AIBU to worry a new baby could affect my daughter?

I love my dad and he has been the best father ever. My bio ‘father’ was abusive to my mum (which apparently I witnessed) but luckily she had the guts to leave (rarer in the 70s when it happened) There were no other partners in the picture to come into my life luckily. I think that was part of it - I assumed he wouldn’t love me like he would love a bio child if he had his own (and in fact plenty of people on MN seem to think that is the case!).

I am ND and my thinking, even as a small child, was more logical than emotional so that might have contributed. I never wanted a half sibling and even now I would not be convinced that I would be anything other than second best.

I also wasn’t a little girl that liked dolls, babies etc, so it held no appeal!

I had a five-year gap. The one thing I would advise, for your sake and your eldest's sake, is make sure when the baby comes you still get times when someone takes the BABY away so you can have time with your firstborn. Because everyone around you will assume they're helping by taking away the older child. And yes, you will miss them, and be hormonal, and need the reassurance of you eldest -- as will your eldest. At least that's what I found!

My daughter was 5 when my son was born. It's the absolute best ! It's such a great age that they are fully aware of what going on and can be hands on and helpful. I think it will be great for her

Are they full or half siblings? I think it can make a difference

I’m sure your daughter would be fine. But I wouldn’t have a baby with someone who wasn’t 100% on board.

i was in a similar situation although still with her dad but me and her did everything together. Her brother was born in March and she was 6 in April.

We still do a lot and just tag her little brother with us. She loves him now as his smiling and laughing at her. She didn’t think he liked her because he only smiled at me 🤣 we saved really hard and we’ve had a great six weeks holiday.

its not all sunshine’s and there has been difficult times but she has transitioned well

Explain what, sorry?(It’s 2am and my brain isn’t at its best 🤣)

Ok sorry, I read your earlier comment “he’s not desperate to have bio kids, never has been.” and interpreted this as a degree of ambivalence on his part.

My DS was 13 when his brother(half brother) was born. Long story short , it was the best thing I did for him in his words giving him a brother. They are best friends . He even volunteered to pick him up from school and they have an amazing relationship. His relationship with his stepfather did not change and he never felt he was treated differently. Like others have said , it could go either way but then again, even full siblings could have face the same issues. Goodluck OP.

You almost owe an existence to the thought-baby - you sound like a brilliant mum. Mine were 3.5 years apart and yesterday they were building an IKEA flat pack together amidst peals of laughter. It’s priceless. Go for it.

This. Many people have one child because they want to focus all their energy and time on a child and that's fine.

But I do think you're over thinking the impact this will have on your child. Yes there will be a period of adjustment that happens when a child, but she'll adapt to it just like everyone else does.

There are millions of people around the world who are born younger siblings and automatically don't have their parents full energy, focus and time and this isn't a bad thing having to share your parents attention. In fact there's only children out there who said they found being their parents only focus suffocating and a lot of pressure. And of course those that loved being their parents only focus!

I'm one of 3, my sibling was 4 when me and my twin came. He coped absolutely fine and wasn't traumatised and we were all close growing up. My husband is 6 years older than his sibling and they are the best of friends to this day.

This is absolute madness. I'd love to see some statistics on this. Most studies show there isn't an optimal or ideal age gap and that children are not automatically negatively effected because they are 5 years older than their sibling 🙄.

My husband is nearly 6 years older than his sibling. Did they argue when they were younger. Of course but so do all siblings. They are the best friends now and have been since they were teens, his brother is a beloved uncle to our children, his children much loved cousins. We go on holidays as a family and my husband and his brother are close confidants and a support to each other.

My cousins have a half sibling who is respectively 10 and 12 years older than them. My step cousin has always been close to them and they are very close family.

I also have various friends who have age gaps over 5 years with their siblings. Absolutely none of them are these traumatised, unhappy children you make them out to be and they have close sibling bonds in adulthood.

I would never have children with multiple dads. When my relationship split up, I was done. It was unthinkable to me to have more children.

On the contrary, I think it would be very beneficial for your daughter to have a sibling. You are very close but right now she's the center of the universe. You can be equally close to her but it's very useful for her development to learn that she's not the center of the universe and that other people matter as well. Some parents with one child manages this but I have seen some horrible exemples of entitled asocial children without siblings which is probably why I think that 2 children is perfect. With 2 you can tend to their needs and they get to have a sibling to love and fight for space with.

It does make sense. I think I saved ds1 from my intense helicopter parenting by having ds2. Only yesterday he said that the person he loves the most in the world is his little brother. They are 16 and 13.