Holiday or wedding?

Could they live-stream the wedding so you can watch the ceremony from overseas, plus get involved in the prep, such as wedding dress buying and hen do etc.

Then go on holiday and have a fabulous time!

I presume your mum is willing to completely finance any cancellation/rearrangement costs you incur?

No, thought not…

I wouldn't miss my sisters wedding for anything - but we are close. it depends how close you are for me really.

How far in the future is the date?

i'm with pp - it was up to her to check if she wanted to be sure people would be there.

In your shoes? go on the holiday. Wish her well, invite her and husband over for dinner when you get back.

Holiday

its more than just a holiday, it’s a long planned celebration of your children’s achievements and also involves other peoples lives.

Non of my siblings were at my wedding & i was only at one of theirs, it didn’t change their or my days.

It's unfortunate that they didn't double check as this can happen, people have lives and they have been engaged years.

When you really care about close family been there, you do a quick check.

No way I would mess up my holiday.

6 years? She's taking the piss. The wedding may not even happen.

Who's to say your sister wont change her mind. You'll change your holiday then the wedding could change dayes and you will miss out for no reason.
It would be easier for them to change the wedding if they really want you there.

Over 90% of respondents think you are not being unreasonable. You booked your holiday first, enjoy your holiday!

Get them to change their dates. If they want you there they'll do that. I wouldn't change my plans if they don't or won't try to arrange a different date. Instead I'd bring them out to a fancy dinner, give them a good pressie, and watch the wedding on Whatsapp or similar.

I wouldn't be emotionally blackmailed by someone who just didn't ask immediate family if they would be ok with the proposed date. Bad planning on their part.

You don't sound devastated if you can't be there, and that's perfectly fine. You can be photoshopped into photos these days and all. 😊

Presumably a month long holiday for 4+ adults might cost as much as a wedding. In your circumstances I wouldn’t go.

Personally I would go on the holiday; explain to her you booked & paid for it; you’ve booked lots of excursions & if you cancel you’ll lose too much money; sure she’ll be upset but life goes on you can FaceTime her before the wedding & chat to her & see her in her dress etc buy her something special for her to open whilst she’s getting ready on the day something she can wear. Your holiday is a month long & effects your whole family her wedding is one day & she has so many other people to fuss over her

Had you not mentioned to your Mum that you had a holiday booked? Or is a month long holiday, involving everyone, a usual holiday for you?

No way would I cancel my holiday for a glorified party

Surely that’s up to the sister though not you? She might elope with no family present or marry abroad excluding anyone without passport/leave.
Op sister didn’t ask if anyone was doing stuff (and given the ages of Ops kids the aunt should know they might be busy). Maybe she just wants to be legally married and isn’t that worried about the hoopla?

This scenario would have been me and my dsis when I got married. When we announced our date she told me that she was booked on a big group holiday involving about 15 people that she couldn’t get out of.

We were getting married in a register office and managed to get the date pushed back by 3 weeks. Good thing we did because the weather on our original date was atrocious.

Sorry but if she wanted you there so much she should have checked dates with immediate family/important friends before booking - that’s what we did and then sent a ‘save the date’ card to everyone else. Although we booked our wedding 18 months in advance so it wasn’t too stressful. This is on her.

I am so glad we eloped our way out of this nonsense.

Your sister should not be setting a date without checking that it is available for essential guests. It isn’t you who are causing the problem here.

Team holiday here, though

• is her wedding date at all near to the start or end of your holiday, so you could go late/leave early to attend? Your own family can stick to the booked arrangements.

• has your sister actually booked anything, and is it still at the stage where she could easily move it eg deposit and there are other weeks she could switch to? If so I think she should.

ASAP Speak in person with your sister and ask her to change the date of her wedding.
Your holiday is a prior commitment for numerous close family members of the bride.

Show your mum and sister this whole thread. They need to give their heads a wobble and she needs to change the date of the wedding. Sounds like invites have not been sent yet.

Can she live steam it so that you can attend remotely it’s only a 1 day event can you contribute ( a case of champagne to smooth things over)

My partner and I have been planning and booking things for two weeks moving around Guatemala and El Salvador next Feb, if you are booking various accomodations, public transport journeys etc, it's too much to just abort and you may lose money on it.
It's also the perfect time of your kids lives to do it and you won't get that back again.