Baby's first birthday to ask for no boxed gifts?

Good shout. Your Brother and SIL are unbelievably rude. I would definately call your brother out on this. It is not normal behaviour.

If someone said no boxed gifts to me, I'd take whatever I'd got out of the packaging & put it in a paper bag, then take the bag home with me - I'd assume they didn't want to fill their recycling bin!

Well neither are nasty bullying responses in threads (I'm not saying yours is btw), but we still get plenty of those 🤷‍♀️

I don’t think anyone has a right to specify what gifts they want! I would gift £20 and buy an outfit or book. That’s what we give to the children in our family, as we cannot afford more.

If they spend £20 then surely this is the family norm? Not that there needs to be a norm if finances vary. But expecting a minimum amount of £50 is very rude.

In terms of whether to do a gift, voucher or cash it's up to you but at 1 they won't really care. Maybe keep the peace for now and save the battle for when he's older and get him something you know he would love?

Well either directly tell him, or dont.

You have 4 children, how is this so difficult for you.

You also sound like men who have left their children and resent paying for them, as the mothers may get their nails done occasionally

My sister in law hates me so I really don't want to be gifting her my hard earned cash for her to just spend it on herself 🫠

A ridiculous ask. Not sure i spent £50 on my own children at that age.

I'd want to be deliberately awkward with that wording because I'd interpret no boxed gifts as something play-ready. I.e built and not in stupid plastic ties you can't get into while the child wails for it. On that basis I'd buy something noisy and flashy secondhand.

This 100% because the toys they buy will be quickly grown out of and you can pass them on via charity shop etc. or sell them.

If I saw no boxed gifts I would assume it meant only second hand, ie it was someone else like me who is upset at the amount of plastic crap in the world and wants to avoid adding to it. It would never occur to me to give someone cash?! Greedy.

After such greedy, grabby behaviour I'd just send a card and pretend you didn't see the WhatsApp. 'It's such a pity you didn't want presents - I was looking forward to choosing something' - with a deadpan expression.

Poor baby, at that age the box and paper is the only thing they're interested in.

What if they have already got a copy of that book? Or 3 people give the same ?

Has she actually asked for £50 or just hinted? I would just put whatever cash you would spend in a nice card and be done with it! Don't overthink it. Buying vouchers is just a pain in the arse quite frankly, it's easy to forget about them until they've expired and then your money is just wasted!

Give them a book they can read to the baby - to make it more personal, choose a story you and your brother enjoyed as kids. If you don't have much cash, a clean, good condition second hand book is fine. No decent person would want a family member short of money to be spending a fortune on gifts for their one year old.

If they are rude enough to complain about this, I wouldn't respond, I would just gaze at them in horrified fascination.

Out of interest, how does your brother express the "over £50" expectation - what words does he actually use? And is this over text, in person? I am just fascinated by anyone thinking this he an OK thing to say, and would love to know how he goes about it, just to satisfy my own curiosity really!

Id be that person who gets her exactly what she got you….and gush about how wonderful her idea was!! 😂😂

Be greatful for what gifts people give you. Your one year old may be very popular now but people, lots of them will lose interest and drop of the gift buyers list as the years go on. Especi

£50!!!?!?! Jeez

Agree. While saying this at a wedding may be OK ( or not) it is definitely not OK for a baby’s birthday. If you do not have more storage and all the presents you want then maybe say this and ask for no presents. The expression no boxed gifts is usually on south asian wedding invitations so isn’t even in common usage in the uk.

“We have so many toys so please don’t feel the need to bring a gift. If you do want to gift something, a contribution towards a farm annual pass (or whatever they would want) would be greatly appreciated”. I think saying something along the lines of this is fine. Hinting a minimal amount to give is insanely rude.

I’d either give a book or nothing. If they say anything, give a head tilt, tinkly laugh, and say ‘oh, I thought that must have been a joke’, then change the subject.

We have a relatively small house, I hate being given keepsake gifts because honestly, what on earth am I going to do with it after the kid ages out of it?

Having said that, they are being super rude. We said "no gifts please" for our second child's first birthday. We just wanted family to spend time with him but we already had all the toys we needed and had space for. But expecting cash instead? And £50+ at that?!? They can bugger off, get a gift card for whatever amount you'd normally spend.

I personally would knit a jumper in a colour I know she likes, but if you can't knit, a book.
No, I wouldn't be handing over £50.

So you say your sil hates you @sarak20
So you start a thread to have her slagged off - while making sure we know it’s not your brother's fault ..

No boxes gifts, that’s so fetch.

Remind them about this LOUDLY and laugh and say yeah nice try bro!

It shouldn’t have to be part of parenting, we are in an environmental crisis of over consumption and we could all do with being a bit more honest about gifts.

Not being grabby and asking for £50 though.