AIBU to feel hurt after my stepdaughter was edited out?

Very cruel. I would question this and feel deeply hurt.

“Played polite” with a child she has known for 11 years, and sees regularly. What kind of batshittery is that?

My nephew has a partner who has a daughter who is 5. They have an 18 month old son together. It wouldn’t occur to me to crop her out of a photo because she “isn’t blood”.

Adopted children also have biological mothers and maternal grandparents.
This is a CHILD who has been in ops life since she was 4. It’s not “different” at all.

If you read MN you realise that people come and go in all families. Just look at the threads with estranged families and no contact, happens all the time in lots of families.
If you count out legality and the potential for break up you’d never love anyone because love is always a risk. If you are going to take a risk on love it should be for children who have been brought into these situations. When adults start prioritising and hardening their heart it makes it harder for everyone.

Thank you for your help! I will do that now

Because some of us have learnt that only legal matters.

Some of us grew up in step families. Some of us saw family members come and go due to marriages. It hardens hearts when people you love or thought where family poof gone because a marriage breaks down.

ah ok, it's the app that's definitely the issue.

You'd have to close the app and open the Mumsnet website using a mobile or desktop browser. (if you'd like to) 😊

Your comparison doesn’t work.

The child in this situation has her own mother and her own maternal grandparents.

it’s completely different.

It is hurtful. I can understand her having different photos, like you would at a big wedding, but to actually delete a child from a photo is just horrid.

I would have to say something to her about it and tell her that you found it hurtful to see the photo on SM with SD obviously missing. It is just so weird. Don't listen to anyone who says you can't be hurt by this - if they wouldn't be then that's fine. I'd be hurt too.

I wasn’t thinking about the legalities, I was thinking if a child had been in my life since she was 4 and my child loved and cared for them then I’d love her. Because love is like that, it grows and spreads and the more people you love the better the world is and that counts double for children. A photo with me surrounded by children I love is love.

But if you want to count out love in legality and blood you do that. Bloody sad though.

Totally with you OP. That's cold. You'll get loads of nasty replies saying it's fine as they're not blood/marriage etc. I thought this shit died out in the 90's but people can be v dark.

I had a similar experience. It was a horrible realisation that the world contained hierarchies, of which I sat very far down. I think it was my major shift in my sense of self which became so embedded.

What nasty, spiteful, disgusting thing to do! 😡 I would be furious if someone did that to any SC of mine.

She didn't have to post it on social media though!

As an adopted child at 6 months the genetic thing is pretty offensive.
But I always thought I was part of the family until at 30 when my Gran left her assets to her two sons (one being my Dad) with the provisio it was only past down from them to her 'real' grandchildren. Which wasn't me of course.
I can sort of see this though. Step children often disappear if relationships break down and one picture with just bio grandchildren isn't unreasonable. Cropping out probably a bit too blunt though. The bottom line is she isn't her grandchild, she's a child that came with the partner you chose. It is different.

Jesus, some of these replies! I’d be utterly furious and beyond disappointed if any of my family did this to my SC. And they absolutely wouldn’t. If they did, I’d jettison them from my life faster than you can say “horrible twat”.

This argument is so so so fucking OLD.

An adopted child the parent has legal responsibilities and rights. A step child zero. Divorce or die. Never see a step again most likely.

Unreasonable in that SD is not your mum's biological daughter and your mum probably did not want to field questions about your SDs exact relationship to her on SM. Or there may be some other good reason why she did this. Have you asked?

Reasonable in that if your mum wanted a photo with only the biological kids, she should have taken one rather than edit SD out.

But ultimately SD has her own mother and maternal family, which your other children don't belong to.

Does SD follow your mother on social media?

What a horrible post.

No one is talking about kidneys or blood donors - this is about a child who’s going to feel unwanted. And a stepmum who loves her.

If the OP had adopted her children would it be ok to edit them out as they aren’t blood? Or would that be a fucking awful thing to do….

I’m sorry but she isn’t a grandchild.

They played polite by having the full photo taken for granny who then has the original and the edited version.

You picked to make a blended family the rest of the family did not.

I know she’s been in your life a long time but if you split up with her dad your family probably won’t ever see her again. Several examples of this happening already shared on this thread. It’s like putting a siblings new partner on the end of the line in a photo so you can crop them out if necessary.

Your mum wants one photo of just her grandchildren. She’s not pretending SD doesn’t exist or treating her cruelly. She just wants one single photo of her actual grandkids. She hasn’t done anything wrong.

Your mother treats your stepdaughter well, but she’s not her grandchild. You are being unreasonable to expect your mother to feel that way about her. You can be hurt, but your mother hasn’t done anything wrong by wanting a photo of just her grandchildren.

These threads make me so sad. I feel very fortunate that the stepparents who met me at 4 don't treat me the way some people's families treat little children. YANBU, OP.

Why should she need to discuss what she posts on social media with you if she already knows you don’t mind pictures of your children going up?