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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say if you have something to ask me don’t demand a phone call?

190 replies

ScullyD · 17/08/2026 20:53

I’m wondering if this is a generational thing. Im a millennial, my dad’s in his 60s.

Today I submitted my thesis, I’m a mature student in early 30s. I’ve spent most of the day napping and I’m really exhausted. The last year has been very intense.

anyway I had a missed call from my dad tonight then he messaged and said ‘can you call me please, I want to ask you something.’ AIBU to think if you have something to ask then ask in a message? Obviously I’m frazzled having just finished a thesis and I don’t want to call anyone. Plus I have to work tomorrow. AIBU to find this very annoying?

OP posts:
LuckyHazelFox · 17/08/2026 22:35

blythet · 17/08/2026 22:34

Did you just write a thesis OP?

No but I think she just handed one in.

LuckyHazelFox · 17/08/2026 22:35

dogproblems1 · 17/08/2026 22:32

Wrong place to ask op as people here are closer to age than your dad so they don't get it. Younger generations are sick of everyone feeling entitled to access us at all times due to phones. I get it 100%

Phone calls drain my energy in a way that texts do not. When someone asks you something via text you can take your time to think before responding, instead of having to give an answer right away. Phone calls are exhausting

🙄 this gets more precious by the minute.

blythet · 17/08/2026 22:34

Did you just write a thesis OP?

dogproblems1 · 17/08/2026 22:32

Wrong place to ask op as people here are closer to age than your dad so they don't get it. Younger generations are sick of everyone feeling entitled to access us at all times due to phones. I get it 100%

Phone calls drain my energy in a way that texts do not. When someone asks you something via text you can take your time to think before responding, instead of having to give an answer right away. Phone calls are exhausting

Original poster
ScullyD · 17/08/2026 22:25

Nousernameideaaga · 17/08/2026 22:20

Sleep well ☺️

Well done on the Thesis , huge huge accomplishment!

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Thank you, thank you! Hopefully I’ll feel more reasonable in the morning.

OP posts:
Nousernameideaaga · 17/08/2026 22:20

ScullyD · 17/08/2026 22:17

Absolutely. And this is what it would have been like when my parents were my age too! Not always switched on and contactable.

i think I’ll try to sleep soon and give him a quick call tomorrow citing exhaustion. As I said we don’t have a great relationship lately so I suppose it’s about more than that.

anyway thanks for understanding replies! I can see this thread is now going to be made about the ‘name change fail’ unfortunately as I realise this like the last deadly sin.

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Sleep well ☺️

Well done on the Thesis , huge huge accomplishment!

Original poster
ScullyD · 17/08/2026 22:17

Nousernameideaaga · 17/08/2026 22:11

Not sure why all the arsehole responses

People are allowed to be tired and not want to immediately return calls

We weren’t meant to be this contactable every minute of every day , it’s dreadful for mental health.

Absolutely. And this is what it would have been like when my parents were my age too! Not always switched on and contactable.

i think I’ll try to sleep soon and give him a quick call tomorrow citing exhaustion. As I said we don’t have a great relationship lately so I suppose it’s about more than that.

anyway thanks for understanding replies! I can see this thread is now going to be made about the ‘name change fail’ unfortunately as I realise this like the last deadly sin.

OP posts:
Nousernameideaaga · 17/08/2026 22:16

TrugFullofLove · 17/08/2026 22:12

There's some kind of OP user name change fail happening here.

OP was @ScullyD

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Wow that’s probably the first time anyone’s ever changed their name on mumsnet then 😱

TrugFullofLove · 17/08/2026 22:12

LoisLaneKent · 17/08/2026 21:31

wasting my time? I've just finished a bloody thesis today. If I want to mess about on mumsnet I will.

Edited
Show quote history

There's some kind of OP user name change fail happening here.

OP was @ScullyD

Nousernameideaaga · 17/08/2026 22:11

Not sure why all the arsehole responses

People are allowed to be tired and not want to immediately return calls

We weren’t meant to be this contactable every minute of every day , it’s dreadful for mental health.

HoldMyWine · 17/08/2026 22:10

Massive name change fail.

blythet · 17/08/2026 22:10

ScullyD · 17/08/2026 21:03

To be honest I don’t want to talk tomorrow either. I’ll have a few hours to myself before I have to go to work.

I just want to go into a cave for a week. He knows my thesis was due now too. I find it selfish although as I say I recognise it could be a generational thing too as I also dislike calls,

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You’re exhausted. Want a week long break for yourself. Want to crawl into a cave as you’ve been under pressure/ stress.

im sure there have many times over the last 30 years that you’re parents have felt exactly the same while raising you. But they would’ve been there for you and given you any time or attention you needed (unless there is a massive drip feed coming). So I think the least you can do is have a 10 min chat.

if you do it tomorrow, just call and straight away say you’ve only got 10 mins as you have an appointment at x time. At least then you’ll know what it’s about and can call back for longer if the topic is worthy of your time

ERthree · 17/08/2026 22:06

Oh you poor poppet.

Tortephant · 17/08/2026 22:06

Kimmers4334 · 17/08/2026 21:35

My DP’s mum is a bit like this. All her messages are cryptic and I almost feel like they’re designed to either instill anxiety or confuse. She will call about things that aren’t particularly urgent or could’ve been a message. I don’t think she’s manipulative on purpose but she makes things more than they need to be

No, not speaking makes something out of nothing. It's much easier, kinder and sociable and empathetic to speak. Tone and nuance from a call don't allow for miscommunication or lack of understanding, they nurture deeper and stronger relationships and remove anxiety or confusion because you can actually discuss things, listen and respond in proper sentences.

HarryBlaster · 17/08/2026 22:04

I also find this annoying. It’s even more annoying at work. When a colleague sends me a Teams asking me to call them. No! You want to speak to me then you call me. I find it rude and annoying.

nam3c4ang3 · 17/08/2026 22:04

Ffs - don’t fucking call him then OP - so dramatic. Maybe he wants a chat. Maybe he’s got something to tell you and wants you to call back. Why so precious - it’s just your dad and a call.

heartsinvisiblefury · 17/08/2026 22:03

It's personal preference. I hate being called on the phone. You have a right to have a personal preference. I prefer texts as they mean I will reply when I want to and I'm not always 'on' if that makes sense. I'm with you OP. Others on this thread prefer calls. Good for them. But no one is right or wrong.

LuckyHazelFox · 17/08/2026 22:00

I also don't see where he "demanded" you call him, unless I've missed that in your OP.

NotsureifIwantsummertobeoverornot · 17/08/2026 21:59

ScullyD · 17/08/2026 21:11

Exactly I think I find the language manipulative. Another time it was to discuss something and then he told me ‘i had a bowel cancer test…big dramatic pause…..it’s clear’. Ffs.

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I feel sad for your dad. It sounds like he just wants to talk to you and about the things in his life, maybe doing the testing scared him

Tortephant · 17/08/2026 21:58

LoisLaneKent · 17/08/2026 21:43

I said earlier in the thread he's difficult. So there is a reason I feel this way. Jesus who mentioned cancer apart from you? It won't be that. Trust me.

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you did, in the second part of your original post. You 'virtually' tutted that he dare share the news with you he'd had a test and was calling to tell you it was clear.

I am horrified by your total lack of any empathy or thought for anyone other than yourself.

Pistachiocake · 17/08/2026 21:58

ScullyD · 17/08/2026 20:55

Also the last time he did this he then told me he’d been tested for bowel cancer, a big dramatic pause then said it was negative!

Understandably he might want to talk to you about this. It's a good thing, surely? Some (not all) of my older relatives just phone, and I'd quite like the fact he texts first as that gives you time to finish any urgent tasks, get yourself settled for a call etc.

MildlyMoist · 17/08/2026 21:57

Springtimeinsunshine · 17/08/2026 21:55

Have you name changed mid thread? I thought that was impossible now.

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Yes, it is, if you’re using the same account. OP must have joined the thread from a second account. Seems elaborate.

roycroppersshopper · 17/08/2026 21:56

Gosh young people today! Sheesh! 🙄😉 Fine OP that you're knackered, understandable. Maybe he's lonely though.

My DD (24) called my mobile today from a landline at her work. She'd left her phone in her boyfriends car and wanted me to call him to get him to turn around and bring it to her place of work. The only number she knows by heart is mine. I answered, as I always do unless it says suspected scam. Called her boyfriend got him to take her phone to her. All good.

Had I called her no way would she have picked up, even if she knew it was me! Such double standards!

I called a colleague by Teams the other day without shock horror messaging first to see if it was OK. She bollocked me for not checking first. She wasn't in a meeting, was on green, what is the big deal, either answer or ignore!

We used to have phones on our desks that rang, we answered. Everyone is phone phobic. Society has gone bat shit crazy.

Springtimeinsunshine · 17/08/2026 21:55

LoisLaneKent · 17/08/2026 21:31

wasting my time? I've just finished a bloody thesis today. If I want to mess about on mumsnet I will.

Edited
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Have you name changed mid thread? I thought that was impossible now.

LuckyHazelFox · 17/08/2026 21:53

WTF. I have to wonder sometimes at the way some MNers talk about their parents.

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