Just walked out on kids

Well you wouldn’t know that would you as you weren’t there. And have absolutely no idea at all of my childhood experiences.

but judge away if it makes you feel superior ☺️

Your wording ‘I’m not having this be my life’ is absolutely priceless. I like you OP!

If you don't want to be reported to social services (plenty on here would do so) I'd go home.

Just reading Kathy Burke's autobiography and on her sixth birthday she was given a key to the front door and a milk crate to stand on so that she could reach the lock so I wouldn't berate yourself too much for leaving kids this age for half an hour or so.

Incredible attempt here to make OP feel like stepping out means she has damaged her relationship with her children for life, followed by the "deep breaths" to make out you have her best interests at heart. Mumsnet at its finest.

My mum did this to me when I was younger, it was quite traumatic as I genuinely believed she'd left forever - came out years later in therapy after I had my own children 😬

Having my own children though I can completely understand why you lost it with them - perhaps working on your own emotional regulation could help moving forward?

Is it cheerleading? Because I've seen understanding, not cheerleading.

You’re human. Your nervous system has a limit. You can’t regulate if you’re not regulated yourself. It was either erupt and snap, saying or doing something you’d regret, or taking a breather to give yourself time to reset.

They’re not going to have abandonment issues or be traumatised because you left them alone for 30mins.

Try what I did with my boys. (Now parents themselves) sit them down facing each other and tell them to take it in turns to insult the other. They'll start with the "I hate you," "You're annoying," etc.comments then run out of ideas. Make them keep going if they stop. It'll then degenerate into comments such as, "Your feet smell," getting sillier and sillier till they're both giggling.

Me and my brother aged 11 and 9 were bickering as usual in the car one day. My mum had enough, stopped and yelled until we got out. Then drove off. We were shocked, but quickly came round and decided to hide behind the hedge to scare her, knowing she'd probably be back in a few mins and she was. So it actually taught us to pull together and certainly didn't cause any long term trauma 😂

That's quite chilling, can you link to examples, especially where the boy is 12?

My mum spent my whole childhood threatening to leave, packing her bags and actually leaving, and threatening suicide. It has created lifelong issues for all of her children, me included, around people-pleasing behaviour, unhealthy independence and attachments in relationships.

This is very different from OP extracting herself from a situation to clear her head and avoid saying or doing something that could be harmful at worst or unhelpful at best.

Is it ideal to leave kids that age alone? No. Is it the worst thing in the world - also no.

I hope your conversation with them later is productive. It's only harmful if you just fuck off without context and overly blame them. Conversations framed as, "I love you both so much but the level of friction between you and the atmosphere it creates in the house is unacceptable and completely overwhelming. You are both old enough to do better, and it can't be nice for either of you, either, so we need some strategies to get along better because this pattern of behaviour ends now. Let's have your ideas."

Whenever I asked my son for input on how I should discipline him or what chores he should do, he always went further than I would have done. They can parent themselves, if you let them. ;-)

If your situation is the same, are you saying you still haven’t forgiven her for leaving you for a few minutes peace when you had a strop? You need to get a grip. And I say that as someone who grew up in care. You clearly have no idea what abandonment is and your reply to the OP comparing this to life-changing child abandonment has actually really annoyed me!

I think there’s something to be said and to be recognised for OP being on her own.

We tag in and out a lot. A lot. My partner went downstairs during a tough bedtime last week and said “do not let him follow me.”

That option isn’t there when you’ve got two bickering kids and absolutely nobody to give you that break you need.

My DM done this twice two, no cars, out in the rain. It did not leave any long lasting impact or upset. I got it even then, she was overwhelmed, she’s human.
She had everything of us constantly squabbling.
The bad news it didn’t stop us for long.

I don’t think you were being unreasonable at all. Sometimes removing yourself from a situation for a short while when you’re overwhelmed is far better than staying there until you completely lose your temper. You recognised you’d reached your limit, took yourself away for a bit, calmed down and then went home.
You didn’t abandon your kids — you drove round the corner because you needed a few minutes away from the constant arguing. Parents are human too, and sometimes you just need to remove yourself from the situation.

I’m not saying she shouldn’t leave them hone alone whilst she pops to the shops! I’m saying don’t storm out like a child! If my kids stormed out of a room in a mood I’d call them out on their behaviour!

The fact that nothing happened in the half an hour the OP left the house is irrelevant. Kids have done all sorts of silly shit in five minutes of being alone. Everyone has to make their own decisions though and I’m hoping that this might be a kind of wake up call that the OPs not coping, and maybe she needs to take some more time out for herself or sign one of the kids up to a club.

Just cheerleading a parent for downing tools and walking out isn’t really the solution though. I’ve done a few online parenting courses and they were helpful. They can be arranged through the local family support worker which is organised through the council.

Couldn't you have gone into the back garden to cool down? I get the needing to walk away, it's the driving away in the car I feel uncomfortable with (my son is slightly younger than your youngest, maybe if he was older I'd see it less of a problem).

Go back obviously.

😂
Yes I have adult children who have all grown to be well adjusted individuals finding their way in the world and people who meet them frequently tell me they are a credit to me so there.
Also I never terrified my DC so yes of course i would go over the same boundaries time and again that's parenting.
What I actually said was that if you terrify (again not my word) a person, large or small, heck even an animal they will avoid the thing that caused the terrifying experience. It's how anxiety and phobia starts, Its how the brain works in order to protect itself.

If you were old enough to understand your mums actions were wrong enough in order to never forgive your mum for walking out, then you were old enough to understand why she did it imo. You showed enough logic and comprehension skills. And yet you both didn't change your behaviour despite being terrified.

Honestly, terrified children don't tend to keep doing the same thing over and over. A small child being bitten by a dog, for example, tends to be frightened and keep away from dogs in the future.

If your mum's behaviour was always screaming, shouting, locking you in alone etc then yes, it could be something more, but you never said any of that in your original post.

Well done OP.
They need to grow the hell up. Arguing about a flannel is pathetic. No treats or fun today. They are in charge of helping you.

Then you know that no law has been broken.
It was a short time.
No harm was incurred.
No harm was likely to be caused.
The children are of an age where it is normal to build up periods of independence in and out of the home.

Was it ideal? No. But a frustrated mum removing herself is better than staying in the situation and potentially losing more control of her emotions.

She's gone back and calmly addressed the situation, and more pragmatically than she would have done by staying stressed.

I will quote what you typed that’s still here for all to see

”you cannot leave a younger child in the care of an older child until they are 14”

You wrote that.

You typed that actual literal rubbish.

Because it’s not true.

You quoted the guidelines (not law’) I linked to that doesn’t even mention 14 years of age. It’s 16. Not even the 18 you’re now trying to claim.

Just admit you disagree with OPs actions (absolutely your prerogative ) and then tried to back it up by falsely claiming laws and guidance that doesn’t exist.

That unfortunately many of us here know is untrue as we work in this field.

Above poster is right. If a child told us this we’d ring home and log on CPOMs.