AIBU to knock her head off ?

Maybe your kids really need to start spending much less time with their dad. He doesn't sound like a good father.. I would not want my kids , who like yours , are adults, to be with their dad if he " bollocked " them. How can they still enjoy going round to see him?

Unless your children believe the things she says about you, who cares?
What other people think of you is none of your business. Haven't you got much bigger issues to deal.with?

"He was mentally, physically and sexually abusive"

How were you then completely amicable with him? I saw my ex who was like this last week as I needed him to sign some paperwork and I was shaking the whole time.

I said this early on OP, as have many others but you keep doubling down. Your life is your life, your ex and his partner's life are theirs. Your kids are adults, it's up to them to deal with it without running to you and telling tales on her when they know it upsets you, tell them you're done and don't want to hear it.

Try to look at it a different way. If she knew you felt this way (and with what you've revealed on this thread, if she reads it she can probably take a guess it's you) she'd be rubbing her hands to know she'd "got" to you.

Don't give her the satisfaction. Grey rock her and for fuck's sake LET IT GO.

Edited for SPAG.

Your ex's DP is never going to stop slating you to your DC, they keep going back for more and she keeps giving.

If they want contact with their dad it's going to have to be somewhere away from her or not at all, shouldn't be like that but their dad sounds like he gives no shits what gets said.

Being annoyed is understandable, especially when the children are upset.

Confronting ex or his wife clearly won’t help.

It would probably be helpful for your children to agree some phrases that they can both use on repeat at their father’s house about not wanting to have a conversation about their mother with dad and stepmum. If dad ‘bollocks them’ , then again it would help for them to be pre-prepared with a calm response ( e.g. we’ve come to visit and spend time with you, not listen to you telling lies about our mother).

Perhaps the wife is deliberately trying to upset and anger you. Perhaps she is trying to drive a wedge between the children and their father. The children are adults, and though they obviously should not be expected to be the most mature people in the family they need to have tools to deal with a pretty challenging family dynamic. Have they had therapy, given that they were witnesses to the effects of the abuse you faced?

I don't mind disagreement, but we probably need to use the right words.

Again,why are your children still visiting then?

I read all your updates, that’s why I came to my conclusion about deflecting.

They’ll have to accept that this is a condition of spending time with their Dad, then, if they choose to continue.
That’s the only real choice they have, because expecting you to get in the middle of it is nonsense and you really need to stop.

And they know it, so no harm to you there.

You say the only issue is that it upsets them hearing it, and they're adults so they have to be the ones to advocate. They need to tell her they won't listen to it and then follow through; leave the room, the house, refuse any contact if she insists on slagging off their mum every time she sees them.

She shouldn't be saying anything bad about you in front of your kids that much Is true. However with psychosis I imagine it has very much messed up your child's growing up. People with this illness do tell lies and live in delusions, many have their kids taken off them because they cant take care of them. It's a very serious mental condition. I hope you are in a good place now op but I don't belive it was all daisy's and roses when these episodes were happening and the exs girlfriend probably has put up with a lot of shit.

OP this person is entitled to her opinions. She is entitled to express them. Your children -18 and 21 - have to learn to accept that people can have opinions. And they have to accept that people can express their opinions. We listen, ignore and move on..I honestly think you need to chill.

If she was going to take you to court I can see why it would be upsetting. She might be jealous of what she thought you and ex had together, who knows. Your children, and you, can cope with this. You really can..

But if she's spreading lies why don't your kids ignore everything she says ? Surely they can think for themselves by now .

@CatLady199 they are 18 and 21. Son and daughter, can't remember which is which age.

Your ex blocked the kids ? I don't follow this. And I don't know why either of them is repeating the comments from his new girlfriend to you. I would let your kids know that you don't want to know what she is saying about you. Why give it any space in your head ? You don't like her, you think she says lies, your kids are on your side so you don't need to know what she's been waffling on about.

🤣 who do you think you are ?!

I appreciate this sounds harsh but I speak from personal experience.
Are you sure you are not deflecting onto her your own guilt about how your choices affected your children.
You have referred to this woman as a lunatic and abusive towards your children’s father and how this will have impacted your children, but you yourself were in a seriously abusive relationship that affected your ability to work and had a very severe ongoing impact on your mental health.
it’s much easier to fixate on this woman and her alleged comments and behaviour - which tbh you can’t really explain have any significant impact on anything now other than being annoying, than to consider events closer to home.
Maybe this is something to work through with your therapist.

Why was your comment deleted? Was it because you're being extremely aggressive?