AIBU to prefer an all girls state secondary for my daughters?

I loved the one I went to. My daughter loves hers. I had a few friends have reservations about sending their kids but when they visited the school they immediately changed their minds. For our school it’s close to private education as you’re going to get in the state system. Most parents highly value the education there. Girls do better at STEM. Plus they also have some subjects that the mixed local schools don’t do like textiles and childcare. So a win all around.

But also for us one of the reasons we made the choice was just having more girls to be friends with. More choice of friendship groups. She has 29 girls in her form to make friends with rather than 14.

I was all girls from 8 so don't know any different, but am definitely happy about it. I wouldn't ever consider co-ed personally as I've heard so many horror stories which would have been completely inconceivable at my school. I also had no idea there were supposed to be 'boy subjects' and 'girl subjects' until well into adulthood as it was as normal for a girl to be into physics and maths as English and sociology. I've certainly never felt on the back foot dealing with males, and have had many male friends. I have also heard significantly more women say they are jealous I went to all girls' school, than women saying they wish they'd been to co-ed.

Mine are very happy at a girl's school. It does also perform better academically than the boys school and local mixed schools.

I also feel there is less pressure socially to "get a boyfriend". At the moment mine are not remotely interested in boys. I remember boys in my school commenting and laughing about each girl's chest size as we passed by in PE, also trying to look up skirts going up the stairs and similar, it was horrible and being a shy child I felt horrified by some of the things they did, and some of the girls sometimes showing off in front of boys and belittling other girls to them. So I am glad mine don't have to put up with that.

I know no school is perfect and there will always be problems in any school, but I would say it's the right choice of school for my DC.

I have taught in mixed comps and also single sex grammar. I went to a mixed comp. I chose mixed comp for my kids. I find this environment more relaxed, more representative of real life, and more fun. Although girls may perform better academically, it comes at too high a cost, and I didn't want my girls to think of school as an exam factory. I want them to enjoy their teenage hood and learn how to hold their own in any environment. I also want them to meet lots of wonderful boys, and not see boys as the enemy. I prefer teaching mixed groups too.

I loved going to an all girls secondary school, it felt like a safe, mature academic environment. Girls have been shown to do better in maths, sport and the sciences without boys around to dominate and overshadow them. Forget what they say about "bitchy girls" all schools have cliquey groups (male and female) just teach your girls so stay away from the popular types - every school has them.

However, i did grow up with two brothers and also hung around a lot with my male cousins and their male friends. I did find that some girls who didn't have brothers/male friends outside of school were a bit delayed in being able to relate to men later on at university, leading to either shyness.. or completely going off the rails 🫣😆 i don't want to put too much emphasis on this like it was huge problem tho.

Generally more positives than negatives. Just make sure they get used to socialising with boys and girls out of school, like a youth club or cadets, etc.

I am a teacher at a high performing all girls state school. Academically I find our girls are more confident in picking subjects and therefore thriving in subjects they may not have picked for being seen as too much of a masculine subject. But also girls are more willing to offer answers in lessons and dominate debate without boys there. There is less nervousness/ shyness and more confidence. We also find the girls stay “younger for longer” - examples- the girls like having picnics in their form rooms, or bringing in some crochet to do , or wearing a bag that is more child like eg Disney. That is quite nice to see to be honest. They can just be themselves.

Only thing that they do miss out on is boys - so when we take the girls on school trips and they see boys from another school , it’s like they’ve seen Johnny depp, quite embarrassing bless em!

I went to a girls school and found it very hard to make friends with boys/men then and in later years. We had no frame of reference for boys apart from “boyfriends” and it definitely affected me in a negative way. Partly becoming obsessed with boys and partly not knowing how to speak to them apart from to flirt. I feel really sad about it actually

Less objectifying and sexualisation of teenage girls

Yeah, good luck finding one

Very against girls schools based on personal experience. Went to a mixed secondary in year 7 and had a good experience overall. Moved to a girls school from year 8 due to moving area. The girls school was very cliquey, lots of bullying (not so much the physical kind but was horrible to endure). Then the main point why I'm against is when I went to sixth form college I felt boys were like an alien species and didn't know how to communicate with them at all, would completely freeze up, really affected my confidence. This school did quite well academically so I wouldn't say it was the academic side but more things around it.
I just don't think it is healthy as doesn't represent the real world and society as a whole. My old school is actually under subscribed now despite being high achieving and I think it's some of the above that's puts people off.

Advantages of all-girls
-no boys dominating lessons (they honestly do take over)
-they don’t have to grow up as quickly & can still ‘play’ at lunch early on in secondary
-less disruption
-girls can take on more of a leadership role in school
-no upskirting
-no nasty comments about weight/looks

I am not sure what advantage there is to being alongside boys.

It’s really stereotypical to say all girls are bitchy - it’s not really true.

What do your daughters think?

I have 3 girls, all now adults. I chose girls schools for all 3 and have no regrets. My daughters agree.

All girls schools make it easier to avoid gender stereotypes and for girls to study maths and science. So go for it.

It's all relative surely. I went to both an all girls (y7-9) and mixed (y9-11) and HATED the all girls school. It was so bitchy and bullying was rife as a result. Loved the mixed school, didn't want to leave. My impression of single sex schools made me explicitly against them for my own children, but my experience isn't the same for everyone. My sister went to the same girls school as me a few years earlier and had a brilliant time.

I’m also going to add that I don’t really know why a man thinks he would know better on this one…

I went to an all girls school and it was the best thing. We were able to develop into adults without being overshadowed by boys. We socialised with boys outside of school and were all normal in that respect but I’m so glad I didn’t have to go to school with them. I much prefer female company.
My friend went to a mixed school and was adamant she wanted her DD to go to one until she got a teaching job at an all girls school and changed her mind completely. Also my school was a state one - they are out there but sadly more rare these days.

I went to an all girls state secondary in the 1980s and I would highly recommend it.

As it happens I taught for 4 years in the 90s and I was horrified by the way the boys dominated classes, speaking over the girls and bringing the level down. You couldn’t get the girls to speak, and when they did they had so much more to contribute.

I feel really sorry about what my daughters have to put up with at mixed school - so much emphasis on makeup, short skirts and boys. There are half the number of girls to be friends with in the class so if you have friendship issues it’s much worse.
One boy actually called my daughter a bitch one day and she saw this as entirely normal.

I am just so glad I got the opportunity to
learn in peace without silly girls pandering to the boys and I notice that it gave me a pretty strong sense of my own right to be heard, earn money etc.

I would not have said this aged 18, but now I think it was the best thing.

Experienced secondary teacher here - I would send them to the all girls.

I went to a single sex comp in the 1980s. I had female teachers for science subjects etcetc. I did very well there. Would recommend.

Girls can still be 'rough' and violent but overall i think girls benefit.

I went to a state girls grammar.

If I had the choice I'd send my dds to a girls school, I think dds commonly do better in single sex environments.

I went to secondary school in London and single sex state schools are common here. I just went to my nearest comp and it was a girls school. It wasn't oversubscribed and it wasn't academically strong, it was just convenient and was OK with behaviour.

As a parent my dds go to an all girls prep and they will probably go to an all girls secondary (but probably private). I wasn't particularly keen on an all girls primary but in our area a lot of the best schools are single sex, and the academics are most important to me.

Personally as an adult female I don't relate well to men tbh but I don't know how much that is related to my schooling - I think it's part of my personality really and I would have been the same in a mixed school.

He says girls won’t be used to boys or know how to mix with them.
But girls don’t need to be taught how to mix with boys. If anything, it’s the other way around tbh! But that's not a girls responsibility.

Girls will spend much of their adult lives navigating a world where men still hold a disproportionate amount of power, influence and, let's face it, grim behaviour. Why not give them a confident start instead? Give them the experience of being listened to, being important, taking the lead and knowing what it feels like to be number one. Surely that has value?

I went to an all girls school and absolutely hated it, the girls were bitchy and cliquey and consequently when I started a mixed sixth form it took me ages to become comfortable around boys. That was just my own experience so I’m sure there’ll be lots more positive stories out there!

I teach in one, OP. From what the girls report back from college/later life, they are much more willing to speak up in lessons and are surprised by how quiet most of the girls from other schools are in discussions and lessons. I believe they make girls much more confident and able to stand up for themselves, something that I think helps women in general in navigating relationships with men.

There can be some interpersonal issues, but not more than in mixed schools in my experience. They meet boys outside of school in clubs and their local community. They're not locked away from boys forever!

I went to an all girls state secondary in the 90s so obviously things were different, no social media etc but it was great in retrospect, we never had any of the bitchy ness and bullying outside of what you’d expect with teenage girls and no boys to worry about.

it did make going to a mixed sixth form a challenge (my achool had no sixth form) but I am still very good friends with some of the boys I met there, so it’s not always guarantee it will make socialisation difficult.

on the point about no knowing any, there are actually very few in the north east. The only one County Durham was private and just closed. There are also some in Newcastle but if you lived here you wouldn’t necessarily know any if you didn’t look into it (I grew up down south where I lived in walking distance of two state girls schools and one selective but not fee paying catholic girls school) it is one of my regrets it’s not an option for my own daughters