To think this comment from manager was completely inappropriate

These kind of threads are sad. I wish I could hide them. So many touchy people without the basic life skill of shrugging things off. Trying to cut the world to fit them.

it’s like watching Canute. Unless you can patent à ‘ crass comment’ vaccine and make it a legal requirement… you’re on a road to nowhere with all this touchiness.

Noone gives a shit what you eat but you felt the need to lecture the op who has stated that she has struggled with disordered eating and was upset.

It's not banter. It's having a go at someone's eating. It's rude, it's unnecessary, and if it continues, it's bullying. It's top tier twatty behaviour. I am sick of nasty comments and borderline bullying being dressed up as 'banter.' A 'joke' or a 'hilarious quip' is only funny if the other person is laughing.

Commenting on what a young woman is eating, and accusing her of stuffing her face is not 'banter.' 🙄Moreover, it's got fuck-all to do with this man what the OP eats. She should tell him to fuck off and mind his own business next time.

How is this helping the OP? What a ludicrous thing to say!

@Banannanana You're right to be annoyed by it, and I HATE it when people comment on what I'm eating. I think it's a horrible twatty thing to do, and it is ALWAYS a put-down when people say shit like this. Designed to make the person feel uncomfortable. It's often the worst kind of people who do it...
(Not always, but often...)

I think he is probably harmless, and in his way he is probably flirting with you, but yeah, it was out of order commenting on your food intake.. Not sure what he said warrants a complaint though. Next time - if he says something like this again- say 'mind yer own business' and turn your back. I bet he will sulk because the young woman in the office didn't find his hilarious quip funny.

As for the comment saying 'that's quite a lot to eat' have a word with yourself.

She wasn’t eating all day, she had 2 meals spaced 4 hours apart.

It was a bit insensitive but id have laughed if i'd been sat scoffing at my desk all day and somebody had noticed and said something.

This. No more banter. People are too easy to upset. I’m starting to wonder where this lack of resilience comes from. Ignore idiots. I say that as someone with an eating disorder.

I was making the point that this isn't exactly a serious issue that needs reporting. It was banter/clumsy wording from someone that landed wrongly due to him not knowing about OPs eating issues. It was more of a reality check comment, I would have thought that was quite obvious, it was to the many people who liked my comment.

It’s more productive, ultimately, to cultivate resilience and humility than to attempt to interpersonally police others and mould them to fit your particular egoic preferences.

Not sure why you labelled my comment "strange", we clearly worked in different types of workplaces, as it was the norm for this to happen in the industry I worked in (I didn't know this prior to getting the job at only 16yrs old), and there was no such thing as an HR department where I worked, so there was no one to report any male staff to.

However, I actually did speak up against the customer groping and had a number of customers barred from the establishment. So do not assume that I "shut up and put up", as I did not when I had the option to. So do not attempt to shame me, who was a 16yr old introvert girl (under the legal age in that country), unfamiliar with this type of behaviour, having come from a very religious household.

Nor was I thinking my experience as "impressive", gosh, what a disgusting insinuation. Clearly they have impacted me, otherwise the experiences would be long forgotten. I made my comment because these days it seems that people are reporting to HR the silliest of things, when actual sexual assaults were commonplace in many industries not that long ago.

A "stuffing your face" comment is more likely to be banter than anyone actually trying to shame OP, and it's highly unlikely her manager knew about her food issues. So he didn't say it maliciously, he just inadvertently put his foot in it.

My thoughts too

What outcome are you looking for? Personally i would just shake it off. If you feel really strongly then just take him aside and explain you found his comment hurtful and would appreciate him not referencing your eating in future, he will likely be mortified that it has hurt you.

I do think in the workplace you have to puck your battles - genuine harrassment/toxic behaviour masked as 'bants' should always be called out but imo this was just a thoughtless and clumsy comment. We have to get along in teams of people at work that we wouldn't necessarily choose as friends. Some are annoying, some will find us annoying, but there is a distinction between 'annoying' and 'harmful' - its for you to decide where that line is for you, but if you complain too much about too many things that others deem as 'little' its likely to impact your working relationships in the long term.

Talk about missing the point. And talk about insensitive saying things like this who has openly said they have / have had struggles with disordered eating. I guess from your lofty righteous perch you missed that.

It’s none of your business what people eat. I hope you’re not a manager.

She’s upset because he said something awful
You wouldn’t like it if your boss told you all you do is stuff your face, so don’t act superior to OP.

She’s right though, and the rest of her response is fair. I would eat a donut and a slice of cake in one week, not in one day (unless birthday/Christmas/holidays etc.) Somewhere we have forgotten what it is actually normal to eat over the past 20 years or so.

I agree that this is completely unprofessional from a manager, but I don’t think there is much you can do about it unless it is a repeated pattern of derogatory comments that you have documented and could take to HR.

You could also simply tell him that you don’t welcome comments about your eating habits.

Maybe treat it as helpful feedback - you are eating a lot in the eyes of other people, could that be contributing to your unhappiness about your weight?

My test of something is what is the attitude behind the words. Sometimes you have to have been there to understand how it was said. Only you will know.

My test as to whether I’m being a bit prickly is always - would they say it to a male colleague. I’ve had ooh you’ll get fat eating that - think it was a flapjack. Nope you’d not have said that to a bloke would you.

you’ll usually find the answer to that question is no. And they seem to be able to maintain work relationships with other men so it’s obviously not a thing you need to do, make comments like that. Just talk to me like a human being , don’t have different types of conversation based on my genitalia , we are at work.

OP you can’t be offended by every thing someone says to you that you don’t like.

You don’t raise things like this and honestly you need to understand that running to your manager or HR is like running to your parents.

If this is the UK, well guess what banter is usual, normal and a sign of like - not trying to offend someone.

If it bothers you then say something. As an adult at work you are expected to do so in a professional manner. Any good manager would tell you to say something yourself.

Does it mean “learn to make own rational judgements on typical workplace interactions without having to run to MN for validation”?

The comment wasn't a joke, it was an inappropriate personal remark.

Jokes are funny.

You don't understand what resilience means.

It doesn't mean 'sits like doormat while people who have limited social skills make unfunny personal remarks'.

It's 2026. This type of shit belongs in the dustbin.

I have worked with people who do nothing but shovel from the moment they get in. Breakfast bap. Or cereal at the desk ! Toast. Biscuits. Crisp bag gets opened. Tea and cakes. Oh then it is time for some lunch. Then more tea, more biscuits. Chocolate of course. Cakes someone has made. Endless eating. Daily. And of course chatting alongside.
Work sometimes seemed incidental. The place resembled more of a social club than a work place.

His comment wasn’t terribly professional but neither was it designed to hurt. If the office is anything like mine was he just sounds exasperated by being surrounded by people constantly eating.

Tell him you have an eating disorder where you have to take a bite every time he says something stupid. Unfortunately you ran out of doughnut and had to start on the cake.