AIBU to refuse doing stepchildren’s handover because husband is working late?

"Sounds like mum wants to lessen her own workload by passing it onto everyone else, when it isn't their responsibility. They do their fair share already."

Of course she does and why wouldn't she? Why shouldn't she? She's got a newborn, fgs. 🤦‍♀️

The dad needs to be decent and work put how to get their two daughter's back home to help out his ExW.
I wonder how the girls are feeling? What about staying with OP and their dad a bit more for a while?

Why should he step up because his ex has had a baby with her new partner? Its not his baby!

If you are at work, DH is at work, How do they get from school to your house to then wait and be picked up by their mum usually?

In fairness, the 'easiest' solution is for you to take them home, you are at home on a Friday evening with a 4 year old, your DH is at work and the ex has a small baby, so I can see why it has been floated, but it doesn't mean you have to do it.

I think I would if it was for a limited time, but it's a risky precedent to set, you are better to say no to stop it becoming a permanent thing .. but it doesn't sound like the current setup is working, he finishes early one friday and works late the next .. why not just do the handover on a Saturday afternoon or Sunday instead? He doesn't ever get to see them on the last day of their visit anyway, because they leave while he is at work.. so it's not the best solution as it is anyway!

This is never going to become more convenient for her now she has a baby, so it's time to change things up!

YANBU but I think your partner should be stepping up while she’s got such a small baby. Either he finishes earlier or he drops them off later.

Taxi surely is the easiest solution - even if it’s expensive it’s one trip every two weeks and maybe the two families can share the cost in the best interest of the children. It will be for a limited time until the baby is older and more manageable for car journeys.

I sympathise with the ex to some extent being in the trenches with a 2mo who perhaps hates the car the way mine did, so I would do anything not to drive.

They live 20 minutes apart, I don’t think anyone moved away from anyone. I’m thinking of moving house in the same area and will likely end up 20 mins from my house and using the same supermarket, train station, town centre etc that I do now.

Yes, he and his ex have children. The ex seems to have moved the goal posts. The parents need to sort it. Absolutely no ‘sucking up’ to be done! How on earth these things always seem to end up being the step parents responsibility is beyond me.

But why should he add an extra 40 minute round trip onto his already late finish work day, when he is perfectly happy with and unholding his side of the current arrangement?

This is the mum's problem to sort out. Not have op, kids or the dad inconvenienced.

Sounds like mum wants to lessen her own workload by passing it onto everyone else, when it isn't their responsibility. They do their fair share already

You have 3 irresponsable adults who should be taking care of this problem (because it's THEIR problem not yours). Your husbands ex shouldn't be having more children if she can't take proper care of her actual kids, her partner (the baby of the child)... where is he? Why is he not taking care of HIS family? As per your husband ... so he's working long hours... but so are you plus you have a child. I would tell these irresponsable bunch to take care of their OWN problems. It's one thing to pick up his kids on an emergency situation (and thats ok) but having you as a free nanny is not, specially if you work and have a child.

That's a good idea

This is what I was going to suggest.

They go home from school to their mum's and then their dad drops their belongings around later when he's back from work.

Absolutely this! I don't understand why the OP's DH doesn't get this! Or maybe he does ...... and like a lot of men, prefers to keep the first wife happy at the expense of the second.

Why should she?
OP and her DH have kept their side of the deal. It’s the ex that’s had another child and now doesn’t want to do her half of the pick ups.
Its not the OP’s responsibility to “suck it up”

Suck it up buttercup.
You are with a man who has children. As long as there isn't a huge backstory involving CFery and nastiness then just do them both a favour and drop the kids to hers..

So definitely not your problem but options available-
go back Thursday
go back Saturday
change the day for handover to a more convenient one
taxi
bus

Yeah...their mum sticking to the original plan.

This! She can't unilaterally decide that the OP needs to do driving she doesn't want to. Yes it's a hassle, but she's chosen to have three kids so ferrying kids around is part of that.

If they are not happy with arrangements they can suggest alternatives which don’t involve the OP changing her own work and childcare arrangements.

. Wrong thread

Relying on collecting/fetching from the other parent is a recipe for problems. Better to set in place ways that the kids move themselves, such as being collected from school or other activity.

The kids may not want to wait until 9.30pm to go back to mums. They may want to stick to the original arrangement and get settled for the evening, rather than clock watching.

I don't think the kids should be inconvenienced here. Nor should the dad or the op.

It's once every 2 weeks ... surely mum can stick to the arrangements that is in place and works well for her children

At 13/ 16 a 9.30 PM drop off is fine. Their dad can take them after work.

Good on you OP. I can think of SEVERAL very easy solutions off the top of my head - their pick up/drop off day changes to Saturday morning after your DHs long shift, so he can fo it; Mum collects them earlier at least in the summer hols; DH takes them back straight after long shift - 9.30pm isn't late at all for their ages, plus it's Friday so not a school day.
Sorted, no need to push any of this on you at the end of your busy week.

Either he drops the kids back at 10pm

or drops them back on Saturday morning.

the other thing the kids can do is store their games on a hard drive and then it’s only that they need to transport if they have things in each house

or - and this is controversial for 2026 - they sick it up for the next few weeks/months until their mother has her routine in place better with the baby.

if this dh later night is a one off, I’d say he drops them back on Saturday morning

Her having a baby shouldn't impact the contact arrangements for her existing children. She needs to take the baby out with her, that's just the decision she's made. It's not your responsibility to cover her pick ups