AIBU to refuse regular Sunday evening childcare for my daughter?

Some people certainly seem to think so, don't they?

Selfish?! Wow. Entitled somewhat!

You seriously think someone with health issues and a full time job who doesn't want to give up their routine or go to bed later than they normally would is selfish? Did you actually read the OP? Even without the work, routine and health issues, it is ridiculous to describe someone as selfish for not wanting to babysit someone else's children. 3 children under 4 is bloody hard work!

Sounds like you do what you are able to do. It it's too much then I would hope your daughter understands that.
It's not unreasonable to say no to things that you would struggle to do.

should people be embarrassed about having health issues/disabilities nowadays?

I think it is your choice, and you should not be pressured into it if you dont want to. I hate this i do for you if you do for me mentality.

You made the right decision for you. However a little flexibility might be worth exploring...

I would probably have said that I would initially do once a month but not every other Sunday and see how I feel with that then increase if everything was okay.

I envy you living so close to your daughter and grandchildren!

What’s vile about it? OP might have health issues but she works and is clearly quite capable if paying for help - which is exactly what she should be doing instead of relying on the parents of 2yo twins to chauffeur her about and cut her lawn.

No judgement of you

But I would do this for my daughter without a second’s hesitation in the scenarios you outline

Just a different point of view...

They want to play (mixed doubles) tennis at a certain place and time. It doesn't work for you.

Could they find some other option (different time/place) where they can still do the thing they want but at s time and day that works for you all? Perhaps have a conversation around that so it isn't a no to all options, just to the option currently suggested. Compromise by all and solution.

For those saying 8 hours sleep is "enough" - very simplistic if you consider reality... Not many people get to bed, close their eyes and are in deep sleep immediately until the time to wake. Sleep takes time. The OP gets to decide when they go to bed, how tired they are and how much sleep they need to function. Only they know their limits and needs around sleep and everything else.

OP you could trial it and even offer one sit per month without feeling guilty or not. If you communicate that you want to help but can't do the time suggested, surely that's the better - sustainable - option?

Could you have a nap on Sunday afternoon beforehand?

Agree to a trial and if it’s too much, offer to pay for a babysitter instead.

The agreement is that OP has them one Saturday night every other month, she’s not watching them weekly.

But if DGD doesn’t sleep that is in no way your fault. Her DPs have decided they want to go to an activity on a school night, they are the ones to face the consequences. Maybe after a few weeks they will decide it’s not worth it.

No she doesn’t have them every week - she has them to sleep over every other month. Six times a year.

The difference here is OP already receives lots of free help from her daughter and SIL - so they’re not unreasonable to want some help from her in return.

Presumably they are not mowing her grass or dropping her at an appointment while normally sleeping.

OP does watch the children weekly. Not sure where you’ve gotten the idea that she’s only the receiver of favors and never on the giving end already.

Yes, I think you’re being unreasonable. I think you should have at least offered to trial it for 2 months…

Given the cost of everything these days, couples can’t afford regular babysitters and to go out. Life is expensive.

On top of that, they help you out regularly by the sounds of it.

Maybe it’s the same reason OP can’t pay a teenager to cut her lawn.

I would do it tbh and I’m not keen in the idea of looking after kids fullstop. They are helping you out with stuff, this is a few hours of babysitting every other weekend. If the kids don’t go down they don’t go down. It’s basically supervising bedtime.

I would give it a go. I would also get a little robot lawn over so they don’t need to mow your lawn.

Probably the same reason OP can’t pay a teenager to cut her grass or pay for a taxi.

It's up to you. But when they also don't want to do things for you then you can understand.

Why can't they get a babysitter? It's an ideal little job for a responsible teenager.

Ability or not with doing things depends more on health than age. 🤷‍♀️

Yes you need to try it.. tbh I think you’re sounding like you’ve lost confidence in yourself because your daughter and her hubby do so much for you. You have mobility issues yes but you’re well enough to work and have your grandchildren stay over. It might actually help you. Plus if the kids regularly dont settle then the parents will have to rethink their plans but you can’t not try..

This puts the “AIBU to not want grandchildren?” thread from yesterday into perspective 🤣

i don’t think you are being U OP.