Just walked out on kids

Shout if you must, calm down, by all means. Having a tantrum because your children are bickering, shows them that having a tantrum is okay.

The fact her children weren't at all shocked would suggest she regularly tantrums in their presence.

Agreed. And reflecting on your not-so-great moments, honestly, is not the same as minimising what you’ve done and sweeping it under the rug.

Nope. My children are primary school aged and preschoolers. I'm right in this stage. Still managed to never abuse them.

Shouting is totally different to what OP did.

There's a vast gulf between "Stepford parents" and child abuse.

Real parents, also need to communicate with their kids on how to cope with overwhelming feelings. They can even say, “I’m so frustrated, angry, and overwhelmed with you two. I’m going to go take a bath and lock the door.” Or something like. Every parent ends up shouting. Not every parent throws things, or takes off like a bat out of hell.

It’s scary AF to children if you just slam the door and drive away. OP’s kids are pretty young. Did she leave them alone with
no other adult in the house? They are left to wonder if she will ever come back. They are being exasperating, but just taking off for parts unknown for God knows how long, may traumatize them. Because they’re CHILDREN. I completely understand OP’s frustration, but I think she could have handled it better. Trauma doesn’t have to be repeated to have a lasting emotional effect.

Probably because it was so unexpected and unusual and not a regular feature of her parenting.

Yes - because it was an important lesson. It taught me that my mother was a human being and not a saint with limitless patience.

Not every mark left by a memory is a scar.

Routinely ignoring your children until you just can’t take it anymore and then snap is not healthy. And just because the snapping was a one off does not mean that OP is fine not finding a better way of dealing with it.

@maxslice you are far too sensible for this thread.

Well that's irresponsible. Oh no, my children are bickering! How unusual for siblings.

It’s interesting that that’s one of your core memories though.

When my kids were this age and I’d reached the end of my tether, if my husband was home, I’d finally snap. I’d say, “I can’t get into this anymore with you too. If I stay and you continue to be like this, I’m afraid I’ll say some really hurtful, damaging things. I’m going to put my self in timeout in my car to calm down. I’ll come back in side in a little bit.”
I and I did. But I stayed in my own driveway. To my surprise, when I came back
in after 15 minutes, they’d stopped bickering.
I really had been afraid I’d say
some that couldn’t be unsaid.

Big hugs OP. Better to have walked away for 30 minutes than belted them, which is what my mother once did. Sometimes it's very hard to ignore the incessant bickering.

So unbelievably sanctimonious.

It's absolutely not abuse, a one-off situation where a mother reaches her limit is not going to harm them. For something to be emotional abuse, if has to be a repeated pattern of damaging behaviour. If her relationship with the children is otherwise good, and it sounds like it is, they won't have thought she had left them for good. They will have simply understood that their mum is a person too, who also has needs and feelings and limits.

My mum got sick of me and my brother bickering once and chucked a mug at the wall, in frustration. If she had done that regularly, it would have been abusive. As she only did it once, it was instead a wake-up call.

My eldest is 9. So that’s not the case for me.

I’m not judging the Op, but I’m not going to say the behaviour is good or ok. We’ve all
had our shit moments, but I don’t think it helps anyone to say “good for you”.

What if OP lost her rag and accidentally said out loud “your bickering makes me want to kill myself”

I mean, it’s understandable but it’s going to have done damage that needs addressing, not MNetters saying “good for you, bet that was a sharp shock to the system that will keep them in line from now on”.

She was responding to another poster who asked why she had said it

Do you just like the sound of your own typing?

You are either childless or you had your children so long ago you can't remember what it's like at that stage.

I'm a social worker and there's so much nonsense being spouted on this thread. All the points you've made about needing to be 14 are wrong. There is no age limit for leaving two children at home, unsupervised.
Children are far more resilient than many people on here give them credit for and, they survived. They've been described as contrite but it's been interpreted as being scared. initial fear followed by a period of reflection is what probably happened and honestly, it's probably done them some good.
If nothing else OP has had a little reset and now feels more able to cope. Parents are allowed to be human and it doesn't always harm children to see that. None of what OP has described suggests that they're being brought up in a dysfunctional family, unlike the poor posters who do appear to have been genuinely affected. None of what OP deścribed would meet the threshold for intervention and a one off incident such as this would not constitute emotional abuse. If this, for some reason, ever did come across my desk, I'd appreciate that she knew when to walk away because there could have been a risk of it escalating into something more serious. She could see that and made the right choice to remove herself.

Ed. The fact that, on the same day, they feel comfortable enough to 'start being silly again' kind of confirms there's no long lasting trauma or fear of permanent rejection.

Because describing what the OP did as "emotional abuse" is OTT and ridiculous.

@patiencehasgone if your kids were 4 and 6 i'd agree with some of the posters but 9 and 12 are capable of calling dad if they were so distressed, they didn't ! Nope you needed to make a stand and you did, christ i was letting myself in from school at 9 with a younger sister! Look after yourself and your sanity and they will be just fine! ❤️

Sometimes children need to see that their parents are human too and that they can't behave like little shits without any pushback. It's particularly important they learn this before they get to the teenage stage.

I'm not condoning actually abandoning them of course but occasionally putting the fear of god into them when needed and appropriate is very far from the worst thing you could do.

I think like me this person assumed OP was leaving for good and not just to take a break. I assume they have been abandoned by their mother so not fair to say that they are childish.