DP has changed his mind about wanting kids.

Walk away. I've had two colleagues in the last few years who has future faking partners (with no SDC). One I still work with & it breaks my heart to hear her still say 'when' at 40. They have been married 15 years. Both were married & their DH's promised but always had an excuse to move the goal further away. I ran into the other a couple of years ago, she's now late 40's and it never happened.

My SIL demanded it (has two SDC) & it broke their marriage. They ended up back together but she does everything. Her DH b*tched when she broke her leg & he had to drive their DS to his activity once a week.

So you need to be free of being a nanny & find a childless man to enjoy a relationship, wedding and kids. No spare parts necessary.

You love him enough , he doesn’t love you enough. You are SO young. Ditch him and move on. Don’t become a stepmother for his children and forgo your hopes of becoming a mum!

You’re 29! You’ve got plenty of time. My partner left me when I was in my 30s. He got someone else pregnant when we were trying for a baby. I was devastated. Took me 5 years to even date again. I had my first baby with new man when I was 42.

I’m not suggesting you take quite as long as I did to date again! But you don’t need to put a timetable to your future plans. Don’t think ‘I have to date for a year and be engaged for 2 years before I get married and have a baby’. Just leave this CF and start dating again.

It may not feel like it now but you have dodged a bullet. He’s 10 years older than you. That age gap will feel much bigger the older you get. Find someone around your own age who hasn’t had kids yet. Enjoy having a baby with someone where it’s ’the First’ for both of you.

Find your anger! How dare he expect you to act as mother, teacher and nanny to his children but refuse to have a child with you. Unbelievable! Tell him to jog on. And MEAN IT! He’ll keep coming back saying he’s on the fence, wasting your time.

Rip the plaster off. Move on. Life WILL be better without him. I actually don’t believe his 2nd child was unplanned either. He’s being incredibly disrespectful to the mother of his children. You do know that that’s how he’ll treat you if you have a baby don’t you?

Run! Run as fast as you can!

He wants you to be more involved by taking over his duties as their actual father. Their homework is his job, spending time with them is his job.

Look you are young and he thinks you’ll be his nanny. Just leave, you can have a future with someone who hasn’t already got kids and actually wants them too.

Also date men your own age, and try not to have children before marriage, if you do make sure you are personally financially solid and able to manage entirely on your own if need be.

Yes - I had my first at 33yrs old.

It may not feel like it right now, but this is a blessing. He told you BEFORE you moved in together, he told you BEFORE you married him. For that, he's done the right thing.

I think you should break up with him and move on. He's wanting you to step up to play mum to his children by the sounds of it (most men with children from previous partners do), I can see why you'd resent that whilst he denies you your own children.

You're still young enough to start over with someone else, without children and preferably with a smaller age gap - then you'll be in similar stages of life.

I met my DH completely unexpectedly, after I'd ended my first marriage, thinking I'd never have children. You never know what's around the corner, so don't go getting stressed that you'll remain childless.

I don't think he is the man you thought he was, he has been critical of you as a 'step parent' but most of all he has led you on.
Don't compromise on such a massive potential part of your life-which you can do alone should you choose to do so.
He seems untrustworthy.
You are still young.

I’m so sorry - he’s future faked you. He knew you wanted kids so made you believe he did too to get you on the hook and reel you in. He needed a partner who likes kids because step 2 was to get you to take over the parenting of his existing children. Step 3 was move you in and voila - he has his nanny with a fanny. He’s only revealed now that he “might” not want more kids and is saying he’s on the fence because he realises you will leave if he says 100% no. Don’t move in with him - he’s likely the sort that would get a secret vasectomy.

You are worried about how long it will take to meet someone and be in a position to have kids with them - but if you stay with this man, you will NEVER have your own children. It will hurt to end it now, but not as much as if you wait in the hope he will change his mind. 29 is a great age to start looking for someone new, many men are starting to mature at that age and actually think about. Evening a father. Consider how old your DP was when he had his children!

Find a man without children - don’t play second fiddle to someone else’s. Ask yourself which you would regret more - staying with someone and definitely not having your own children or leaving him now, being hurt for a few months, then having the opportunity to look for a man who will want a family with you (or worse case go it alone with IVF). One way there’s a risk you end up childless, but the other you are guaranteed to end up childless.

Sorry to be so harsh, but I think you need to hear the harsh reality so you don’t get suckered in due to feelings of love.

I met my husband when I was 29. Married at 32 and first child at 33. My best friend met her husband at 32 and is pregnant with her first child at 38.

You’re still in your prime - why settle for someone who, as you say, is expecting you to help raise his kids but won’t have any with you. End it.

I met my DH when I was 34. We were engaged 10 weeks after our first date. Had my first baby at 36. Had twins at 37 1/2 and another set at almost 39 almost 40. There are good men out there that want a commitment and a family. I was sure that by being that age I would marry someone divorced with children but somehow I got extremely lucky. Unmarried and childless which was not really important but made starting a family less stressful.

A college friend of mine didn't marry until she was 38 and went on to have two children. She's now a happy grandmother. The average age of first time mothers has been rising for many years and is now nearly 30, which means there are lots of 30-something first time mothers. My mother was 30 when she had me just after the war and went on to have 3 more children. Lots of time for you, OP.

This is a deal breaker !
you’re so young. You’ll find a childless man your own age to have children with.
i had my first baby at 35 and my last baby at 44!

I divorced at 29 with no children. I had my child just before I turned 35.

There are plenty of men your age that do not come with the complications of step-children.

Most people in my peer group didn’t even think about having children until their 30s. Many had first children in their 40s. We are in our 50s now so that trend has only grown.

Sounds like you never argue because he just lies when you won't like his point of view

You need to choose. Him or a family.

Tbf i think hes been decent in so far as hes realised he doesnt want more baby years and said BEFORE you moved in.

So now baring that in mind what do you want?

Sorry OP but theres no alternative than a choice of what you want more

Oh and just to add, my ex strung me along for 15 fucking years saying that we would eventually start a family..... the cunt then changed his mind.
Luckily I was able to conceive at 42 with my lovely husband but I very nearly missed the boat!

Ah OP you know what you need to do. At least you hadn’t actually moved in together or joint finances/got married (although that’s stings at the moment it will be a great relief in the future. I had my first at 35, second at 37 and I am by no means the oldest mum at the school gates.

You still have time. It’s okay. And… you don’t need to follow the traditional timeline of two years then engagement then wedding then baby.

@stepparenthelp
every day you stay

your giving away your fertility

every single day. It’s why it’s called a biological clock

don’t give it away to a man who was trying to do that to you

don’t be sad
be angry and relieved

angry cos he’s future faked you
relived because he ain’t smart enough to keep up the lie

This!!!!

Trust me OP, 29 is sooo young.

I had my first baby at 35 and I was average in my friend group.
i have 3 xx

Good old bait and switch

Do not waste another ovulation cycle on this deadbeat of a man!
He may well tell you he now wants children with you when he realises its a deal breaker but will string you along for years to come so that he keeps his 'nanny with a fanny' only to tell you that hes changed his mind again!
Run for the hills and save your eggs for a loving, decent man!

You’re not an idiot ❤️

Don't beat yourself up OP. But do move on asap.

And when you tell him you are breaking up be prepared for him to say that ok he will consider having children. All that will do is waste another 5 or more years of your life before he finally says no. you are so so young - you don't need this shit.