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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to knock her head off ?

233 replies

DallazMajor · 19/08/2026 11:19

Myself and my children’s father seperated over 10 years ago. We are since divorced. He is in a relationship (prob started whilst we were married tbh).

Im not entirely sure when this started but for the but last 5 years at least his new partner has started to slag me off in front of my kids. For context I took voluntary redundancy 7 years ago it came at a convenient time as I was very unwell after a coercive controlling relationship. I already had mental health issues and the abuse sent me into psychosis. He was mentally, physically and sexually abusive. Since then I’ve not worked (I’ve also been caring for my eldery parents and my 2 teenagers). I’ve continually had episodes of severe breakdowns, psychosis and blackouts.
I am constantly on the edge of my nerves, my mum passed away in January and my dad is very difficult to deal with. In retrospect he was very abusive toward my mum and this has also really affected me.

I digress. My exes partner has been slating me. Saying I’m making it all up, I’m fraudulently claiming benefits. I’ve spent all my children’s savings on holidays (none of which is true). She can say and think what she likes but NOT to my children. My children are older now (21 & 18) and they have confided that this has been an ongoing issue but if they ever said anything to their dad he took his partners side and told them off.

Not only this but in the last 4 years I’ve been excluded from stuff because of her. Previously (because me and the ex were completely amicable) we used to celebrate the kids birthdays and Christmas as a family. Including his partner. I used to welcome them into my home put on food etc. Both sets of grandparents would be there. It was for the kids benefit and there was no issue as far as I was concerned.

All this has stopped now and it’s a pita and a shame as my kids recently had big birthdays and it was all made awkward. (Ex husband came to my house to drop presents and pick up kids and his partner sat outside in the car scowling and texting him to hurry up). Honestly it’s just ridiculous.

Ive spoke to the ex husband about it. He’s a wet lettuce and does nothing about it.

Would I be unreasonable to knock her fkn head off. (Joke). But what would you do? Anything ? Nothing ?

Also ex mil thinks the sun shines out of my arse which winds the new partner up. The ex mil has been told that it’s me causing the issues! Should I write her a letter and put her straight ?

TIA and sorry for the length of this post !

OP posts:
Shatteredallthetimelately · 19/08/2026 11:39

Your DC are old enough to make a decision as to whether they want to stop seeing/speaking to your Ex and his DP if they continue to slate you, it's not something they are forced to do.

nightowlzzz · 19/08/2026 11:38

If they were 11 and 8 it would be more of an issue. At 21 and 18? I'd let it go. They're old enough to see the situation for what it is.

SamuraiSally · 19/08/2026 11:38

I wonder what their side of this story would be 🤔

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 19/08/2026 11:38

Unfortunately you cannot knock her head off because that would make your situation much worse - but I understand why you want to and she’d deserve it. You need to have a vent to someone you trust in real life, AIBU is not a kind and sympathetic place.

My mum and dad had an amicable split and it was lovely that we spent family Christmas and birthdays together, so I feel for you and your kids losing that. That really sucks, but I don’t think this is a good place to vent. You should go out with a mate, get a pint/coffee/whatever and have a good rage and bitch to get it out your system.

MyArtfulGreySloth · 19/08/2026 11:38

I think you need to move on OP. It’s been years, she’s not his “new partner”, she’s his partner.

Besidemyselfwithworry · 19/08/2026 11:37

KilkennyCats · 19/08/2026 11:35

Why are you still so enmeshed with your ex? Your kids are grown up, leave them to manage their relationships with their Dad without your input.

This
not your circus not your monkeys
leave them to get on and focus on yourself

KilkennyCats · 19/08/2026 11:35

Why are you still so enmeshed with your ex? Your kids are grown up, leave them to manage their relationships with their Dad without your input.

Anothercake · 19/08/2026 11:33

Your kids are adults so surely they'd be doing their own thing anyway for birthdays? It's weird to continue to do things as a family when you aren't one.

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