To think this comment from manager was completely inappropriate

HALGEM999 · 22/08/2026 20:22

When i was pregnant my boss said to me... no wonder youve got gestational diabetes all you do is eat!! 😱

oviraptor21 · 20/08/2026 17:24

I'm with you OP. Grossly insensitive remark to make. As a manager he should know better that there are all sorts of reasons not to make personal comments. I'd probably say something along the lines of "Just a heads up Mr Manager, that it's never a good idea to comment on someone's eating habits, given how dangerous eating disorders can be".

Itsbeenalongtimeincoming · 20/08/2026 17:17

Banannanana · 20/08/2026 14:06

Point me to where I said I was running to Hr.

Show quote history

Didn't say you did. You are being literal. I said running to them is like….

Odoreida · 20/08/2026 14:40

Banannanana · 16/08/2026 23:53

I was eating a cake at work having eaten a sandwich and a donut four hours earlier. This is over the course of a 8 hour shift. My manager came in today and said “all you’ve done today is stuff your face” and laughed. He is a jokey type of guy always but AIBU to think this is too far? He’s a 50ish yo man and me a mid 20s woman for context. It massively upset me as I have previous issues with weight and eating (which he wasn’t to know). How do I raise this?

Struggling to explain why it’s hurt me so much as when I told my work friends they just went “oh yeah its a bit much but probably banter” so how do I put into words why I’m so
upset?

I like 'even my 5 year old son knows not to make personal remarks'.

IdaGlossop · 20/08/2026 14:32

Banannanana · 20/08/2026 13:56

Haven’t run away from the thread. Have come to accept I was being a bit sensitive due to issues with body image. Definitely a sensitive subject for me. Time to lose some weight I think!

Good for you, OP, for heeding what people have said 😊

Original poster

Banannanana · 20/08/2026 14:06

Itsbeenalongtimeincoming · 17/08/2026 10:15

OP you can’t be offended by every thing someone says to you that you don’t like.

You don’t raise things like this and honestly you need to understand that running to your manager or HR is like running to your parents.

If this is the UK, well guess what banter is usual, normal and a sign of like - not trying to offend someone.

If it bothers you then say something. As an adult at work you are expected to do so in a professional manner. Any good manager would tell you to say something yourself.

Point me to where I said I was running to Hr.

OP posts:

Original poster

Banannanana · 20/08/2026 14:02

morgan56 · 17/08/2026 21:32

To raise a complaint with HR over this is ridiculous and you would be that person.
Move on and forget about it, who cares what a 50 yo man who likes to make a joke thinks?

When did I ever say I was going to HR? You’ve jumped to conclusions massively, of course I wouldn’t.

OP posts:

Original poster

Banannanana · 20/08/2026 13:56

Haven’t run away from the thread. Have come to accept I was being a bit sensitive due to issues with body image. Definitely a sensitive subject for me. Time to lose some weight I think!

OP posts:

lavendersweetly · 19/08/2026 03:41

The comments on this thread are absolutely crazy, you're not being unreasonable at all, actually.

It is totally inappropriate for someone to comment on what you're eating or to say that you're stuffing your face, much less a manager. If you're looking for nuanced or balanced replies then MN is evidently not the place to do it, they're more concerned about calling people "snowflakes" 😂
Hope you're okay lovely x

AnitaCam · 18/08/2026 13:53

Ah! So à ‘ safe space’ is a collusive space! I see! So this is why the echo chamber is in dominance and extremism is taking hold.

Schoolchoicesucks · 18/08/2026 13:38

Whether it was appropriate or not depends on the context and your relationship. If you have the kind of relationship where you joke and tease one another then it doesn't sound too bad given he doesn't know you have had issues with diet previously. However as a Manager, I wouldn't personally have said something like that, particularly to a much younger colleague, as I'd be conscious that some people may be upset by it.
Can you bring it up in your next 121 as a "just so you know, Roger, would you not joke about my eating habits or diet in the office in the future. It makes me a bit uncomfortable. Thanks" You don't have to make a big deal about it, don't have to share anything about your past issues and if he says anything other than "Oh, sorry, of course I won't do that again", he's a nobber and if he does make "jokey comments" in future you can go to HR.

dairydebris · 18/08/2026 13:25

KaleidoscopeSmile · 18/08/2026 13:00

"You went from feeling safe, to unsafe"

Someone has used this phrase in this thread. What the actual fuck.

This type of fragility is so harmful...

No one is 'unsafe' because someone has commented on their food.

Slightly annoyed yes. Unsafe no.

KaleidoscopeSmile · 18/08/2026 13:00

"You went from feeling safe, to unsafe"

Someone has used this phrase in this thread. What the actual fuck.

TheKindnessProject · 18/08/2026 11:04

And I'll be eating two slices back to back without blinking, too.

TheKindnessProject · 18/08/2026 11:04

I know this isn't the point, but now I've read the word cake so many times, I really fancy some. I'm going to make and orange and polenta cake, and make sone cream cheese icing for the top. Wish I could just imagine it into existence because now I need to move to make it (just back from gym and feeling unlike moving for a bit).

Username7258 · 18/08/2026 10:28

I know the mature thing to do would be to have a chat quietly with him and ask him to not do it but wouldn't it be more fun to just make full eye contact whilst eating the cake in the most feral way you can manage? Then just walk past him without saying anything and never speak about it again.

Sympathies, I got a lot of comments on what I was eating as a younger woman too and it really grated.

shhblackbag · 18/08/2026 10:24

TheCrowCrossRoad · 17/08/2026 20:04

You need to learn how to say ‘fuck off, Darren.’

Show quote history

Agree. It's a helpful skill in many ways.

morgan56 · 17/08/2026 21:32

To raise a complaint with HR over this is ridiculous and you would be that person.
Move on and forget about it, who cares what a 50 yo man who likes to make a joke thinks?

Katigee410 · 17/08/2026 21:17

I would really take it to heart, I graze all day, it's fine in my office and I only take 15 minutes for lunch. " Stuffing your face ' is unnecessary

ILoveAGingerCat · 17/08/2026 20:21

ahalfchipshalfricemum · 17/08/2026 20:15

I've experienced this. Also from an older bloke, who didn't actually work in my office but would regularly turn up around the time I was eating (yes, I have a bad habit of eating at my desk).

It used to infuriate me. I initially laughed off the comments but as they got more frequent, it would make me rage. But what could I say, without being 'dramatic'? When I started saying to him "it's just my lunch" or "it's just my breakfast" he did actually stop.

He wasn't actually a horrible bloke but I ate outside of his eating times and he couldn't compute it.

Whether he could compute it or not, why on earth did this man think what you were eating, and when you were eating was his business? Nosey, intrusive, arrogant git. I would dispute 'he wasn't a horrible bloke.' Seems he couldn't stop himself commenting negatively on a woman eating at times HE didn't deem suitable. Maybe he isn't horrible, but he sure doesn't sound nice!

.

ahalfchipshalfricemum · 17/08/2026 20:15

I've experienced this. Also from an older bloke, who didn't actually work in my office but would regularly turn up around the time I was eating (yes, I have a bad habit of eating at my desk).

It used to infuriate me. I initially laughed off the comments but as they got more frequent, it would make me rage. But what could I say, without being 'dramatic'? When I started saying to him "it's just my lunch" or "it's just my breakfast" he did actually stop.

He wasn't actually a horrible bloke but I ate outside of his eating times and he couldn't compute it.

TheCrowCrossRoad · 17/08/2026 20:04

Banannanana · 16/08/2026 23:53

I was eating a cake at work having eaten a sandwich and a donut four hours earlier. This is over the course of a 8 hour shift. My manager came in today and said “all you’ve done today is stuff your face” and laughed. He is a jokey type of guy always but AIBU to think this is too far? He’s a 50ish yo man and me a mid 20s woman for context. It massively upset me as I have previous issues with weight and eating (which he wasn’t to know). How do I raise this?

Struggling to explain why it’s hurt me so much as when I told my work friends they just went “oh yeah its a bit much but probably banter” so how do I put into words why I’m so
upset?

You need to learn how to say ‘fuck off, Darren.’

croydon15 · 17/08/2026 20:02

Pippa12 · 17/08/2026 05:29

Theres no place for banter in the work place.

I think it’s best to just not speak to each other anymore. Less upset.

This - that way nobody will be offended

JMSA · 17/08/2026 19:51

WhattheFudgeareyouonabout · 16/08/2026 23:54

Is everything offensive nowadays?!

It seems that way. Not helped by everyone having anxiety 🙄

anewlifeinthesun · 17/08/2026 19:45

i think you need to get a grip OP