DP has changed his mind about wanting kids.

I had my DC at 38, you have plenty of time. Get rid of this lying twat of a bloke, you will be just fine.

A close friend of mine was engaged to someone and ended it when she was 37. Then met someone else she really loved and they had a baby when she was 39. They are really happy.

It’s far from too late for you

This sounds so heartbreaking for you to have come this far and to have been told this.

I'd recommend not moving in together, it's now make or break time. At least he's told you now and not in a few months or years time.

Obviously having your own child is a deal breaker for you and I have no doubt you would regret it if you didn't have the opportunity to have your own children.

Have you had a discussion with him about this? Since he dropped the bombshell?

Sounds very much like it is time for you to move on, as lovely as he is, he just can't give you the life that you want.

I left a relationship at 32 where I was with a man that I loved very much but whose family values did not align with my own. I was scared as well because we had been discussing children and if I left I had to start over.

After a while I started dating again, and in my case I was more strict about only dating someone who aligned with what I wanted for the future.

I just had my first baby with DP at 36. It’s a little later than I would have wanted, and we might have to rush it for baby number two, but my family dream came true.

I see now that it wouldn’t have worked with my ex-partner, I would be a single mom by now, with a VERY difficult coparenting relationship as well. I did love him very much, but we were not compatible at all.

edit: typo

But if the OP is wanting to live with, marry and then have a blended family with this man surely she needs to get to know and be involved with his kids?
Different if she was just dating him with no plans to marry or become step mum to his kids.

Almost everyone I know has had their first child after 32 - it is very common nowadays. Also, a lot of women don't find their partner until they're in their 30s. Don't stick with this man just because you're scared you won't find anyone else.

You have another good ten years at least to meet someone new and start a family. You will be okay 💕

Someone did something similar to me at around 32 and I had known fertility problems so waiting for a new relationship and being settled and then trying for a baby before 35 would have been a huge problem so I used that as the impetus to leave and start again. I was unsuccessful at getting pregnant due to underlying fertility issues (not age) so in the end I embarked upon a single adopter journey.

DS is now 20 and I have never for a nano second regretted my decision. I would have regretted being child free (foisted upon me by someone else) far more than I regretted giving up the previous man.

I now have a partner and DS is heading off to university and I'm heartily glad I made the decision to take the short term pain for the long term gain.

I just wonder - if he is prepared to make you give up the joys of being a parent that he experienced, is he really the person you think you love. People who love you don't behave that way.

If you gave only been together 2 years and don't live together, why is he involving you in his kids' visits? I don't mean to be rude but why are you there? They haven't come to see you and you can be elsewhere in your home, you don't need to be in another room. And if you are there why is he expecting you to be parenting? A day out or something fun together I get, not saying you should never see them, but helping with their homework - he is taking the piss.

That absolute clarity of mind is far rarer than you think it is. Have you not read the many threads on here from women who are unsure if they want kids at all, or another kid if they already have one or two, or another kid with a new partner, etc etc etc?

Almost everyone I know has dithered and been uncertain about it at some point.

It's really bizarre to have to turn this normal situation into a blame game.

You’re confused by that? Don’t be so disingenuous. He’s a lazy bastard who wants OP to do his parenting. His criticism of her was based on her being a woman, because woman = free childcare in his world.

Going through a breakup in your late 20s is the scariest thing ever. Everyone keeps saying how you’re still so young but you don’t feel it. It happened to me and being 27 back in my mums box room whilst all my friends were getting engaged/married/pregnant was horrific. I also had the same thought process as you. Okay I need a year to get over it, then I’ll probs need to date for a year to find someone, then we will have to be going out a few years before engagement, etc etc and I thought I might end up missing my chance at everything.
Anyway, I met the love of my life 6 months later, and 2 years since the breakup we live together, have a dog, are planning on getting engaged next year, and I’ve never been so happy and excited about my future. I promise you’ll be okay OP!!!

My niece was single at 29 moaning about all the crap men on dating apps. Then ahe met a lovely guy. She’s 33 now with a 1yr old & planning their wedding next year!

He’s a father so knows what it entails. And as little as a couple of weeks ago they were discussing their plans for children quite clearly. And now mere weeks later, he has suddenly “changed his mind”?

Pull the other one! He lied to get OP.

you’re too young for this. Don’t move in with him. Have kids with someone else.

I am the first to call out men for crap behaviour and, blimey, you hear about enough of it on MN, but I think the reactions to this man are unfair.
He is being honest now, before the OP has got pregnant or had his child, and while she is young enough to get away.

Surely if his plan was for her to just care for his kids so he doesn't have to, he would keep stringing her along with false promises or maybe even have a child with her but then let her bring all of them up pretty much single handedly?

True, many men would wait. He could be thinking ahead about the impact of moving out again on his own children, so he’s testing the OP’s resolve and commitment.

29 is still plenty of time to find your special person and settle down. I had my son at 37 (I decided about children in my mid thirties and was definitely not ready in my early 30’s, even though I met my DH when I was 18). You don’t really want to wait past 35yo to start trying for kids though, imo, especially if you fancy having 2.

I’m just thankful that your partner told you before he cemented his arrangement with marriage. I’ve read plenty of posts from other women who have been future-faked about kids until they were in their late 30’s/mid forties.

So many of us on here OP have made poor decisions on the fathers of our children and have ‘repented at leisure.’ I love that you have been given a second chance. Forgive yourself, accept 50% responsibility for your part in the past two years (to heal) and don’t look back. Block, shield yourself in boundaries, ignore. He’s not part of what’s to come. I’m visualising your confident, bright and positive future. His honesty has set you free X

Why assume they're pretending rather than genuinely not knowing, or genuinely changing their minds?

If he wanted help with the kids then why would he tell the OP he has changed his mind about kids BEFORE she has moved in.

OP I had my first at 32, I now feel that was comparatively young given the stages my friends are at now…! You won’t feel old.

Several women I know had given up on dating in despair before marrying lovely men through friends or family or work. I don’t get the appeal of trying it on with strangers. When you’re ready, let people know you’re looking.

That would assume he was being honest about wanting children with OP at the beginning. My point was that men in this situation often pretend they want more children at the start of the relationship even if they don’t.

But he literally hasn't been dishonest? He's told her he's changed his mind which is... honesty, not dishonesty.

Looks like your DP wants to foist the hard work of raising his DC onto you! Time to move on & find a childless man who wants kids. Don’t waste your time on this man unless you’re happy to sacrifice having your own family. It won’t end well.