To think this comment from manager was completely inappropriate

I fucking hate men who do this at work. I used to eat my breakfast in the office and the same guy every day would express faux amazment that anyone could possibly need three crumpets. He would try and draw others in to judge to 'can you believe how many crumpets Potential eats'. I cycled in after my early morning weight lifting. I was working out so much my maintenance calories were 2800. I'm 6ft and at that time had a tonne of muscle (RIP). I also have a history of EDs and it would make me feel so frozen with anger and shame. Commenting anything other than 'ooh that looks nice' or 'nothing better than a hot crumpet/fresh salad/bbq bison' is rude, childish and unprofessional.

Ooh I was unknowingly sitting on that rant for the best part of a decade.

I think it was just a slice of cake...not a whole one.

A donut and a cake in one shift? That is quite a lot for one entire day, nevermind one shift BUT that was very rude of him to word it like that. I would ignore him and if he does it again, or similar, file a complaint.

Fuck me, you'd never have survived in the workplace "in my day", I'm 20yrs older than you and being groped by male colleagues, customers and managers was the norm.

You've going to need to toughen up if you want to survive the next 40+ years of work, OP. That comment sounds to me like your manager being jovial - and getting it wrong. At your age, I was one of only two women working on a huge construction site in London Docklands, an experience above all others that taught me how to stand up for myself.

How do you raise this? You don't.

You get over it and move on.

it’s a bit rude but thTs it and the context makes no difference

I’m not saying you should never speak up for yourself when someone upsets you, but I think it’s valuable to look inwards before looking outwards. By that I mean, when something upsets me (triggers me) I examine why that is first. Sometimes I come to conclusion that it’s a ‘me’ problem and sometimes I come to conclusion that I’m justified in being upset.

I also consider people’s intent. We all have moments were we unknowingly put our foot in it, so I like to give a bit of a grace because that’s what I’d like someone to do for me.

Consider though - that you’ll make life harder than it needs to be if you perceive every clumsy interaction as an offence and confront people on it. Sometimes you’ve just got to let things go.

To add: I think it clearly upset you due to your previous issues around food and body image and because the comment came at unexpected time and in an unexpected place, where you could reasonably expect to be protected by professionalism.

You went from feeling safe, to unsafe.

Try to identify and name your feelings and put them into context. This man thought he was being funny, not personal (men in the workplace are often idiots). I wouldn't make an issue of it unless it happens repeatedly, but if you decide to make a complaint (formally or not) then I would support your decision to do so.

If it happens again, you respond with something along the lines of, "do you really think it's appropriate to comment on someone's eating habits, John?' Delivered in an arch tone.

If you'd like to address it directly with him, then I'd suggest something along the lines of, "I know it was banter, but I didn't appreciate the comment you made about my eating on X day. It made me uncomfortable, please do not make such remarks again".

You can then take it further if you need to, ie if he reacts badly or carries on.

Also, please remember that a healthy relationship with food includes indulgences like having both some cake & a doughnut on one day. It can also be hard to maintain meals without sugar spikes during a working day in an office. Please don't let his comment get to you, your eating showed how far you've come since your issues around food - don't let a thoughtless remark from an ignorant tit at work derail you. You know better than he does and his comment was a reflection on him and his unhealthy attitude, not yours.

I got a bit of this from some male colleagues in my 20s, I breezily told them to shut up every time.

I'm very courteous in the workplace so it was direct enough to make a point while keeping the atmosphere light.

You say you have previous issues with weight and eating but maybe they are more current than you think if this comment has upset you?

Is everything offensive nowadays?!

Ignore it and move on?