both my parents had to work and childcare as it is today wasn't even a thing. Maybe you're privileged enough that you don't know how often this is a reality for children.

I was a latch key kid from 6, no privilege here.

So?

My mum did this to me when I was 8

I have never forgiven her.

What to her was getting a few moments peace , was to me , a child, my mother abandoning me

Go home OP, deep breaths

Just because you can't do it, doesn't mean "most people" can't.

You can calm down without abusing your children. I guarantee most parents manage it.

What's the point in recommending something that so few people are clearly capable of actually doing? Most of us can't regulate our emotions at all times to the point where we never shout or need to take time to calm down.

My mum did this to me when I was 8

I have never forgiven her.

What to her was getting a few moments peace , was to me , a child, my mother abandoning me

Go home OP, deep breaths

Im not holier than though, but im an adult who was a child scarred by similar behaviour. Wonderful for you if you've not had those experiences, not all of us are that lucky. I may of course be wrong but I doubt she brightly said "im not having this be my life" whilst skipping out the door with a smile on her face.

I would recommend not leaving your children home alone while you tantrum, and also not "losing your rag" with them.

Learn to regulate your emotions without abusing your children and then asking everyone to agree it's ok because you're "just a mum who is ever so tired because it's summer holidays blah blah".

So what do you recommend? Even my parent friends that subscribe to the most idealistic gentle parenting theories have lost their rag and shouted at their kids when they have misbehaved. Sure they beat themselves up about it but it still happens.

That doesn't make it acceptable.

Poor children.

I was a latch key kid from six.

Where does the OP say she was shouting? You think a 9 and 12 year old believed their exasperated mother was leaving for good with just her keys and her bag? They weren't even concerned enough to phone their. I imagine they were at home thinking "fuck, we're really in trouble now".

I know Mumsnet is full of holier than thou types who think children will be scarred for life by the most minor upset but there is no need to make things up to strengthen your argument.

Most parents I know have either done this or they have lost their shit and shouted.

Well the fact that they were a bit sheepish shows that you have done a good job raising them because they were able to recognise that they had tipped you over the edge. It also sounds like they weren't remotely traumatised and were perfectly able to recognise that you were blowing off a bit of steam. Ignore all the perfect parents on here who never lose their shit.

Well the fact that they were a bit sheepish shows that you have done a good job raising them because they were able to recognise that they had tipped you over the edge. It also sounds like they weren't remotely traumatised and were perfectly able to recognise that you were blowing off a bit of steam. Ignore all the perfect parents on here who never lose their shit.

In the "real world", parents do not walk out and leave their children home alone. This is not normal or acceptable behaviour.

No one is congratulating or normalising anything. The OP obviously doesn't feel great about it and people are being understanding rather than putting the boot in.

I was regularly left for 4 hours with my older sister when I was 6-7 and she was 8-9. The neighbour checked in on us but both my parents had to work and childcare as it is today wasn't even a thing. Maybe you're privileged enough that you don't know how often this is a reality for children. I'm not arguing that it's ideal but given that I survived you'll have to forgive me for not thinking OP should be reported for social services for leaving a 9 and 12 year old for 30 minutes.

It isn't about leaving the children alone, its about what was said to them and the circumstances surrounding that. There is a world of difference between a mum saying she is popping to the shop and leaving her kids alone for 30mins and leaving the house shouting that they don't want this to be their life. In the first the children reasonably expect their mother to return, in the second they have no idea if she will ever come back. That is the point.

Nobody can regulate their feelings all the time, it's just unrealistic and not particularly healthy.

I appreciate it was probably was a scary episode for the children and that OP needs to go back and apologise, but sometimes children do need to understand that everyone has a limit.

No wonder this country is in such a mess when it comes to children & young people. Emotional abuse?? Just stop it.

I’m not at all surprised a parent might feel the need to step away from such an incident for a few minutes.

Children need parents first & foremost, not best friends/therapists.

It is emotional abuse.

OP needs to learn to regulate her own feelings.