Avoid In-laws because of jokes about my appearance

Yes that’s very good actually!

its not the OP's height that is the problem or why she is getting upset IMO (oh and its not "getting worked up" that's minimising) Its the constant bullying personal comments, the height is just the hook they hang the bullying on.

Listen I think you should fight fire with fire. I am slim (just slim, not skinny), and my MIL is overweight. For ages, every time I saw her she would comment on how ‘skinny’ I was, and quiz me on my diet and exercise habits. Eventually I said to her that if she keeps talking about my weight, then I’ll start talking about hers. That was the last I heard of that.

They got defensive because they were called out on it. As all bullies do.

quite frankly you need to stand up for yourself (pun not intended). If the kid says something, you should calmly be clear that if you made a negative comment about their appearance that it is highly likely that they would not like it, as you do not like the observations about your height. Even those with the highest levels of self esteem would be impacted by the continuous comments and observations.

maybe you should have the balls to say the heels/cunt thing, they deserve it and as grown adults should know better.

“I know, I know, I’m short, you’re fat, what a couple of freaks we must be MiL if others need to comment on my shortness and your fatness all the time! Don’t you wish they’d keep their comments to themselves or do you not mind?”.

i would just say in response - ‘boring. Are you that stupid that you cant think of anything funnier or more intelligent to say’.

Not very fair to do that to the child without warning, as they've been brought up to think this is normal behaviour.

So DH needs to issue the warning. Good opportunity to make the point. In a group message to all the family.

"By the way, you're all the the habit of bullying Butterfly about her height and passing it off as a joke, so your DC may be under the impression that this is acceptable behaviour. Obviously it isn't, and your DC will be on the first bus/train home if they try it in our house. Please make sure they know this, to avoid misunderstandings."

I would take a deep breath and say:
”I’ve thought you were incredibly rude for so many years but DH says you really love this kind of ‘banter’, so here goes… SIL you’re like the sun, painful to look at. FIL your hairline goes so far back I studied it in history books. And MIL I was going to make a joke about your chin but I couldn’t choose which one” and then smile and pass the peas.

Ad another small person, I don’t think it is an odd thing to get worked up about. People think they’re free to comment on height all the time - why do people think it’s funny?? Family, friends and strangers do it to me all the time and it’s boring and wearing. Wonder how it would go down if you picked on someone or poked fun at someone for their skin colour, or if they were fat or thin, or bald - that would go down like a lead balloon, why is height any different - they’re all characteristics. I feel your pain OP, I’d be fuming and would need to read the riot act.

I also wanted to know how tall OP was because I was thinking not much bigger than a Polly pocket with 10 years worth of “jokes” about it. To discover I’m only a little bit taller knocked the wind out my sails.

10 years rehashing a short joke. How dull.

if it was me I would be a stern adult with the children, tell them that the jokes are not funny and ask them how they would like it if the way they look was made fun of. With the adults, I'd lose my shit big time and then say the next "joke" would see me leave and that would be that. Plain fact is that they are bullies.

But they’re not showing love by taking the piss out of each other here are they? They’re being really shitty to one person and there seem to have been several half hearted attempts to stop it. And somehow, one of them has been invited to the family home where they might have another go.

And others who are saying ‘yes I’m also five feet tall, my friends and I love to take the piss out of each other too’ - that is not like OPs situation at all.

This sounds like my family this is how we show love we take the piss out of each other. But if you're upset by it and they know this then its not ok

DH needs to tell them that you don’t want to come because you feel targeted by their “ jokes “ about your height. Has he pointed this out before? You’ve said that the one you mentioned it to has stopped, but is it possible that the others don’t realise it’s an issue? Maybe they are the sort of people who talk to each other like this.

Next time they do it, give them a long hard stare, to the point it becomes awkward, then say, very matter of factly, “ I’m going to ask you this one last time, please stop commenting about my height, it upsets me. If it happens again I’ll walk out”

Don't engage with any “oh it’s just a joke comments” and make sure if they do it again, you walk out. Bet you only have to do it once.

Maybe next time they try it, look them up and down very carefully and say, 'If you don't understand why I don't find this funny, but find it tiresome and insulting, are you okay if I start making endless comments about your physical appearance? Can I make a comment about you every time you make a comment about me?'

If they are overweight, I bet that would shut them up. I had a friend who started mocking the size of my boobs, so I made a comment about her crooked tooth. She was so upset and outraged, but I pointed out, it's not one rule for her and one for me. She stopped mocking me then.

Don't stoop to their level

Take the moral high ground

If you laugh along, they may not realise how strongly you feel. So you need to make it v clear

"I find it upsetting when you tease me about my height. Please can you stop doing that?" Say this every single time

If they say "Oh it's just a joke", you reply "Well I don't find it funny. It upsets me". Every single time

And if they persist, stop socialising with them and let them know that's the reason

OP’s in laws is that you?

Jeez they wouldn't know where to start in my family, we range from.4 "10 to 5"3.

Your dh needs to deal with this. Now.

It’s really not is it ? They sound insufferable.

I'm 5 ft nearly 1 inch ! I would just say thanks I can wear heels but you can't fix rude and ugly can you . Nobody has ever commented on my height my nan was 4 ft 10 my mum 4 ft 11 . Hubby and both kids are 6 footers

How or why is that relevant ?

I would have asked exactly how they did mean it, if not as how you took it. You need to hold their feet to the fire and make them explain why they find this so hilarious despite knowing that it’s at your expense every single time, that it’s fucking tiresome and you don’t like it. Mature adults have mostly left humour like this behind a long time ago at the school gates - ask them why they haven’t.

If you don’t want to actually call them rude you could turn it round to them anyway. You could ask, ‘ you seem very preoccupied with my appearance, is that because you’re worried about yours? What is it? Is there a problem? We should talk it through?’

Or actually ask them in a neutral manner, ‘sorry I didn’t catch that, what was that comment?’ People don’t always want to repeat rude remarks. If they do repeat ask what about my height is so amusing to you? And then just let them squirm (hopefully). If they don’t back down then you could bring out the big guns and say, I’ve always found it’s a bit rude to talk about people’s appearance. I’m sure you wouldn’t want me to critique things about you.

My FIL always used to pull my leg in an unkind manner. When he died and my brother in law tried it I’d had enough. I just said to him it was bad enough when Jim did it I’m not going to take from you now. It stopped!

It's pathetic and rude.