Avoid In-laws because of jokes about my appearance

Get a tshirt made up for the next occasion in their company with a phrase of your choosing on it… but something like “Yes, I’m 5’0”. Is that all you’ve got?”
#GrowUp #StopBullying #NeverFunny #Pathetic

See if that gets the message across? Any further jokes just say “Yeah you can stop it with the height jokes now, it’s not funny and I’ve had enough of it.”

Is 5 ft that short? The national average for a woman in the UK is only 5 ft 3. I’d avoid them too, they sound moronic.

Oh dear, you sound like you think thinks are funny that are in truth really rude and ignorant.

I think people feel they can joke about height in a way they can’t about being overweight because being short or tall isn’t generally considered something to be ashamed of. Tall people get fed up with tall jokes too. I’m short and if I get teased about it I don’t mind as I don’t see it as an insult just their clumsy way of trying to be funny. I can see how it would get wearing if it is all the time though.

You’ve got some options:
-Let it go and ignore it or have a stock phrase ‘well all the best things come in small packages’ ‘I’m not short you’re just over tall’

-Challenge it - ‘Actually I find it quite insulting that you keep making jokes about my appearance. I’d like you to stop please.’
If it comes up again ‘I’ve told you before that I don’t like it when you make jokes about my height/ appearance, if you do it again I will leave’ and then if it comes up again ‘I told you I don’t like jokes like that, I’m not happy to stay in a place where you continue to treat me like this’ and leave.

-Insult the joke ‘I see the jokes haven’t gotten any better since we last came’ or ‘you need to update your material, I think everyones heard that joke quite a few times now’

I don’t think this is one of those things that is significant enough to deliberately distance from family. You hear of people going no or low contact with family for all sorts of reasons but to me to break that family bond it would have to be something very significant.

Ten years is way over the top.
It may have been mildly amusing the first time, but to continue suggests to me thay are really stupid or pig ignorant.

It's not relevant.
Her in-laws are plain rude.

Oh dear, you do sound like you're missing a sense of humour.
At under 5 foot I get jokes and comments but I just laugh and actually if they're good jokes why not. But I don't care and I don't feel short so why would I care what jokes others make? Better than not trying to engage with you isn't it? If I was ginger I'd expect to get relentlessly teased for that and that wouldn't bother me either.
Are you in UK? Cos you don't sound like it

I would cut contact. When they ask why, tell them. Naturally they will huff that you are being 'over sensitive' or it's 'just banter' etc. Make it very very clear that you are sick of it and as a result no longer wish to be in their company.

Forget your manners and etiquette and just tell them that you know you are petite , that they are being rude making jokes about it. You are beyond bored with their stupid comments and well into hurt territory. It needs to stop.

Tell them there's nothing wrong with being short, being offensive is a different matter.

Also 5 foot. I remember once when I was about 18 and much to my Dads embarrassment me very loudly saying to a friend of his: if I was grossly obese would you comment, no, why not? Oh cos it’s rude is it..

the short comments don’t really bother me anymore, a few years ago my DS very factually told me I’m probably shrinking now I’m old 😂

I’m 5’8”… if it’s of any consolation I hate being tall. I’ve spent my whole life being too big. My feet are too big, I feel like I tower over people… etc. I’d love to be a nice petite 5’!

It would annoy me too. Look you don’t have to put up with it. I would ask my DH to say something and if they keep at it I would likely reduce my time around them too.

Why are you so obsessed with my height?

You make that comment every time I see you. Do you think we ought to get you booked for a memory test?

After 10 years, I don’t know how you can still find repeating the same comments funny. It wasn’t funny the first time.

Repeat that comment again slowly so you can understand how ridiculous it sounds.

Would you like me to comment on your body each time I see you? No? Stop commenting on mine then or I might start returning the favour.

I feel for you. I would also have expected it to die down and would be in exactly your position now. Do whatever feels right for you, and if that's avoiding them, I'm sure your DH will understand.

Call it out every time. Dont laugh. Dont shy away.

Examples

Thats mean.

Your comments about my height are unsolicited.

im not sure what you gain from going on about my height.

Im still 5ft - your comments are still mean.

Not a good example to set for the children.

I'm your height OP people make comments, but not usually rude ones like your in laws are doing to you. I would absolutely have to respond though, and at the very moment they said it to me. I would say, (whilst looking them straight in the eye) well, yes, some people are indeed petite, some are fat, some are ugly, that's life, what can you do? I actually love being petite. Then look at the overweight MIL and wait for an answer to see if she says she likes being fat!

God I wish I could be that brave 🤣

I agree with PP - you need to develop the balls. Practise and learn more assertiveness and your children will then learn it from you.

I’m all in favour of DHs managing the comms with their own families rather than wives being the default social secretaries but these are comments directly from them to you and DH’s hints have failed.

At some point you need to ask them what they find so funny about endless tedious carping about your height and do they not consider personal comments to be rude? You are also free not to visit them and let them know why.

What would you say to your family or friends if they made these comments? Or even a colleague? Its a mistake to assume in laws will be besties - some will, some won’t - but its equally a mistake to privilege them above family and friends.

Id tell them that its rude to comment on someone's looks. If he continues id return him back home and tell SIL exactly why.

If anything is said just tell them not to say it as you don’t like it and don’t find it funny

My mother in law ( nasty cow) used to call me Liz McDonald - I’m from south manchester and look Italian ( so nothing like Liz) so she couldn’t even get her accents right. I asked her to stop which she did until we were in Company when she cranked up again with her little joke ( all her jokes were at someone else’s expense). She thought I wouldn’t pick her up on it in Company - it was a power play. I calmly and firmly told her in front of everyone that we’d discussed this and she’d agreed to stop doing it and I’m asking her again in case her memory is lapsing to not do it again. It made the atmosphere really awkward but that was not of my doing or cause. She didn’t do it again ( to my face) I know it went on behind my back.

@butterfly245
They just sound like bullies!
Probably due to their own insecurities, they’re trying to get in first so to speak.
Id just say “Better short and sweet, than mean!”

I’m the same height and never had anyone say I’m short to my face! So that tells me it a them being tude problem. I’d tell them every time, that’s not nice, it kinda hurts my feelings! They should stop.

I’d nip it in the bud from the get go with the teenager. First time any comment about height just say “ in this family we consider any nasty comments on appearance to be bullying, therefore whilst you are our guest please show respect