AIBU to refuse regular Sunday evening childcare for my daughter?

Because it is entitled daughters posting that suck their mothers dry obviously. I hope they all feel guilty when their Mum’s die that they never got a break. I hope when they are Grandparents and they realise they’re still working and exhausted what we were trying to tell them. They’re acting like it’s a privilege to look after people THEIR WHOLE LIFE. No wonder so many women chuck themselves in a river in the middle of the night or run off with a toyboy from Turkey 😂

She already helps her out lol. She has 3 young children sleeping over at her house on a semi regular basis! That’s a mad level of help and hard work.

But she already does some childcare. Does she have to do more and more and more and more to be worthy enough for lifts to very necessary hospital appointments which aren’t comparable to the want of tennis?

Why can’t what she does now be enough?

No, it's called give and take. If one doesn't drive, needs lifts at 62 and has health issues that will not change so you do what you can when you can so when you can't it's ok.

How many times on mn do we see posters resentful of having to help their ageing frail parents out because they were always so reluctant to assist when younger?

Which sounds exactly like holding it over her head.

Not held over her head but lifts do tend to be an ongoing thing not the odd one off. She's only 62 if she needs assistance now I'd guess will be more in 10 years so best to get in some good deeds imo.

But OP already helps her daughter. Or should it always be held over OP’s head that she needs lifts to her hospital appointments?

Not someone, her daughter. Who helps the op out taking to appointments as she doesn't drive. Bit of give and take always a good idea.

I can’t even believe that so many people think a woman in her 60’s who has raised her children and still works should give up her relaxing time so someone can do an activity with their spouse. How about they consider alone time before having 3 kids. I would have cut the grass with my teeth to get alone time every week!

Playing tennis isn’t the same at all as hospital appointments.

They take OP to hospital appointments and OP already offers ad hoc childcare for work purposes.

It’s not entitled to ask, it’s entitled to expect. Have we really reached a stage where it’s entitled just to ask for help?

When are you starting this Op?

I agree it's peak Mumsnet but it has also shown the really significant number of posters who don't think mums/grans are people in their own right. It's so easy to volunteer other people's time.

It's been interesting to watch it evolve tbh.

You don't know that she asked rather than them offering.

It's a rural place in a thinly populated part of the UK. It's probably much quicker to get to the hospital

I wouldn't ask my mum to do a regular babysitting gig for social reasons!

This thread is peak Mumsnet. The entirely reasonable op has amicably and happily sorted this with her entirely reasonable DD 4 days ago.

And yet it's still rumbling on very dramatically 10 pages later with people putting their own crazy spin on the situation and jumping to all kinds of daft conclusions about the op and/or her daughter.

It's crazy that such a normal and mundane family interaction has inspired such over the top reactions from some.

There's people and there's people. I expected that I and DH would massively reduce our couple and hobby time post kids. However one of my DMs good friends got stuck with her near newborn grandchild when her DD expected to be able to continue to go for a planned anniversary spa break. This poor woman did two days and was up the entire night between with a baby that didn't settle. Me and DM thought it was entitled as fuck though.

She’s carrying the guilt of saying no now. Who on earth has kids and thinks they can do a regular Sunday night activity as a couple together 😂? No one I know, it’s laughable. I wouldn’t have even asked. It’s entirely for their own pleasure at OP’s detriment. You’re tired at 62, just working is tiring. Everyone I know has a chilled Sunday, especially at that age, it’s called Monday fear for a reason, it’s not made up for goodness sake. iMO it’s completely entitled to ask and in your opinion it isn’t.

They just “asked”. That doesn’t make them entitled.

In the same way the OP has asked for lifts to hospital (where she could have got cabs) or to have her lawn cut (get a local gardener). And her daughter and SIL could rightly said no.

It’s laughable to me that this couple even feel entitled to ask for childcare so they can do a regular activity together on a Sunday night.

Get a grip. Absurdity.

Well exactly. I know very few if any DPs that enjoyed joint weekly hobbies when they had young DCs.

I wasn't specifically talking about op, I was addressing the person who originally said there's no regard for the efforts made in looking after your own children if you don't then look after grandchildren. Looking after your own children is bare minimum, what accolades are required?

parenting struggles? They just want to play tennis. OP already covers childcare for a break and ad hoc for work etc.

It's the bare minimum a child should be able to expect. A child should be able to expect your absolute best efforts at absolutely all times when they are a child. That's bare minimum. The sacrifices etc parents make to raise children is an expected effort. I'm not saying you make bare minimum effort I'm saying your absolute best effort is the bare minimum your child should expect

It’s not bare minimum that most of us gave.