AIBU to refuse doing stepchildren’s handover because husband is working late?

Christ the reading comprehension in this thread is really poor. The kids are living with BOTH their parents, as it is a 50-50 arrangement - 1 week with mum then 1 week with dad - so no it isn’t solely the father’s responsibility to sort their transportation! He is already doing his fair share (i.e. 50% of pick ups/drop offs) and presumably he continued doing his fair share even after having his own newborn with OP, so now the children’s mum needs to do the same.

Good for you.

Could they go home straight from school and their Dad drops all their stuff round later?

If this was a Dad asking the mum to drop off the kids because his excuse was he had a new baby the whole thread would be full of people saying that he chose to have another baby and he shouldn’t dare change a single thing about his older children’s routine for his new family. The same goes when it’s the Mum.

She decided to have a baby with an unstable partner who doesn’t even live with her and she needs to continue to look after her older children the same way she did before and not be asking her ex’s new wife to pick up the slack.

They aren't visitng their Dad, they live with him and OP 50% of the time or didn't you read what the rest of us did.

It's their Mum who wants to change what's worked for years, not Dad and it's for the parents to sort out between themselves, not OP place to get invovled.

If Dad wanted to change it, he'd be getting called every name under the sun on here instead some posters have said he should cut his hours because his ex no longer wants to collect her own children

I don’t know why people are criticising OP or her DH?

Simply put the DC live with each parent 50:50, and pick ups/drop offs have been shared 50:50. ExW has unilaterally asked this to change to DH doing 100% of pick ups/drop offs because she has a small baby. OP has said she will not be doing it because she has her own job and her own child to see to. DH can’t do it because he is at work.

It is completely ok to say no, this doesn’t work for you. I would agree to flexibility in the time she collects DSC, so she doesn’t have to wake the baby up to get in the car. Put it back in her basket: she can collect the DSC any time between say 2pm & 7pm. And if she can’t make that, then let you know & you’ll give them tea & keep them overnight. Or whatever timing works for you & DSC.

Uber?

Dads "big job" likely pays towards the home and bills for the family, including his older children. He has set his working hours up around his children, including his teens as that's the day they go to mums. He isn't the one trying to change the routine here

Maybe mum needs to stick to the existing arrangement of picking her kids up and not ditch her responsibility to her older kids now she has a new baby.

Or she needs to come up with a solution that works for the kids that doesn't rely on their dad changing his entire work routine, the kids waiting until after 9.30pm or OP doing it, when OP has said it doesn't suit her routine. This pick up is, and always has been mums trip so she needs to sort it in a way best for the kids

If you read the post you know its 50/50 one week on one week off. So no transport should be split the same way. They live between both parents they arent visiting its their home

They need to work it out between themselves. Your baby shouldn’t be put out because of her baby.

In a year or so the eldest will drive so they can take care of this themselves, she needs to put up with the arrangement till then, that’s all I’d say to her.

How ridiculous, I bet the mother takes the baby out in the car. It’s just one of those things, if the mother is not happy with them walking or catching a bus back then she needs to pick the children up.

Not your problem to solve.

maybe could suggest loving handover day though? Saturday morning so baby doesn't sleep late in the car?

So what happened in the end OP? I think you are right to draw a boundary here.

The mother needs to suck it up. Many of us have had to pick up older children with a baby in tow. Sometimes going to 2 different schools or staying after for sports practice in all weathers. It's just part of having more than one child. As pp said too, she is probably on maternity leave. Baby will get used to sleeping in cars seats and pushchair.

I would agree to drive the DSC on some occasions when baby is sick.
Ideas for if their mother can't pick them up ..
Kids take much less stuff neatly in a suitcase with them to school and take the bus home to Mum. (Dad drives rest of stuff over after work.)
Kids and all stuff driven to school in morning by Dad. Mum picks them up from school with baby earlier in day. (Or Dad drives extra early to drop off stuff at Mum's before dropping them to school. Kids travel home from school on bus.)

its a difficult one

TBH I don't see why you can't help out now and again. You don't need to make it a regular thing. The obvious solution though would be for your DH to not work late on the changeover day. Is it possible that he change this?

A couple of good options could be:

Go through the stuff they are carting backwards and forwards; DH and ex go halves on buying a second setup so they need to move less between houses. Then they take their stuff to school.

Kids pack their stuff in the morning, go to school, then get bus to mums from school. Mum picks their stuff up from yours at a time which suits her/baby.

Kids pack their stuff, get bus to mums from school. Dad drops their stuff off once he finishes work.

so this is a trip she has to do twice a month? I don’t think that’s unreasonable at all. if it’s a big issue with the baby then she needs to find someone to watch the baby whilst she picks her other kids up. simple as that.

I don't think it's fair to say the kids are being shafted on both sides. Dad is doing his full 50%, including his half of the driving. He shouldn't really have to come home late and then drive the kids to mum's, just because she cba to put her baby in the car and collect her kids.

I’d help out once or twice to show the kids and his ex that you’re united as a family (you may also get to have a cuddle of the baby) but then a different plan needs to be in place so it’s not in any way on you. #sisterhood

No cms in 50/50 custody.

Did ex do extra pick ups or give him time to bond with the newborn 4 years ago.
Poor children shafted on both sides.