Just walked out on kids

Good for you

All over and done with, kids were fine days ago.

Kids are infuriating. Go back home, say “Right are you two going to behave now?”
and carry on.
My mother (the sweetest, most even-tempered person ever) used to yell “I’m going to bang your two heads together if you don’t pack it in!” to me and my sister on a regular basis!
Kids fight - yell at them to stop and if they don’t, shut yourself off somewhere in peace.

Never forgiven her? WTF? 🙈 you need some real trauma, that’ll show you how mild her doing that actually was.

You've done nothing wrong. All you did was used a coping mechanism.
Carry on. X
These vipers and others who see themselves as perfect parents...bet their kids have a different view.. are not your friends.

9 and 12?
Wow reading the replies you’d think they were little.

12 would be about year 8? And while 9 is young I have an 8 about to be 9 and a 10 year old and the 10 year old has been walking herself to and from school every day since she was 9, goes to the local shop or both girls walk down the road to the park with scooters, presumably these children especially the secondary school child who will be a teenager come her birthday is alone sometimes for half an hour?
Would they not call if they were worried?

OP you have not committed child abuse.

Absolutely!
The idea that at 9 and 12 the children didn't know what was going on and were wondering if their mum was ever coming back is ludicrous.
A 12 year old is Year 8 at Secondary school fgs!

Stop being silly. The children were 9 and 12, not 0 and 3. And how they would have interpreted her leaving is based on their long-term relationship with OP, which is clearly good and rooted in love and trust.

If you work with kids (I do too btw) and you still don't understand these basic facts or seem to think 9 and 12 year olds are too stupid to clearly perceive the situation, or that they are akin to babies who don't yet understand object permanence, then perhaps you should pay better attention to the children you work with.

Humans interpret each others' actions based on prior experience and the already established relationship. Children begin this from very early on. That's why children react very differently to a mother walking out of the room in the "Strange Situation" test. You can already spot a securely attached child from 9 months. Clearly the children understood the situation based on a good relationship with their mum and no harm was done.

Can we please stop all the nonsensical pearl-clutching on this thread?

I worked for years with children, and while OP’s frustration was certainly undeniable, her behavior was wrong. Fine to remove yourself in some way, but not to leave the children wondering if you’ll ever come back.

Yes exactly this.

I think a lot of the division on this thread is because people are talking about vastly different scenarios.

Scenario 1: Saying “Right kids, Mum’s head is dinging - Im going to take 30 minutes to clear my head and get a coffee and hope youve made up by the time Im back” = good emotional regulation. No/negligible risk to children.

Scenario 2: Yelling “I can’t stand this! Im leaving - look what youve driven me too” and storming out leaving the children uncertain when/if youll return = poor emotional regulation. Still minimal physical risk to children but higher risk of psychological damage.

None of us know where on this spectrum OP’s scenario sits. But even if closer to the latter, it doesnt mean she’s not a great mother. It’s just one isolated incident of less-than-great parenting.

My disquiet was specifically directed to certain posters who seemed to be promoting scenario 2 type behaviour as normal and even desirable (with comments that it would have effectively cowed the children and they deserved it and should understand the consequences of annoying their mum). This suggested that other posters (NOT the OP) were using fear of abandonment as a shock parenting technique when they lose their cool. I firmly believe this is very wrong and does damage children.

It is very clear to me that OP is a good mum who had a one-off blip (as we all have had at some point, I suspect). And - especially given her eldest is 12 and its never happened before - it is not something to ruminate on.

so wrong you couldn't BE any more wrong.

This is demonstrating that when you're overwhelmed, removing yourself to calm down, and then coming back and dealing with a situation calmly is the correct way to handle it.

Self regulating is one of the most important lessons we can teach our children and as a youth mental health first aider it is one of our most vital tools to teach.

With perfect kids who are only perfect because the parents are perfect and round and round we go

Actually, I wasn't referring to you at all with any of my comments, I hadn't actually read your posts when I wrote that. OP felt a need in one of their posts to state that they had no mental health issues which in turn suggested someone implied she had.

There are a lot of "perfect mums" on here who never get angry, always do the right thing and sit in judgment on others. They do come across "holier than thou".

I'm sorry if you thought this post was about you, I can assure you that it really wasn't.

Almost the same as the "hyperbolic nonsense" telling the OP she has been emotionally abusive and that her children have been permanently damaged by her behaviour you mean?

Speaking as one of the people who has been vocal against walking out on your kids I certainly do not think I’m Mother Theresa, nor am I nasty, I have never suggested the OP is the ‘worst mother’ and I’ve no idea where the assertion of anyone believing anyone is mentally ill has come from. It’s just more hyperbolic nonsense.

And the poster isn't saying anyone said that is she?
She's saying people BELIEVE that which is evident in the various holier-than -thou and blaming posts on this thread.

And if anyone has ever worked in any capacity with young children they would know that this doesn't in any way compare to the many genuine cases of abuse and neglect out there.

As a pp said, the pearl clutching on this thread is something else.

I have similar age kids and understand OP!
Hopefully this will shock them a bit into behaving.
Dont worry about them being alone, theyre not toddlers fgs, the pearl clutching on this thread!
When you speak to them let them know how much it upsets you. Mine only ‘get it’ after I’ve got upset. They get caught up in their squabbling and don’t realise the impact it has on their lovely mum.

Love all these perfect parents 🙄

There are nasty people on this site who genuinely believe they're Mother Theresa and that you are the worst mother, mentally unstable and everything else.

literally nobody said that!!!! 🤦🏼‍♀️

Can you access parenting courses for support in managing your kids behaviour? And counselling as support for yourself?

Ignore all the shitty comments OP.
Clearly all the 'perfect' and emotionally balanced parents are online atm 🙄
You snapped and temporarily removed yourself from the situation. Your children are 9 and 12, not 2 and 5 ffs! Oh and SS wouldn't be interested in this BTW. They actually have real cases of abuse to deal with......
Reflect on it and make a plan as to how you can perhaps prevent it from escalating to this level in the future.
You are a good mum.

Why are you giving them “warning after warning,” as you say? One warning and then follow through with a consequence. If you are consistent with that, it’ll help.

And leaving was wrong whether it harmed your children or not.

You haven't done anything wrong. There you go.

There are nasty people on this site who genuinely believe they're Mother Theresa and that you are the worst mother, mentally unstable and everything else.

You're not! Kids can be brats and sometimes they need to know they're brats in order for them to re-evaluate and become better members of society. "There, there, Peter share nicely" when they're being little s**theads and constantly bickeirng doesn't work.

At 9 and 12 they're old enough to be left for half an hour or so and if it calms you down and gives them a different perspective then it's good.

Don't beat yourself up or indeed let some of of the nasty posters tell you you were wrong, you really weren't.