Just walked out on kids

I used to work with a woman who would leave her 3 kids for entire days in the holidays whilst she went to work. One was 12 the other around 7 and the other about 4

The end of the world rhetoric from some posters is hilarious

i would absolutely do what you did OP - as parents we have noting left in the arsenal to control behaviour anymore - no clips round the ear no smacks on the hand not even really losing your shit and shouting at them as some busy body neighbour is liable to call social services - they need a short sharp shock and hopefully it will be a wake up call. Next time I’d get a suitcase out and tell them to decide whose clothes are going in it if they can’t live together someone will have to leave

upmost empathy and support from me to you OP- i have never done this but i have gone out to the garden locking the door behind me as i thought i was going to explode due to tiredness and stress . it is a good thing to be able to step away when at breaking point - and it is also good for children to realise that their parents ( especially their mother ) are human beings. you know that you shouldn’t have done this in such a dramatic manner but you are handling it as best you can - i would think about how you in future would handle this so that when you need space again you can do it in a way that means you don’t feel bad about temp “abandoning” them . all best - we are all just getting through the hard stuff !

Why didn't the two of you calm down with the fighting then? Can't have been that terrifying otherwise you'd have altered your behaviour surely?

Probably for the same reason that we all used to shit in nappies, ride bikes with stabilisers, believe our dolls were real and had imaginary friends- we were all children once!

Children learn, they go through many stages, they clash with people, they learn about communication, conflict and behaviour. What we DON’T do as parents is match them where they are at and storm out throwing a tantrum. I can’t imagine judging my own children for being unable to control their tempers if I’m actually not even capable of controlling mine without storming out of the house?

Sometimes you just reach the end of your rope. It’s not great that you walked out but it’s better than absolutely losing your shit with them.
Do they have separate bedrooms where they can both be sent to cool down when they’re arguing?
Would they be better behaved if they each had a friend round (although appreciate you can’t do this every day).
Is their dad in the family home or are you separated?
Sorry, so many questions!

Totally get this. I have a 10 and 14 year old so totally relate. They literally bicker over anything and everything and push buttons I didn’t even know I possess. You are sat in your car worrying and they are probably oblivious that you have even left. When you are calm I would go home and let them know how sad they have made you feel. Be honest with them. Then tell them to go to their rooms to have a think about how they have made you feel. My two would sheepishly come down and apologise and I’m sure yours will too. Then re start the day by maybe doing something together like a board game? Have a fun moment. Our family saying is we don’t hold grudges in this family. It does work. Good luck 😉

My kids are 9 and 12 OP and although I haven’t yet walked out the house on them they have certainly pushed me to the point of having to walk away and find a quiet corner of the house and have a little cry.

They can be so trying.

Deep breath, re-set, and go back.

You’ll be ok xx

Unless she didn’t ever come back, you need to get the fuck over it.

Why did you fight constantly and if judge her reaction what could she have done that would have stopped you fighting?

I understand your frustration but theyre children.

My mum used to do this when my sister and i fought constantly. She'd scream and shout louder storm off, slam the door, lock us in and be gone for a while.

It was terrifying. Partly because we couldn't get out and partly because we didnt known when ahe was coming back or what she would do to us when she did.

I physically separated my younger two last week sent them to different rooms 17 and fucking 13 ENOUGH LEAVE EACH OTHER ALONE

I woukd have walked out but I have nice neighbours

Good thing the op isn't leaving them for a long period then. She's round the corner catching her breath, not off out for the day

They will be fine for half an hour op. Take a breather. Can one of them go to a friend's house for the day to give them a break from each other?

it happens, family dynamics, they will argue again, you will get cross again etc.

be grateful they are generally happy and well and go again.

I had my own key from the start of secondary and was home alone from 3-5.30. Nobody melted. Take the time and then if they won't stop send them to separate rooms with a different time to come out for lunch.

That sounds quite extreme from you.

also ops kids are older and there are two of them, she’s around the corner.

Book yourself into the nearest hotel and put them up for adoption.

Im joking (have to spell it out in here as it’s full of plebs)

Seriously they’ll be reet. Are they the type of children you can sit and talk to and they listen ?
You need to set some boundaries. For now I’d go back and talk firmly about consequences.

OP's only around the corner. It's not a long period.

The NSPCC advice doesn't reflect the real world that there isn't easy access to childcare at secondary school. In the next weeks there are 11 year olds making their way to/ from their new schools, walking around, using public transport, looking after themselves until their parents are home from work.

Some OTT replies here.
A 9 and a 12 year old will be fine, if the 12 has a phone text them and say you are having a coffee/walk and will be back. And you want a conversation with both when you return about their behaviour to each other.
Then enjoy the coffee

Understandable OP! Treat them like toddlers because they’re acting like it. Star chart and sanctions.

I find it really triggering too. Mine are a little younger. Revisiting these resources today, maybe they might help you too. https://www.peacefulparenthappykids.com/guide/helping-siblings-get-along

NSPCC guidelines aren’t remotely based in reality.

They’ll live, may stop them being dicks for a while too.