AIBU to feel hurt after my stepdaughter was edited out?

YANBU. For me, it would be a relationship breaker. I have a step son but I have had him in my life since 1, lived with since 2, he is now 15. Hasn't seen his biological mother in 10 years. Thankfully my close family see him so much as mine, my mum even forgot last year as mentioned something about our families ethnicity to him and he had to remind her that it wasn't his!!!

I did have some extended family send my biological son presents for Christmas when he was born, I thanked them but explained I had 2 children and although grateful, if they couldn't send both presents, then we would rather receive none!

I was cut out of a photo with my mum and half siblings to be given as a gift to my stepdad (not my my mum) and he was the man who raised me from 7 years old. It hurt!

Some people just don't get it. My in laws could never understand me, taking on a child and treating him as my own when we had no biological connection and treated their step grandchildren as very different! I got so much critism. Made no sense. Would they prefer I singled him out? They could never get their head around it.

I tried! I’m on the app and can’t figure it out. Any ideas on how to do it?

thank you.

Gosh! It means that SDS realised, after this photo, that she was not a blood relative? And prior to that she did not realise it? How awful. You can pretend that your stepdaughter is the same to you as your biological children, but you can only keep up this game until a kidney donation is required and you have to choose between your biological and stepchildren (hypothetical scenario) or until there is only one parachute left, or until there is only one space left on the raft after Titanic goes down.
Thankfully, grandparents don't have to pretend because they had zero say in all your blended families, so I would leave them out of it. If they feel like having a photo with whomever they want, allow them. QEII was not bollocked when she released a photo of herself, Charles, William and George - I don't remember Charlotte and Louis howling and saying they felt excluded.

you can just go back to the poll and click on the alternative option @DropEmOut

It would upset me

But one photo in the whole scheme of life... Nah. Day to day help and support is more important than one picture.

If day to day is a problem.then that would upset me. A picture for the fake social media...no.

Oof that is really quite rude. No child step or other has to be in every photo but to edit her out? Not nice.

I'm surprised at OP's Mum posting photos of children on line. It's not safe.

But as regards editing OP's step daughter out of family photos: that's just plain nasty.

This is always such a difficult thing to navigate.

My sister had x 3 step children.

Had a photoshoot with all the children when she had a baby.

My Mum didn’t want a photo up in her house of the 4 children. She wanted a solo photo of her grandchild.

Was she mean for wanting that?

My sister has now split with the father of the 4 children and hadn’t seen any of the step children since.

Yes, could it be this?

If it's the issue of being related, you haven't married your partner so their child is not your stepdaughter. Also, you see her as part of your family, but that doesn't mean your mother sees her as a grandchild.

So she just wanted one photo of her actual grandchildren? I don't see the issue.

What do you mean by “online”. Is that Facebook or something similar? I wouldn’t want my children’s pictures online. Is it that her mum hasn’t consented.

but yes still awful.

She wanted a picture with her grandchildren. Speak to her. You don't live close, so has there been time for any bonds to form? Also you aren't married? You aren't her Stepmother. I have treated two children in my family as blood relatives/grandchildren, to never see them again, when the relationship ended, or we had a slight falling out. I wouldn't do it again. It sounds as those she is recognised as your step DD and included at times.

Did one of her parents object to posting her photo online? Or maybe your mother realised that posting pix of an unrelated child online is a really bad idea.

I would not post my own kids' pix, much less unrelated ones.

Disappointment would be understandable but I think hurt is a bit extreme.

If this has come as a surprise to you, which it sounds like it has, then it shows that your DSD is treated the same as the grandchildren when you are all together. That shows that your Mum has been kind and inclusive but despite that, you can’t expect her to see your DSD as the same as her biological grandchildren.

Parents who create blended families need to accept that not everyone will see things the same as they do. Your mum
has done nothing wrong and it is unfair to make her feel guilty for wanting a photo with her real grandchildren. Your DSD has her own grandparents.

If your mum values her relationship with you and her step-grandaughter, she needs to understand how she is jeopardising it by doing something like this.

Unless she did it because of the didn'r-have-her-mum's-permission thing.

I’ve voted wrong- so sorry for skewing the votes.

utterly awful. Your poor SD

well the step daughter isn't blood. so yes in some photo's it's not appropriate to include her.

That’s really mean. Different situation but I still remember when I was about 10/11 my stepdads mum, who I called nan and had known since I was tiny, introduced myself & my two “cousins” to a friend of hers - she said “these are my two grandchildren and this is my son’s wife’s daughter”. It was factual of course but I remember feeling sad at the realisation that she actually didn’t consider me a grandchild and felt a bit silly that i’d been calling her nan for all those years.

The bigger issue is posting pictures of children on the Internet.

This is a lovely way of looking at it. I hope I feel like this if I become a grandmother

What a lovely way of looking at the families.

Well at least the editing took place after the photo was taken, not what used to happen with my eldest, they used to distract her so they could take photos with the DNA crew.