AIBU to let my nephew stay with us in holidays?

He's not a child for god's sake.
He's left home.
Should his mum remain single all her life?

I agree with this.

It's disappointing to her that she's not ending up with her son and partner in the same home, but he's an adult, away most of the time and has been spending more time away from any family anyway. He's beyond the age where she has parental responsibility for where he lives.

It's good that he feels secure enough to see living with OP as an option.

He needs to respect his mum's telationship. He's away at uni and she deserves happiness. He is not 5:years old

I wouldn't fall out with my sister and put him up.
He's needs to get over his mum having a partner. He might one day.

I would say yes.
Taking on board he is a good kid and you aren't financially massively worse off and he is respectful.

Depending on how long he has left at uni it might be another issue but I am on the side that I would worry about that further down the line.

She is being awful by forcing him to stay with her or not come home. By cutting off his options to stay with other family…I feel like this is quite obvious.

If she wants to move someone in, fine, totally up to her, but to have her son be unable to stay with a family member if he doesn’t want to come home is unfair

He's an adult he can do what he likes. Her own fault for putting a man before her kids.

Yes I'd do this, and point out to your sister that he's more likely to keep contact with her at your house than if he just stays at university or goes to a friend's house.

Or you can just date. Nothing wrong with a relationship itself

She has made her choice, he has made his. She needs to butt out of influencing his choice

At 20 he could easily have his own home and life and not stay over anyway.

He's 20. And she's right in that he may never have a strong relationship with his mum and new partner if he doesn't move in, but frankly if he's choosing to live alone instead, that ship has sailed.

Excellent answer.

Which he is trying to do but it appears what his mother wants is more important

He's stated why he doesn't want to go home. If he's told his mother that as well, she needs to accept it. He probably won't feel that way forever. She needs to come to terms with the fact that her adult son is making decisions for himself.

You are doing a good thing by letting him be at home with you and yours.

“Moving men into his space”??
Have we time travelled back to the 50s when it was frowned upon for a single mother to have a relationship?!
He is 20, she is entitled to have her partner move in and equally he is entitled to not live at home and live elsewhere!

This, is it just this man he thinks his mum shouldn’t be with, or is it any man?

Why shouldn’t he live/stay with you?!
Hes an adult, its his choice to come home or not, he’s not given his Mum an ultimatum, he’s just made arrangements that work for him.
His Mum doesn’t get to dictate where her adult son lives!

I think a lot depends on why he doesn't want to go home. He could be a brat who doesn't think his mum is entitled to her own life and is trying to manipulate her into ditching her partner. Or he could be a perfectly reasonable young man who thinks the partner is problematic in some way. Or something in between. My own feelings would vary depending on the situation.

No, her moving men into his space is what is putting strain on the relationship
Yes he is an adult but he still wants a place to come home to in the holidays

I think this is tricky if it's not because he doesn't like the partner just that he doesn't know him. I think my approach would change depending on if there are genuine concerns about the partner, or if he just doesn't like the fact his mum has moved on and is effectively sulking about her relationship. If it's the latter, the situation isn't going to resolve itself if he doesn't at least try and get to know the partner.

So I'd maybe let him move in but on the basis that he genuinely attempts to resolve this long term and make a an effort to see his mum and also get to know the partner. Avoiding your mum's house forever because you won't get to know her partner is not really a solution.

Also you need to have an eye on what happens after uni, is he likely to walk straight into a graduate job with a house share etc or is he likely to want to move back home while he looks for work / has a temporary job. As this can take quite a while. So just be careful about setting a precedent for the years after uni

I would definitely do this for any of my 3 young adult nephews.

What is the problem he has with his mother's boyfriend? Is it a personality clash? Is there something you should be aware of? Does he not want to see his mother move on with her life now her sons are grown up? As the couple have been together for 5 years your nephew must have got to know him a little.

You sound like a great Aunty, but I would be cautious. It's s a fine line between being supportive and pandering. What about his Father, is he still in his life? Let him stay for now, don't agree to a permanent stay. Encourage him to work with his mother to solve this.

OP, try speaking to your sister again - help her see that your nephew staying with you is the best chance she has at having a good relationship with him and him building a relationship with her partner (assuming he is a good man). There will be no pressure of shared quarters but easier for casual meet ups or midweek dinners than if he stayed at uni. Your nephew is an adult and she can’t force his hand, if he at any point feels he has no other choice than to move in with her against his will he will just resent her and her partner more. If I were you, I would support your nephew and help your sister rebuild their relationship.

There is no reason he cant stay with you, he is not a child he can make his own decision

I'm much closer to some of my siblings' children than to my siblings. If their children wanted a place to stay, I would always say yes.