AIBU to think abused children do not owe care to parents later?

Personally, in the case of abuse and neglect, there’s still no obligation to even if it didn’t affect you through the rest of your life. So, no obligation at all if you were not cared for, whether the abuse did or didn’t cause problems for you later. Specifically, as you’ve asked about it causing you problems throughout the rest of your life, a definite no.

You read the op, right? Because it seems you did not.

No-one here would look after the people who raised them and loved them? You'd just shove them in a care home?

When you marry or form a partnership "in sickness and in health" is part of the vow you make to one another. Children do not make that vow or ask to come into the world. They owe no more of a duty to their parents than they would to any other human being. A great deal depends upon how their parents treated them.

In the case OP has raised here I would say no and without guilt.

Well, specifically then, clearly not. Isn’t it obvious?

I don’t think any child owes care to their parents. Abused or not

Not everyone discloses their abuse which is why I will never judge a person who declines to participate in their parent’s care. No one has any obligation, but especially someone who knows what the elderly person was capable of while not dealing with the heightened mood that comes from needing care.

As others have said, no one should be obliged to care for a parent even if they were the best parent in the world.

Obviously not since no parent deserves care from their kid.

Of course they don’t.

I’m hoping I stay rational and don’t want a lot of care from DS if I need it. I do not want my DS life ruined by having to care for me long term.

I think caring falls in to different categories, mainly that people do want to care for their older relatives as they love them but there is some protectionism of inheritance.

Then there is a third difficult way, your in laws. It takes a lot to care for someone. MIL needed care last year it messed up DH first year of retirement. Same has happened to a woman friend with her in laws. DH went to live with her for 2 months in total after her op and radiotherapy.

I didn’t like how I felt as was peeved, she hasn’t been an especially nice MIL to me but even if someone has been it takes a lot to be a carer. It breaks people, that truly love the person they are caring for. My friend and I talked about it and as I said they didn’t kiss our knees when we fell over when we were little,

Morally I do think people should do some things to care and look after parents, because they are family and if they looked after, cared for you and loved you why not show affection and help the people who raised you

Of course if they were abusive.... No moral need to care for them. Obvious no?

Abuse isn’t relevant. Nobody is obliged to look after their parents. Parents choose to have children so have an obligation to care for them (for life, not just until they’re 18), but it doesn’t go both ways.

I was raised in those specific circumstances and I absolutely won't be providing any care for my mother.
In fact, I haven't even spoken to her for several years.

No, they are not obliged to care for their abusers. Hope you are okay, OP.

No child owes care to their parents. I didn’t have children to have them wipe my butt when I’m old. Dh, yes, that’s a contract we agreed to with marriage, but I don’t expect that of my kids.

If my parents had abused and neglected me as a child then no chance in he'll would I care for them in old age. What goes around comes around. Don't ever feel guilty for not helping either

The answer is noone does, the fact they were abused doesnt matter. They arent more of less obligated because of abuse. Society may look kinder on them choosing not to provide support because of the abuse though.

No one has a duty to care for their parents, many may choose to but lots don’t are can’t